Brand new story!Yay! and mind you first story.
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Two broney girls are sucked into the world they love, but all is not as it seems, when a mysterious visitor brings chilling news. And gossip spreads through the town. They are forced to overcome past hurts and try and save this endangered world. They have no idea of what lies ahead but they do know that every pony they have met lives are in danger and they and their new friends are the only ones who can save them.
Chapters (3)
The grammar is fine, but the formatting you use is very disorienting.
First things first though, the grammar.
Um... multiple "!?" doesn't help add urgency or anything. It's just some extra stuff. Personally I don't mind it, but it's not considered very professional to most people.
This isn't quite the best way to word it. You could also say, "I thought with my mind racing." or "I though as my mind raced." Personally, I prefer the latter, but it's up to you.
Two points.
1. I think you mean "process" not "prosses". A common spelling error for all writers
2. This implies leaning back starts the download. Not sure if it's supposed to mean that, or if you need to reword it.
Finally, onto the good stuff.
You keep playing with the size to add emphasis and stuff, but it's more disorienting than effective.
There's a writing guide that could help you out. It's a long read, but it's well worth it.
http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
6032717
Thank you So much for the help! I will try and fix all that I can as soon as I get home!
This has potential, but you need a editor
6045249 I agree with, but I just don't know how to even find an editor. *throws up hands in exasperation*