It was a beautiful day in Equestria, the birds were singing and the clouds were nice and fluffy and big. The sky was a baby blue and even the rabbits jumped happily around the field singing and laughing and doing all those bunny things. Everypony was having a good time. Until...
A gigantic rip in the space-time continuum caused a massive portal to open, and then all of a sudden, a human fell out of it and into the land of Equestria. (Note that we're disregarding the fact that everything in one world is completely drawn and everything in the real world is not drawn). At first the human wondered how he had gotten there, and how the portal had opened, but he didn't care at all.
The human looked all around at all the ponies, and he said "I must be in EQUESTRIA!" His life was about to become twenty percent cooler in ten seconds flat, he wouldn't be forever alone anymore, and he did not take an arrow to the knee.
Before doing anything, the human reflected on his shitty life filled with being bullied and how bad everything was and sucked. He was filled with angst.
Then, all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere, the man became an alicorn! He had a fireball for a cutie mark and was jet black with blazing red hair. Twilight Sparkle came up to the alicorn and said,"Whoa, you look handsome and awesome, what's your name?"
"GARY STU," said the man turned alicorn. He then looked deep into Twilight's eyes and used the power of self-desire to control Twilight to come over to him and start making out. It was awesom- I mean he thought it was awesome.
After the human and Twilight were done making out, they decided that it would be best to take it back to Twilight's place, so they did. But the alicorn didn't feel as though Twilight was awesome enough for him, so he went off to find Rainbow Dash.
Once he had flown to CloudsDale, he completely ate a pony and swallowed them whole. Yummy.
Then he went up to Rainbow Dash's door and knocked. Rainbow Dash answered. She had a rainbow mane and tail. And was sky blue. The alicorn broke her wings. Rainbow Dash was sad.
The alicorn decided that Rainbow Dash was awesome enough to ride on his back, so she hopped on and he went off to find Fluttershy, the cutest pony evar.
Once he had flown a good fifty yards, he decided it would be time to use his ultra-cool teleportation powers and teleported all the way to Fluttershy's cottage. He knocked on her door. Fluttershy answered it, and when she did the alicorn grabbed her and gave her the biggest hug that was possible. Now that he had given Fluttershy a hug, it was time to go find Pinkie Pie. He then proceeded to violently murder Fluttershy. (Hows THAT for eliciting hate?)
Anyway, he didn't actually murder Fluttershy, but he did tell Fluttershy that if she got any more adorable that he'd have to kill her, because her adorableness would compromise the safety of all the known universes. The alicorn spread his awesomely black wings and took off once more.
Once he had found Pinkie Pie, he looked at her long and hard. For some reason she was now a anthropomorphic human-pony with heaving breasts. She smiled and winked at me while saying,"I hate parties."
For some reason she was wearing underwear. The alicorn trotted up to Pinkie Pie and looked her straight in the eyes before saying,"If I was into clop, this would be so hot right now, but I'm not, so it's mildly disturbing and extremely unnerving to see you like this."
Pinkie Pie looked back at the alicorn, and within a moment she transformed back into pony form. She maintained the underwear and was now wearing socks. The alicorn examined her.
"This is oddly sexual, and it slightly unnerves me. I'm going to leave now." So he did.
This time, he decided to fly off to Celestia's palace, but not before stopping to take a massive dump on a statue of her. Not only was it the most massive dump that Equestria had ever seen, it also glowed and had the power to fuel an entire American state for four hundred centuries. That's like six days.
Princess Celestia was not pleased that there was another alicorn, so she threw bananas at him. The alicorn didn't care about the bananans, and instead launched a mega-powerful lazer beam out of his horn at Celestia, turning her into a banana herself. He then picked up banana-Celestia, and ate her. She was delicious. And had plenty of potassium for a healthy diet.
Then I went back to Ponyville in search of Applejack, and when I found her we went Applebuckin together. The alicorn accidentely destroyed an entire tree by touching it with his hoof. Applejack thought that the alicorn was awesome, and made out with him just like Twilight did. What happened next is R-rated. R is for Radical and Raunchy and Really hot. And Restricted.
After all that, the alicorn decided to visit Rarity, who is obviously best pony and there may be no further disputes about this, for upon arriving at Rarity's house the alicorn shot a small orb of magic into the multiverse which exploded, forever labeling Rarity as best pony. Rarity then gained a small, extra cutie mark on the inside of her thigh which was the words "Best Pony".
The alicorn, approaching best pony, spent the rest of the day showing Sweetie Belle the ropes of pleasuring a mare. Sweetie Belle couldn't stop looking as Rarity squealed with delight. After Rarity had thoroughly had the best massage of her fucking life, the alicorn made out with her and left, because Rarity deserves to be treated with at least some respect. She's a lady. Then the alicorn went all the way to Appleloosa, just so he could hear Braeburn say Appleloosa in pony. After that, he went to the buffalo tribe and bro-hoofed the tribe master for being such a bro.
Without any further hesitation, the alicorn teleported back to Ponyville and gathered up Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie. Once he had them all in one place, he used his bulging muscles that had transferred to his pony form from his human form to rip open the universe. With a portal now open, he grabbed each of the ponies and jumped through the portal, landing on Earth as a human.
Now all the ponies were with him, so he took them all back to his house where they lived together for the rest of eternity.
And then Trixie came. And it was awesome.
The man looked at his screen, and his story was featured, meaning that it was now 90x more susceptible to hate due to the fact that other stories could be in it's place. He laughed, yelling,"SUCCESS!"
He sat back in his chair and reveled in his glory. Little did the readers know that not only was this story a parody of bad fanfiction, but also a parody or troll fics that made it to the top of the popular list.
No seriously, how did this get here.
"A young man is teleported to Equestria where he meets all of the ponies that he knows and loves."
Yea, that seems about right.
I love you.
At first I was like
~READ~
...But then I was like
http://images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw886_1316977601699821.jpeg
I always love to see how people (would) react to remakes of Cupcakes and the like, but you...
You have do well, young padawon
Soo... Am I suposed to like or dislike this?
I am thoroughly offended, good sir.
This inadvertently became an incredibly amazing fanfic. The thing that would make this awful is constant spelling & grammar mistakes, but then I would die.
Truly... Truly, a work of art.
I'm reminded of a fic I read a while back on Fanfiction.net for Ed, Edd, n Eddy which was called "The Quintessential Ed, Edd, n Eddy Fic".
It basically poked fun at every fanfiction cliche the fandom had seen. My friend, you have done the same here. Everything, EVERY SINGLE THING I HATE ABOUT SOME FANFICTION FOR FiM was included here.
From humanized ponies, to alicorns, to humans oddly landing in Equestria at a high rate, you executed this perfectly.
I oddly found the Pinkie Pie part the funniest, considering that humanized pony stuff gets on my nerves. Not to mention the fact that you completely bypass our expectations of some fantasy-like sex scene there, and make it that the human included here is NOT into clopfics. Perfectly-done, my friend. A parody of parody.
Not to mention the random addition of Trixie at the end was hilarious.
In general, excellent parody. No need to take it seriously, because even the title makes it known that all seriousness is out the window.
Wonderful work, my friend.
The buck am I reading?
Favorites list...
I began reading this story with low expectations and high standards. How, I wondered, could a mere 1,000 words or so truly capture the essence of what makes every fanfic bad? But, as I read farther, I began to open up to the true, unadulterated brilliance of the narrative. You really have captured every aspect of a bad fancfic, from the blatant self-inserts to the cliche opener to the slightly off-putting almost-clop scene. (Thank you, by the way, for not making that any more graphic than it needed to be to incite readerly hate). And those things I listed are only the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. There are so many things wrong with this story, it's mindboggling. The only possible critique I would have would be to maybe make the grammar a bit worse. I noticed a couple errors, but none of them really obscured the plot or detracted from the readability that much, two hallmarks of terrible fics everywhere.
Overall, this is awful, and oh so gloriously, gloriously ridiculous.
I award you 5 Trollestias out of 5.
chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/internet-memes-meme-murrrdness-derp.jpg
This was atrocious. And yet glorious.
static.tumblr.com/nfiq0pl/xN7ltlguv/let-me-love-you.gif
WORST. STORY. EVER.
which actually makes it
BEST. STORY. EVER.
but in retrospect it's seriously the
WORST. STORY. EVER,
so, all i all, i find it the
MOST-MILDLY MIND-BOGGLING-SLIGHTLY-R-RATED-HIE-BANANA-CELESTIA-FLUTTERSHY-HUGGING-AWESOME-ALICORN-SELF-INSERT. STORY. EVER!!1!ONE
...you guys do realize this isn't supposed to be a serious fic, right?
This is a parody fic of bad/cliche fanfiction in the FiM fandom.
Don't knock this guy. This is PURPOSELY bad. It's called "parody",
Of the stories that could be written, this is
THE.
BEST.
POSSIBLE,
THING!
What made this great was the distinct lack of bad spelling. Very nice!
Wonder if dis story makes feature box... I CALLED IT!
EDIT: Yes i freakin' called it!
DAFUQ did I just read?
And why I am reading it a second time?
-Tricondon
NOT ENOUGH FACEHOOF
I got to the second paragraph.
No.
Oh god this is perfect.
"And then ripped the universe."
I lost it at that point
Hrm. Gary Stu transported to Equestria to get it on with hot ponies.
chzmemebase.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/internet-memes-the-shiny-white-container-made-his-lunch-cost-more1.jpg
this was so fucking hilarious I think I'm going to do a live read.
608220
UMAD bro
Ugh, calling featured.
It was... funny. There were some great lines in there (potassium), and some amusing insights (the "I'm not into clop" when Pinkie's human then "this is oddly sexual" when she's a pony was an, I hope intentional, perfect dig at the hypocrisy of some people when it comes to that sort of thing), but it was let down by being a little too "come at me bro". The best way to puncture an ego is to make it realise its own folly, not shout it down.
Why am I seriously critiquing a trollfic? Your username is "Troll," for God's sake.
Also "the best massage of her fucking life" made me spray Pepsi across the room. Dammit.
I already used this .gif, but this story deserves it:
What Troll is probably thinking:
i1155.photobucket.com/albums/p546/schosak/IDOWHatIwant.gif
This is good satire, I like it.
Smells Like Meta
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on second thought... I might read this to see what is it about.
1. It amazes me that 26246 people were able to register before the username "Troll" was taken.
2. Is the cover pic Seth?
3. This fanfic would be made so much worse if it was written in txtspk.
genius
This fic is, in truth
a failure.
Or, more specifically this
transcended its original bounds.
You set out to troll us, Troll.
It
Went Horribly Right.
You lied to me, Troll. I read through this expecting to find everything I hate, yet your grammar was passable and the story was entirely free of major spelling errors. My jimmies remain unrustled.
And "Princess Celestia was not pleased that there was another alicorn, so she threw bananas at him" is the most brilliant thing I've seen from a Troll-fic yet. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png
Hmmmm I see a gary stu, human in equestria, out of character all around.
HAH! you call that bad!? you could do so much worse. Put in Nyx, The Conversion Bureaus, Fallout Equestria, and piss -poor grammar in, then we'll talk.
In seriousness though. This....is...
i705.photobucket.com/albums/ww52/takikitty182/GENIUS.gif
I love these stories that parody the fanfic stuff that everybody uses too often...
What is this I don't even....
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SHUT UP AND TAKE MY WATS!!
When can I expect my eyes to stop bleeding?
Dude you forgot to have the main character a guy full of angst and a shitty life constantly picked on by bullies for no apparent reason at all.
Someone needs to make a comic about this.
608399
By the Gods you're right.
WE NEED MORE ANGST STAT!
These are my true thoughts on the fic:
AND IT! IS! GLORIOUS!!!!
i379.photobucket.com/albums/oo233/andyBANG/lolface.gif
I cried tears of happyness.
What? No luna?
This is fairly awesome. You're approaching Argembarger levels of trolling, but you are not quite there.
I HAVE FAITH IN YOU NEVERTHELESS
FOR GREAT JUSTICE
You forgot to throw in the memes and bad humor!
I am so very scared to read this. Yet so very intrigued.
At first I was like but then I .