Chapter Four: The Crystal Nightmare, or Not (Rewritten)
Chapter Four: The Crystal Nightmare, or Not
Third Person View
As Alduin and the CMC descended into Canterlot, the ponies in the city began freaking out. They all screamed in terror due to a dragon coming towards there city. The royal guard immediately dispatched and went to fight Alduin, only to be stopped by Celestia.
"Stand down my guards," she said. "This dragon is no enemy." She turned to Alduin as he landed. "What brings you here Alduin?"
"Well for on I needed to make sure these three got to safety," replied Alduin as he gestured to the three fillies on his back. "They told me King Sombra has returned."
"Well yes but I'm sure Twilight and her friends can handle it," Celestia replied.
"Still, I would just like to be sure. I will return soon." And so Alduin let the CMC be levitated off his back and flew towords the Crystal Empire."
Twilight's POV
I couldn't belive it. The crystal heart didn't work. We had lost, and now Sombra was going to take back the Crystal Empire, and there was nothing we could do. We failed everypony, and I failed Celestia.
"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sombra laughed at us. "Is that really all you elements of harmony can do? You have failed, and now the Crystal Empire is MINE! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"GRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!" Suddenly, an ear splitting roar filled the sky roar filled the sky. Wait, was it? No, it couldn't be.
"What was that?" Sombra asked and looked around trying to find the source of the sound. Then, he saw him. Alduin. He was flying full speed straight at the empire, a look of pure fury on his face. "What is that?" Sombra asked. Alduin then stopped right in front of him.
"Sombra, fos gave hi zaak lorot hi vust kos vos wah daal? Hi dreh ni meyar daar lokoltei, nuv dreh hi qaa!" Alduiin spoke in that strange language again. He recently told me it was the ancient language of the dragons, and that in order to use the same magic he does, you had to be able to speak that language.
"What did he say?" Sombra asked me. I shrugged.
"Sombra, what right do you have to be here?"
"What right? WHAT RIGHT? THIS IS MY KINGDOM! I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE HERE!"
"That may have been true one thousand years ago," Alduin replied. "But you are no longer welcome here! Fus Ro Da!" A blue pulse of energy came from Alduin's mouth and hit Sombra, blasting him off the crystal he was standing on into the streets below. He hit the ground head first and bounced. Alduin immediately flew after him. He landed on the ground in front of him and whipped his tail at him, knocking him even further down the street. Sombra got up and glared at Alduin. He created a crystal that rose up and nailed Alduin in the jaw. Alduin roared in pain and glared at Sombra. He charged. Sombra did the same and meet Alduin half way. Sombra prepared a crystal scythe and swung it at Alduin. Alduin however, caught the weapon in his mouth, and crushed it with his jaws. He blasted Sombra with fire, which sent Sombra flying back.
"Sombra! For your crimes, I banish you to Tartarus for all eternity!" A portal opened up and Sombra got dragged into it.
"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting to fight Sombra today. Then again I never expected to so I guess I can't use that excuse."
"Thanks Alduin," I said as my friends, my brother Shining Armor, and his wife Cadence came up behind me. "We owe you one."
"How about we keep this just between us?" Alduin said with a smile on his face. I smiled and nodded.
"Alduin, I'd like you to meet my brother Shinning Armor and his wife Cadance."
"It's nice to meet you, Alduin," Cadance said as she walked up to him and did a little bow. Alduin nodded.
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well Cadance." Shining walked up next.
"Thank you for saving the Crystal Empire."
"No problem Shining. Now, I need to return to the Crystal Empire before somepony thinks I helped too much." And with that, Alduin took off.
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5984143
Only if you want to be polite.
Sorry if this is all a bit confusing. Like I said before I have done some wrighting, just not to much
I wonder if you would be up for a crossover?
5985028 longer chaps plzzz
Sorry for the short chapters. It's just that at the beging of my books I use short chapters to get the people with short attention spans (no offence to anyone who does) hooked in and to get the feeling of the story across. I'll try to make them longer soon.
And NewUnitedEmpire I am willing to do a crossover
I'm sorry, but the writing is terrible. Its paced way too fast, I'm sure there's a good few grammar errors, and there's no conflict at all! Just pointless Mary Sue banishing! This needs a complete rewrite, NOW!
One, this is the begning of the story so I'm making it fast paced to get the point across. Two, this is my first story, so I'm not that good yet. Three, the next chapter will introduce the conflict but my editor is looking it over so please be pacient. Four, there are some grammar errors because Fimfiction doesn't have spell check and I've been kinda busy with other things so I kinda of rush them. And finally five, if you don't have any pleasent comments then please refrain from commenting. If you have a problem about my stories and it's not one that I asks my readers about to improve my stories, then just PM me. I didn,t have an editor before any of these chapters were released so yes there will be some grammar problems.
Dude.... There's a translator for the Dragon language.
5985292 He said yes in case you didn't get a PM.
5985466 With me as his editor (for now), I'll be pushing for him to make them longer.
5984306 .... Why didn't I get a notification about this?
Moon_Fire
5986031 Um, I'm using that translator
5986043 .... Really? Those sentences in the chapter didn't translate properly though.
5986107 yea I was confused when that happened too. I guess it's like google translate. Translates well one way, but not the other
5986039 It was on another chapter.
Because for some reason it doesn't tell you if a reply is on another chapter than the original comment, for some stupid reason.
I don't know. It just feels so, you know... Let me say it like this. This seems far too easy. I mean, he is beating the bad boys, like it was the easiest thing in the world and there is not even an conflict there at the moment. I think it is a little boring at the moment. I don't mean to insult you or your story, just something that I have noticed. Then again, maybe I'm too hasty? I have still a few chapters too read and there could actually a conflict come up.
I just note it down here and come back to it, after I'm done with the other chapters.
Technically, you didn't fight him.
6063003
I'm enjoying watching Alduin flatten everything without effort. The author can make enemies. Keep in mind the Daedric Princes and other things from Elder Scrolls that could threaten even Alduin.
Why isn't Alduin killing? He's a freaking dragon, and a former human. And he almost undoubtably killed some others during the fights a thousand years ago. Tirek had no soul, there wasn't really any point to killing him. Sombra? He's a slaver. Why the Hell not?! Also, when did Alduiin learn the pony tongue? He mentioned not knowing it before. Did he teach himself during the thousand years imprisonment?
I always think sombrero when reading sombras name.
6063003 so i am not the only one that noticed it in much of his storys?
the story itself are pretty good, the Characters are just made in a way, that they have nearly no problems, you have to try to give your Characters something that really test their limits i guess, or something like that.
Aren´t there any other Villain in Skyrim that can match his power?, so that he would have an enemy, that only he could fight, while Twilight can do something on he own?, or there could be one enemy from Equestria, and one from Skyrim, so they have to fight together, and i noticed you changed the order of the Villains, nothing bad, but weird since they probably have less problem with Sombra, and he still wants to help.
Maybe one of the storys i have in mind right now isn´t from you, but in some of your storys i get the feeling the character has an easy time to conquer Equestria, even if they don´t want to.
6164868 Well he can make, but till now it is a bit boring that he has an easy time, or it would be if i would not be used to it right now.
Like i said, think not to bad of it, but right now i probably would just let Alduin do every job, and use my freetime otherwise.
For the love of anything that you hold dear, SPELLING.
let us know when the pov changes cuz you forgot about it at the end of the ch....story is so far so good
I lol'd at the fus ro da part. Here's a vid for it.
fus ro dah!
Shinning Armor eh?
No just no learning the dragon language it just one step in many, Learning the dragon language lets you speak to them not shout that is something different it takes years of practice and meditation to learn to shout and it'd take longer to master it so whenever you speak you do not shout the only reason Arengeir can speak without killing us is because he is the strongest greybeard
????
4 chapters in, I feel like things pass by too quickly. He also feels a bit overpowered but I will finish the story before giving my final judgement.
Who did the banishing and why didn't they do it earlier?
Lol just translated it and it comes up with
"what gave you idea think you could be able to return? You do not self this empire, nor do you qaa! "
“Now, I need to return to the Crystal Empire before somepony thinks I helped too much.“