The Campfire

by Nue

... And the Familiar Mare

Twilight stood just before the threshold where the forest met the clearing where a familiar looking mare had set up camp. Through the trees, she watched the pony stare into the large fire, at how her ears seemed to twitch at every rustle of leaf and at the sound of the wind. She watched as the pony would jerk her head at any bird call or at the snap of a twig.

“I have to do this… I have to tell her...”

Twilight stared at the pony with sad eyes before stepping into the clearing, purposely stepping on a stick.

The mare at the fire instantly snapped her head towards Twilight. Twilight saw the hope in her eyes, in her every feature, disappear in a split second. But as quickly as it was gone, it was replaced with a small, friendly smile.

“Hello there” She called out to Twilight.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t know anypony was here. I was just hiking through these woods and I saw your fire. I guess I just needed to rest a little bit, heheh.”

The other pony quickly settled back down and bowed her head at the alicorn princess. “Oh, it’s okay. You didn’t scare me or anything… Would you like to sit down? I have plenty of water to share also.”

Twilight smiled at the mare and settled down on the adjacent log beside hers. The mare used her magic to levitate a canteen of water towards Twilight and she used her magic to levitate it in front of herself. She noticed stars on the canteen and stared at it before taking a few sips.

“Thank you” Twilight smiled at the other mare and she smiled back.

Twilight stared up through the clearing at the stars and moonless night. The large fire casting shadows along the ground and along the faces and bodies of the two mares. She looked back down and followed the shadows around the campsite. She took note of how there were pairs of everything. Two canteens, two logs to sit on, two sets of cutlery, but only one tent.

“Were you camping out on your own?” Twilight looked at the other mare.

Startled at the sudden question, the mare looked back up at Twilight. “Erm… No… I was… I was just waiting for somepony else.” The mare looked back at the spot where Twilight entered the clearing.

Twilight winced. “Oh? Did you two get separated? Is that why your fire is so large?”

“Yeah… Sort of… My marefriend she… We’ve been hiking and camping in these woods the last few days when we came across a new trail earlier this morning. I really wanted to see it and hike through it. But… There was an earthquake higher up the trail and some rocks and trees came between us. We got separated…

Twilight saw pain etch itself across the mares’ features. “She uh… She yelled out at me saying not to worry, that we can regroup at the camp. But her voice… It… It sounded strained. Forced.” The mare scrunched up her muzzle “Maybe I misheard or my panic was taking over. I didn’t exactly hear a lot of what she said, I mean, there was quite a bit of space between us.” The mare forced out a nervous chuckle but it died just as quickly. “I had tried to look for her all day now, but… I just thought it would be better for the both of us if I set up camp and made a nice big fire. I thought that maybe she could see the smoke or the light through the trees. I guess I kind of thought you were her for a second.” The pony looked up at Twilight, sadness and pain evident in her eyes.

Twilight smiled sadly at the other pony. “I’m sorry for not being her”

“Oh don’t worry about it at all! She’s a very strong pony, I’m sure it won’t be long until she finds me.” She smiled back at Twilight, hope lighting up the other pony’s face briefly.

Pain shot its way across Twilight’s chest when she saw her expression of hope.

“I can’t do it…”

Twilight turned away from the mare and stood up from the log she had been sitting on, using her magic to brush off excess dirt. “Well, thank you for the water and the fire, but it’s getting awfully dark now. I had better start heading back to my own camp otherwise I could get lost.” Twilight looked up at the dark sky, with only the stars shining some light down on the ground. “If I… If I come across another mare while out hiking, I’ll ask her about you and try to find you again.”

The mare stood up, thanked her and waved a friendly goodbye to Twilight as she waved and nodded goodbye as well.

Twilight trotted back into the forest and sighed, looking up at the stars. She walked slowly back to the clearing she had in mind, the warm, comforting fire from the other kind mare slowly getting smaller behind her. Twilight couldn’t get herself to look back at it.

~~~~~~

Since leaving the other mare, Twilight had been walking through the forest for only a few minutes, but she saw the sun start to peek itself over the horizon. She stared up at the sky, the sunrise casting beautiful hues of reds and oranges across the cloudless sky.

Twilight came upon a large clearing in the forest, a small but proud hill in the middle of the emptiness. She walked closer to the hill but stopped as she noticed the same mare from the campsite the night before, reach the top of the hill and sit down on her haunches. Twilight quietly walked to the base of the hill, giving the mare some privacy but still close enough so she could hear her talk. Sitting down on her haunches, she respectfully closed her eyes and bowed her head.

“Hey you!” The mare from the campsite cheered. “It’s been a while since we got separated huh? What took you so long to find me…?”

Twilight twitched her ears. “Ah… She must be talking to her marefriend… Well… I guess I’m glad she finally found her” She let a small smile spread on her lips.

The mare continued in her half cheery tone. “I wish you were with me a few nights ago, the night we got separated. The sky was beautiful, you would have loved it.” The mare giggled quietly “Even though you never really say so, I know how much you love the night sky, maybe even more than the daytime skies. But, I’m sure you saw it anyways. Remember how the sky was so clear? No moon at all, only the bright stars. I kind of wished you were with me though. That would have been the perfect night to show you the different constellations you’ve been asking about. Maybe we can go star gazing together next week? I’m sure we would both love that…”

Twilight listened as the other mare continued to talk with her marefriend. As she spoke however, Twilight noticed a change in her voice. She looked back up at the mare and saw tears rolling down her cheeks. As she watched the other mare talk, she felt warmth behind her eyes and on her muzzle. Twilight unconsciously lifted a hoof up to her face and felt her muzzle matted and wet. Twilight was crying as well.

“I uh, heh, you know… I’ve been practising a new spell right?” The mare continued “I asked my mentor about it. The spell… What it does is… Well what I mean is, if the caster uses it on themselves before they go to sleep, they can sort of… ‘Relive’ a certain time in their life through their dreams. I haven’t gotten that far with it yet but I promise to tell you after I’ve perfected it. Hey, maybe I could use it on you?” The mare giggled “Maybe you can be my first test subject? I know how much you like helping me with my study’s after all… Yes yes, I know how awesome I am at spells but I still enjoy your help you know…” The mare gave a small smile to her marefriend.

She stood up “Well... It was nice to see you again. Just remember though, we have a date next week, alright? I promise I will show you the different constellations…” The mare scrunched her eyes and bowed her head as she let the tears fall off her muzzle.

Twilight stood up, she wanted to comfort the mare but stopped just as she was about to walk up the hill. She saw how the mare shuffled her wings before turning around; her eyes firmly squeezed shut as she walked slowly down the hill.

As Twilight started to walk up the hill, she didn’t notice how close the other mare had gotten. Twilight let out a small gasp as the mare from the campsite walked right into and through her, her eyes still firmly squeezed shut.

“Oh yeah… This isn’t…” With a sad sigh and a shake of her head, she plodded the rest of the way up the hill.

Twilight bowed her head respectfully and looked down at the proud gravestone, reading the passage out loud...

“Here lies Rainbow Dash – Beloved Friend, Future Wonderbolt, Cherished Lover. She passed away on a hiking trip with her marefriend, Twilight Sparkle, when the two became separated by a sudden earthquake. Our hearts go out to you”

~~~~~~

Twilight found herself staring at the ceiling of the Golden Oaks’ Castle main bed chambers. The image of a gravestone as well as a foreign, yet familiar voice were bouncing and echoing insider her memory. She blinked the slimy tears coating her eyelids away as she sat up and looked around her room, trying to remember where she was. Her gaze stopped on a purple alicorn, her previous mentor, sitting next to her bed, regarding her with a pair of sad eyes. New tears began to brim Twilight’s eyes as she reached out to the older princess with a shaky hoof.

“I couldn’t do it Luna…” Luna embraced Twilight in her hooves and wings. “I just couldn’t tell myself what happened to her… Oh why couldn’t I have done it? I remember so many weeks ago when I would have done anything, anything to have even a single ounce of information about what had happened to Rainbow. And now that I have the opportunity to know what happened, I can’t seem to tell myself about it… I waited days for her to meet up with me in that forest… Wishing and hoping against hope she would walk through those trees to me… But when that day never came….”

Twilight sobbed audibly into Luna’s mane. “I just don’t think I wanted to relive that same pain when I first found out what happened to Dash. What had happened during that earthquake. In my dream, at the campsite, I can still remember the look on that poor pony’s face when I stepped into the clearing. That look of hope on her face… In the dream, it broke my heart to see it because I can still remember how I would turn my head at every sound, every snap of a twig, wishing that it would be the mare I was waiting for…”

“It still hurts Luna… What do I do…?”

Luna held the crying younger alicorn in her embrace. Luna had watched Twilight as she slept. Luna had seen the tears begin to form under her eyes, she watched as her breathing quickened and as she started to squirm while she was reliving the most painful part of her life through dream.

Luna cried with Twilight.

Author's Note:

You know, Considering how much I both love and hate sad stories, I find it fascinating how my first story would be a sad one...

I wanna say i'm pleased with how this came out, considering its my first story and I didn't really get someone to look over it. Even though it is rather predictable...
By the way... Wanna know where I got the idea and inspiration for this story? ... In a dream... Basically I dreamnt the first scene then everything else I thought up. Fascinating...

Comments

[Iron Comet]

Now that is a sad story you tell.

[Kodeake]

Either I've been completely desensitized or this isn't all that sad. Seeing as how just the other day I found a fic that damn near made my cry, I'm gonna guess it's the latter.

Sad fics like these are all about three things; the buildup, the reveal, and the emotions. If I were a teacher I'd give you a C for each. Luckily for you I'm not a teacher and will actually explain.

The buildup here was lackluster, for two reasons; because it was too short compared to the reveal, the two being almost the same length, and it didn't have enough foreshadowing, which can also be linked to the length. You have a good idea here but it could have been made better if you explored it more. Make the conversation longer, drop a few more hints it was a memory, stuff like that.

The reveal is too long. It should be dropped on the reader and left there to burn a hole through their heart. With this, you spoon-feed the reveal a little bit of information at a time. There's not a singular point of realization, not a suddenness sense of dread, nothing. That's not about it being fairly predictable - which it actually wasn't until the end - it was all about how you went about the reveal.

You actually did the best on the emotions. Especially when you have Twilight cry for a "unknown" reason while listening to her talk to Rainbow's grave. You could have done better had you given a little more detail about her thoughts and feelings, but as it stands it's not terrible.

Over all I have issues with your continuity. At first Twilight can talk to her dream-self just fine, but then her dream-self doesn't even see her? Besides that, how is telling her dream-self going to change anything? You didn't really explain much and while that can be a good thing in this case it just doesn't make any sense. You went too heavy on the explanation of what was going on and not enough on how it was all going on.

All in all, not terrible, but room for much improvement.

[Nue]

5941649 It really means a lot to me that you had decided to read and review my story. Thank you. (I was grinning like a dumb idiot reading your comment...)
I'll definitely try and take your advice into consideration if I ever decide to write another little story.

5941004 Thanks I guess? Would that double as a compliment?

[Iron Comet]

5941736 oh it was a compliment. It takes a lot to get me to feel sad. And this drug them out kicking and seaming into the light. So yes, me saying it's a sad tale really means I felt sad for Twilight, because I could both sympathize with here and understand her viewpoint.

[chuck-vic-norris]

Damn, this reminds me of another fic that clawed at my heart (IT IS A KORRASAMI ONE-SHOT, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED)

[Dragonrose Lovesong]

How was that predictable?

[Wahtiff]

You know, Considering how much I both love and hate sad stories, I find it fascinating how my first story would be a sad one...

Trust me, you're not alone there. I still find it amazing that even after all if the romantic oneshots I wrote, my first story was a momlestia fic with a much less expected pairing than what I usually prefer.

[McRandom]

Why do you do this to my feels? This was really sad...
I seriously almost cried, and that never happens with a story...

[flowgninthgil]

well sorry but i don't think i can finish it. it have a good start but my heart miss a beat when i read about dash and it make me even more sad to imagine who was the mare twilight encounter.
sorry but i don't think i will finish it now maybe later, who know but i think it's a relly great story even if i didn't read it. and a last time: sorry for not reading it