• Member Since 11th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen January 7th

Rayvinne


Tall lesbian who fixes stuff and makes coffee

T

The daring explorer, Nathan Drake, thought his days of adventure with Victor Sullivan and his wife, Elena Fischer, were coming to a close. They had found the legendary Iram of the Pillars, and pretty much saved the world from a power-hungry mad-person once more. They were forced to abandon their new plane high above the desert, and thankfully, this time, it had parachutes. If only Nate's parachute worked. He wakes to find himself in a desert. Again. Go figure. But this isn't any desert of Earth. He's trapped in a land where the sun never sets, and the remnants of ponykind struggle to survive, their final hope for their former lives to be restored seemingly lost, years ago. But Nathan provides a spark, and maybe there's still hope to be found.

[Based after the ending of Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception, and after the end of Season 2 of MLP. References to all three games are made, but not necessary to be known for the plot line. First 'crossover' Fic, constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. (Gore and mild language)]

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 50 )

Could use a little work, but impressive none the less.

I think this is the first Uncharted-Pony crossover I've ever seen.

Good job!

600957

Glad you liked it! And this part -was- a bit rushed, I'll try to go back later and correct it.

Really? Wow, don't I feel special, then. :pinkiehappy:

And thanks! I'll try to keep updates as regular as I can. (School:pinkiesick:)

An Uncharted Crossover. Sorry Bass, I have absolutely no idea-- anything about the Uncharted series. I've not played them, watched reviews, or anything. So, I have no context to call it good or bad, sorry. :pinkiesad2:

Hmm...
I'm going to bookmark this and see where it goes. This is an interesting idea, I don't think I've seen an Uncharted crossover yet

Just for the sheer concept of this... I'm doing every positive thing I can towards this story. Like read and like all your stories, and watch you and other stuff.

first time ever, i want to see where this is going, tracking

Love uncharted and mlp....tra
cking

There is one thing that is keeping me from reading this. And that is gamefly taking forever to give me uncharted 3

Well brass, this is one good story I'm gonna look forward to. Tracked :derpytongue2:

and from the looks of it, this is the first of it's kind, so you have officially, dear Luna I say it, entered Uncharted territory :facehoof:
oh ho god, that's a bad pun! hopefully this will prevent others from making one

I'd like to make a comment, but there's not much for me to comment on other than I hope you know what that bright flash was. I myself tried writing a story without knowing what the mysterious stuff was, and that was the death of the story.

Anyways, as a very big fan of the Uncharted series, I'll go ahead and let you know a few aspects of the series that I'll be looking for in this. This isn't a list of requirements, by any means. This is YOUR story, and as such, yours to do what you want with it, as you should. No one would want the quality of your work to suffer simplly for our pleasure. I forget what episode Rarity learned that lesson the hard way. I just figured that you might want to know what some fans might be anticipating. A little spice to the meal if you wish for an anology.

1: Nathan's dialouge. I got a big kick out of the random comments Nate would shout in-game. "Can't you see the helicopter!? I've got enough trouble already!" "How the heck am I supposed to take down a he-ello!" Just a few jybes from him at occational places or in the many times of bad luck and sucky perdicaments he finds himself in for us readers to smile at would be very much appreciate.
2: History lesson. This is a very tall and daunting order, seeing as for this to work, you really need to know your world history, and, especially in the case of this crossover, the lore of MLP (though with just 2 seasons, insight and logical speculation could make up any lack of Equestrian history). Though being able to use our own history and possibly even combine it with that of MLP in this story, we as readers will be able to feel a personal connection to this story that will really hook us in, just like that done in the Uncharted series. Like I said, a tall order, but one that if done successfully will lead to a VERY big payout.
On that note, if you don't think you can pull it off, don't rist it. Do research on it first if you really want to try it, but if this conflicts with YOUR plot, or simply don't know that much world history (I myself am guilty of that particular charge. Was lucky to get a B in World History I and II), don't bother. Like I said, don't sacrifice the quality of your work for anything. Your story should be know for you, not for what we readers want. On that note, I'll go aheadd and let you know the third thing we readers might be anticipating in your story.

3: Par'Kor/Free Running, and puzzles. As any Uncharted veteran knows, Drake is known for using his brains just as much, if not more so, than his brawn and gun-slinging skills. Being able to solve some puzzles alongside Nate would be an experience, especially seeing him figuring out how to monkey about for a banana :twilightsmile:. If you don't know very many mind-bending puzzles, or simply can't come up any good puzzles (I'm guilty of that too) don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember, we are your fellow bronies. We would be more than happy to help you out anyway we can. Just send us a heads up when you need it. We might even be able to send you to a few links so you can develope a puzzle yourself.

Ok, that's my comment, (more like a critique looking back on it now) but I really hope you appreciate it. I really look forward to seeing what you're going to do with this.

I can't say that I've ever seen an Uncharted & MLP crossover, but it looks interesting. I can't wait to see where you take this story. It has a lot of potential. I would offer some tips, but Grano Onis covered the major stuff. Don't be afraid to take extra time to polish up the story; this chapter felt a bit rushed.

Anyways, I can't wait to see where you'll take this. Hope to see more from you!

This seems legit you should continue:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

601904 - Thank you, but I think this one had, so far, received the most (And best) reception by the community.

602244 - Oh my. That was horrible. :facehoof:

602249 - Uh. Wow, long comment. 1) Yes, I too loved his random witty comments, and I'll do my best to get a few in. I haven't played the series in awhile, so my memory of it is a bit foggy. (I used Wiki and YouTube...hah) But along with Nathan's random remarks, I do plan to try and get several things that occurred in each (Or at least most) of the Uncharted games.
2) The history lesson? As much as I would love to do that, I'm in high school, and to make that even worse, I'm a freshman. As much as I love history (Best subject) my knowledge is pretty limited. I will try to include real facts in the story, but I doubt any Human has actually ever been too, or tried to go to Equestria. I'll keep real facts in there as much as possible, though. As for MLP history, it shouldn't be too drastically altered, but I'm not going to reveal anything more than that just yet.
3) Brains? I mostly used dumb luck. :rainbowlaugh: But yeah, I do see what you mean. (Sorta) But, at the moment, it's kinda hard to see how I'd put a puzzle into the story, unless there's something that I can't think of at the moment. But I'll see what I can do with what I got!

:pinkiecrazy: Lets go driving through the desert!!!

Wait, where did they find fuel for the Jeep? :derpyderp2:

616203

Shh!

Uh. It was in the jeep. Yeah. Lets go with that.

I feel that it was better than the first chapter, but it could still be improved. There were some grammar and spelling errors throughout that detached from the experience.

For example: "Come." it instructed, gesturing for the door and room beyond. The period after "Come" should be a comma.

The human and regal pony examined eachother, the former in a semi-shocked state, the the latter with mild curiosity. There should be a space between "eachother", and you repeated "the" in the second sentence. That should be "and".

Without my sister, the sun could not be lowered, I tried and tried, but I couldn't budge the sun, only Celestia has the power to do so, I may move billions of them, but ours is special, and only Celly's..." Run on sentence. Change the second comma into a period, or a semi-colon. Also change the fifth comma into a period. There should also be an apostrophe after "ours".

the tears had started to come again, and Luna was doing everything she could to keep herself together. Capitalize the first word.

After Braeburn was Rainbow Dash, one of the Elements of Harmony, and the only one who was known to still be alive, for the most part, Rainbow stayed to herself. This sentence could use some work. Its structure is awkward. You can fix it by simply changing the comma after "alive" into a period.

She didn't talk to anypony, didn't go about boasting, in fact, she hardly even gave Nate a second glance. Another odd sentence. Add the word "and" after "anypony,". Then change the second comma into a period.

There was a loud bang, followed by a repeated clink clink clink sound as an ancient lock, long forgotten came to life. You could improve this sentence. Move "long forgotten" between "ancient" and "lock". Or just delete it from the sentence.

He had nothing to loose, right? It should be "lose", not "loose".

I think I got most of them... Don't get me wrong, I don't think the story is bad. It's pretty good, but it needs some work to be great. I'd highly suggest looking over chapters a few times before uploading them. Or get an editor/pre-reader/what ever you want to call it. Over all, I enjoyed the chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next.

PS: I loved how you put a quote right at the beginning of the chapter. That was a nice touch.

616691

Thanks for pointing these out! I'll fix them when I get the chance! And I'll have to hunt for pre-reader/editor/whatever they are, it's hard to spot mistakes in your own writing.

As the the quote, thanks! I was wanting to find something fitting. Not sure if I'll be able to keep it up for each chapter, though.
Glad you like it!

You should use this site for quotes: Brainyquote

617135

That's actually where I found the one I used.

Hm, thinking about the given situation... why didn't Luna just make a lunar eclipse if she couldn't of lower the sun? She should have been/be perfectly capable of doing so.

i like where this is going:pinkiehappy:

That's quite the list there...:applejackunsure:

Wait...............you...killed....pinkie pie....
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRSozDuJvgQ2I29c_cnUdoWIf0J07vWEMpfziiuwv9UvmlU4gkFlg
Jk,but NO ONE KILLS PINKIE.....ITS LIKE DIVIDING BY FREAKING ZERO TWICE DAMIT.

657920

Don't kill me!

But honestly, it's Pinkie Pie. You'll just have to wait and see what happens!

657930I wont kill yeah,but pinkie will!Look there she is now!:pinkiecrazy:

657936

OH CELESTIA IT'S GOT ME......garsdfgnjirsngioerthj09e4wthju9340qy$#56349qhjreiagdf


Hi there! I'm Pinkie Pie! That Meany McMeany pants writer is gone now! And it's MY turn to write this story! I'll be back! Eventually. :pinkiecrazy:

657942Killing pinkie pie is like drinking apple juice after brushing your teeth,YOU JUST DONT DO IT.

657948

I'm doing my best to keep this pony under control, lest she spoil the ending.

But to those readers who hate me now, don't worry, and just keep reading until the end of the story! I PROMISE it will get there!

Hi! Pinkie Pie again!:pinkiecrazy: And in the end, Nathan goes and...

*whump*

*Thud*

Bad Pinkie! I said NO spoilers!

:pinkiesick:

Edit: Applejuice after brushing teeth is nasty. Good comparison.

Y1

A human in Equestria fic set in an alternate universe post apocalyptic Equestria? Color me intrigued.
It's interesting enough so far but at the moment your characters are pretty lack luster. I'm sure you'll fix that with time but maybe a little more dialogue might be a good idea.
I've never played the Uncharted games so I don't know too much about Nathan Drake but why's he not taking a gun? I seem to remember him having need of them pretty frequently from the trailers and reviews I've seen.
I am very curious to see where you'll go with the plot on this. For now I'll give it a like and if things improve I'll fave it.
Also your paragraphing is pretty poor, but you got an editor so I'm sure that will be fixed in future.

658108

Well, I am still new at writing, and I'm having to force myself to try and stay on schedule, and not stop writing halfway through, like all the others I have. I'll work on the wording some.

As for a gun, well, most likely they have been damaged by time, hooves, and the transportation to an alternate universe. Although many items remained intact, many would have been hard to maintain by anypony, especially if they didn't know what they did.

(Also, to all those comment readers, please keep these posts of obvious storyline flaws coming, that's where half the content is coming from. :rainbowlaugh:)

Y1

658136
One other thing I've noticed, so far you say there that there are two living elements of harmony one is Rainbow. But so far you've confirmed that Rarity, Pinkie and Twilight have died. That means that both Applejack and Fluttershy are still living.

1. I have a feeling the mare is Trixie
2. I called it on the two dead of the main 6 no offense intended

Y-y-y-ou killed R-r-rarity:raritydespair: NOT MY LOVE LIFE!!!:raritycry:


"Hey, this has parachutes, right?" Elena asked, recalling the very same event with their previous plane.
"Oh...yeah." Victor responded,blowing off the question.
"Three...right?" added Nathan,his arm draped around his wife.
"More or less." Victor teased,as they climbed in and got situated.
*Achievement. Get: Charted : Easy*
"... What! I played this game for the story! and since there is no money-acheivement-cheat system i will just have to jump to multyplayer and epic Mlp crossovers like this one. :twilightsmile:
(Inar reads to find out what the heck happened to equestria)

"Doctor Whooves, (Dinky) Doo, who was affectionately nicknamed 'Derpy', and their daughter, Dinky."
Derpy's other name us Ditzy Doo and Dinky is her daughter. In this sentence you named them both Dinky.
Other than that i found no problems.
+faves story* I get the feeling other creatures have met the humans and have guns, and mabye even know how to make then.

(Inar hides from Diamond dogs)

...still waiting...

1034087
I know. I'm sorry. :facehoof:

1034531
No worries, everyone here can patiently wait, a story as good as this must take time to write

1041985

Good? Ha! I find your joke funny.

I probably should let everyone know, but my editor, to no fault of his own, lost his ability to go online right after I sent him the chapters, so they could all be revised. Just our luck. :facehoof:

1041985 To clarify, his editor's laptop got stolen. 1042346 Tell you what. I'll be your editor, just so you can get the next damned chapter out.

...I'm thirsty...

Killing the ponies... Not cool.
Still, I'll wait and see how this goes.

And a mystery to spontaneously solve-
Amelia Earhart and Fred Noonan.

hope to see more but less of the pony killing:raritydespair:

Please write more im loving this its awesome, it is sorta sad, but I like that in stories, and yours is perfect

YES! SCOOOOOOOOOTSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:pinkiehappy:

Cool story, I like the cross over...too bad it's dead

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