• Member Since 14th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 13th, 2017

The Derpy Doctor

"There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it." — Gautama Buddha


My first ACTUAL shipping story about the relationship Doctor shares with Derpy. After haven a hard day trying to fit in, doctor prepares a day to make up for it.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

Short but very good.


Staring at the trial through her wet eyes

The sun shown down and beat against her back, mocking her agony, telling her that the day was happy to everypony else. she was the only one upset. And why

The fic was short and it had Derpy in it, so I muddled thorough, but you could probably do better with an editor with a firmer understanding of grammar.
It started right off with Derpy crying, but didn't tell the reader why or attempt to touch upon the readers own feelings. It just comes off as, "I guess Derpy's sad. Whatever." You could have gone into detail about the interview and given the reader a chance to empathize with her, which is what I really go for in a fic.
Also, it felt like there should be more to the story. The scenes felt out of context somehow and you put importance on things that normally wouldn't be that important.
Though it was rough to read I could sort of see some of the good stuff in there. The Doctor's feelings for Derpy were in there, if not expressed very well. There's good ideas and emotions in your writing, but you just need to work on cleaning it up so the reader can find them.

Ah you make the Doctor so loving through his actions. A joy to read.

This story made me smile, and a little teary eyed. Great job! :derpytongue2:

That was so derptacular!:derpytongue2:

That was so cute and I think the ending was perfection! Pure artwork!

Oh gosh, thanks! I did this all in one day, sorry it's so short, but thanks for your support!:rainbowkiss:

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