//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Let's See How Bad I Can Make This Fanfic // by Troll //------------------------------// It was a beautiful day in Equestria, the birds were singing and the clouds were nice and fluffy and big. The sky was a baby blue and even the rabbits jumped happily around the field singing and laughing and doing all those bunny things. Everypony was having a good time. Until... A gigantic rip in the space-time continuum caused a massive portal to open, and then all of a sudden, a human fell out of it and into the land of Equestria. (Note that we're disregarding the fact that everything in one world is completely drawn and everything in the real world is not drawn). At first the human wondered how he had gotten there, and how the portal had opened, but he didn't care at all. The human looked all around at all the ponies, and he said "I must be in EQUESTRIA!" His life was about to become twenty percent cooler in ten seconds flat, he wouldn't be forever alone anymore, and he did not take an arrow to the knee. Before doing anything, the human reflected on his shitty life filled with being bullied and how bad everything was and sucked. He was filled with angst. Then, all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere, the man became an alicorn! He had a fireball for a cutie mark and was jet black with blazing red hair. Twilight Sparkle came up to the alicorn and said,"Whoa, you look handsome and awesome, what's your name?" "GARY STU," said the man turned alicorn. He then looked deep into Twilight's eyes and used the power of self-desire to control Twilight to come over to him and start making out. It was awesom- I mean he thought it was awesome. After the human and Twilight were done making out, they decided that it would be best to take it back to Twilight's place, so they did. But the alicorn didn't feel as though Twilight was awesome enough for him, so he went off to find Rainbow Dash. Once he had flown to CloudsDale, he completely ate a pony and swallowed them whole. Yummy. Then he went up to Rainbow Dash's door and knocked. Rainbow Dash answered. She had a rainbow mane and tail. And was sky blue. The alicorn broke her wings. Rainbow Dash was sad. The alicorn decided that Rainbow Dash was awesome enough to ride on his back, so she hopped on and he went off to find Fluttershy, the cutest pony evar. Once he had flown a good fifty yards, he decided it would be time to use his ultra-cool teleportation powers and teleported all the way to Fluttershy's cottage. He knocked on her door. Fluttershy answered it, and when she did the alicorn grabbed her and gave her the biggest hug that was possible. Now that he had given Fluttershy a hug, it was time to go find Pinkie Pie. He then proceeded to violently murder Fluttershy. (Hows THAT for eliciting hate?) Anyway, he didn't actually murder Fluttershy, but he did tell Fluttershy that if she got any more adorable that he'd have to kill her, because her adorableness would compromise the safety of all the known universes. The alicorn spread his awesomely black wings and took off once more. Once he had found Pinkie Pie, he looked at her long and hard. For some reason she was now a anthropomorphic human-pony with heaving breasts. She smiled and winked at me while saying,"I hate parties." For some reason she was wearing underwear. The alicorn trotted up to Pinkie Pie and looked her straight in the eyes before saying,"If I was into clop, this would be so hot right now, but I'm not, so it's mildly disturbing and extremely unnerving to see you like this." Pinkie Pie looked back at the alicorn, and within a moment she transformed back into pony form. She maintained the underwear and was now wearing socks. The alicorn examined her. "This is oddly sexual, and it slightly unnerves me. I'm going to leave now." So he did. This time, he decided to fly off to Celestia's palace, but not before stopping to take a massive dump on a statue of her. Not only was it the most massive dump that Equestria had ever seen, it also glowed and had the power to fuel an entire American state for four hundred centuries. That's like six days. Princess Celestia was not pleased that there was another alicorn, so she threw bananas at him. The alicorn didn't care about the bananans, and instead launched a mega-powerful lazer beam out of his horn at Celestia, turning her into a banana herself. He then picked up banana-Celestia, and ate her. She was delicious. And had plenty of potassium for a healthy diet. Then I went back to Ponyville in search of Applejack, and when I found her we went Applebuckin together. The alicorn accidentely destroyed an entire tree by touching it with his hoof. Applejack thought that the alicorn was awesome, and made out with him just like Twilight did. What happened next is R-rated. R is for Radical and Raunchy and Really hot. And Restricted. After all that, the alicorn decided to visit Rarity, who is obviously best pony and there may be no further disputes about this, for upon arriving at Rarity's house the alicorn shot a small orb of magic into the multiverse which exploded, forever labeling Rarity as best pony. Rarity then gained a small, extra cutie mark on the inside of her thigh which was the words "Best Pony". The alicorn, approaching best pony, spent the rest of the day showing Sweetie Belle the ropes of pleasuring a mare. Sweetie Belle couldn't stop looking as Rarity squealed with delight. After Rarity had thoroughly had the best massage of her fucking life, the alicorn made out with her and left, because Rarity deserves to be treated with at least some respect. She's a lady. Then the alicorn went all the way to Appleloosa, just so he could hear Braeburn say Appleloosa in pony. After that, he went to the buffalo tribe and bro-hoofed the tribe master for being such a bro. Without any further hesitation, the alicorn teleported back to Ponyville and gathered up Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie. Once he had them all in one place, he used his bulging muscles that had transferred to his pony form from his human form to rip open the universe. With a portal now open, he grabbed each of the ponies and jumped through the portal, landing on Earth as a human. Now all the ponies were with him, so he took them all back to his house where they lived together for the rest of eternity. And then Trixie came. And it was awesome. The man looked at his screen, and his story was featured, meaning that it was now 90x more susceptible to hate due to the fact that other stories could be in it's place. He laughed, yelling,"SUCCESS!" He sat back in his chair and reveled in his glory. Little did the readers know that not only was this story a parody of bad fanfiction, but also a parody or troll fics that made it to the top of the popular list. No seriously, how did this get here.