Interlude: Today I Crush All Negativity
My big brother was the biggest, bravest stallion that ever lived.
The other fillies, and some of the mares, say I'm exag... exag... making it up, but I'm not. I'm only five, but I know there can't be two stallions as great as he was.
My name is Shiny Trinket. My brother's name was Iron Hoof, and he was a blacksmith. He could make or repair anything with his hammer and anvil. Anything. It was once joked that, if Princess Luna ever wanted the craters in the moon fixed, she could have taken it to Iron's forge, and he'd have it all done in half an hour.
But he was so humble that most ponies outside of our village had never heard of him. Even when we moved to Canterlot, most ponies hardly ever heard his name, even though he was the personal armoror for the princesses' royal guard.
He was everything that a stallion should be: Kind, humble, gentle, and brave, he didn't waste words, preferring to let his actions do the talking...
And strong. He was so strong...
When he needed to move his forge from our village down into Canterlot, he carried everything he needed on his back, including all of his hammers, his pliers, his bellows for the forge, and all twelve of his anvils. At once. On the same trip. And after carrying it more than thirty miles in a single day, he was still in fine enough shape to help unload it all, AND help me and the rest of the family unload the cart that he'd hauled along behind him. And believe me, it was one big cart.
We earth ponies grow up strong, dontcha know?
When the sun and moon collided, and Commander Hurricane began gathering strong stallions to face them, my brother volunteered, but the commander told him no: My brother had been sick that week, and was barely able to stand. While he couldn't fault my brother's courage, he wouldn't force a sick stallion to march out to face the fiends. Besides, with mommy and daddy having passed away just a few weeks before, my brother needed to stay with me to keep me safe.
Weeks later, everything was going bad. Really bad.
But there was hope: My brother and I had left Canterlot with a group of aristo... aristo... noble ponies, who had planned to go overseas and meet with the leaders of nations who had been Equestria's allies. They had hoped that the griffins, the minotaurs, and everybody else would help us eva... eva... leave Equestria, and takes us someplace where we could be safe.
And it was our bad luck that, two days out at sea, we ran right into the Boarc fleet.
We had hoped, at first, that the boarcs were there to help, but when the first round of cannon fire crossed our bows, those hopes were quickly dashed. The captain threw up the white flag, thinking that the previous attack was a warning shot... and a minute later, was reduced to a red mist when another cannonball hit him dead on. The boarcs weren't going to risk us escaping, to tell other nations that Equestria was in danger, and to rally others to our aid. No, they were going to take over, take everything, and sail off before anyone know what was going on...
A lot of the other ponies started crying, afraid. My brother, who had signed on as a bodyguard because he was so big and strong?
He just got mad.
As the biggest, baddest ship of the Boarc fleet approached, my brother, in armor that he had crafted himself, picked up his lance in his teeth, and as one of the cannons fired a shot fit to blow us out of the water, my brother swung his lance, struck the cannonball...
...and sent it flying right back into the cannon that had fired it.
The cannon exploded, and as the Boarc ship erupted into fire and chaos, my brother dashed across the deck of our ship, and jumped, landing on the deck of the boarc's flagship.
Oh, how I wish you could have seen the battle that followed. The boarcs hadn't been expecting a fight on their ship, so hardly any of them were armed or armored, and most of them were sailors, not soldiers. My brother might not have been a soldier, but he was as big and as strong as any five stallions you've ever met put together. As other ships began sailing over, trying to render aid, my brother held his ground against them.
My brother could not be beaten, not by dozens, not by hundreds! Part of it was his armor: My brother wore special armor, made from something he called Nth metal. He said that while wearing it, wizards couldn't use magic against him. But it wasn't just Nth metal: Adamantine, mythril, if there was ever a metal that worked well in armor, my brother's armor had it, and then some. The only way that the boarcs could take him down was with cannonfire, and they couldn't, because their ruler was on the very ship my brother was fighting on.
How do I know that? Because Diretusk's personal bodyguard, the Swineherd, climbed up onto the deck, and started going hoof to trotter with my big brother...
And if you think the fight from before was something to see, you hadn't seen anything yet: The biggest, strongest Boarc that ever lived, versus the biggest, strongest earth pony that ever lived. You could have sold tickets for an event like that. The two of them were fighting all out, and matched one another blow for blow. It was a battle that the bards would have sung epics about.
I was so busy watching the fight that I didn't notice that the ship I was on was sailing away. I didn't see why until the massive tenta... tenta... grabby-thingies of Squirk, the sea fiend, appeared, and started pulling down ships, one by one. We had to flee, the sailors told me: Squirk was quickly working his way towards us, taking down ships as he went. If we had stayed, then we all would have died.
All I could do was cry as the ship I was on sailed away, back to Equestria, leaving my brother behind, to a fate unknown...
The other fillies tell me that there was no way my brother was so strong. These days, they make up stories about him, in good fun, mostly.
They say stuff like, "Princesses Celestia and Luna had to use magic to move the sun and moon. All Iron Hoof had to do was glare at them, and they moved all on their own." "Lightning doesn't strike Iron Hoof; Iron Hoof strikes lightning." "Iron Hoof does not sleep, he waits." "Iron Hoof didn't need a forge, hammer, or an anvil to work metal: He would just pick up the metal, melt it with an angry stare, and then beat it into shape with his bare hooves." And so on.
If they had only seen him back then, they'd realize that, no matter what story they made up about him, it would never match the real thing...
-------------------------------------------
That was then...
--------------------------------------------
This is now.
As Acorn began studying the glass globe that contained Smooze, hoping to find a better solution than just breaking the glass, she was so focused on her task that she failed to notice a second boarc, the jailer's assistant, coming down a stairway on her right. The first she knew of him was when he slammed into her, at a full charge, with enough force to knock her off her hooves and into a nearby wall.
The blow was so severe that the normally reserved changeling let out a cry of pain. Acorn would have been embarrassed to admit that it was a particularly loud one...
The boarc who had struck her, who just seconds ago, was all fury and rage, suddenly looked terrified. "Don't be so loud," he whispered, pointing at a door he was standing in front of, a massive one bound with chains and a large bar across it, and also covered with magic runes. "You'll wake him up!"
But Iron Hoof does not sleep, he waits.
The door suddenly flew off of its hinges, taking the chains, the bar, and most of the wall with it, flattening the boarc against the opposite wall with such force that the boarc was thrown through it... and possibly through several others, although from where Acorn lay, it was difficult to be sure.
As the dust and wreckage cleared, a massive, impressively muscled pony with a gray coat, a black mane, and an anvil for a cutie mark emerged, a scowl on his face. "Ah'm already up," he said to what little was probably left of the boarc.
The jailer, surprisingly, slept through the entire thing, or perhaps was only pretending to sleep, lest he draw the ire of a stallion who could do that kind of damage with his bare hooves.
Taking in the appearance of the stallion, Acorn asked, "Would you happen to be Iron Hoof?"
The stallion nodded, and said, "Eeyup."
"Your sister speaks well of you," the disguised changeling said, then admitted, "although her description of you didn't do you justice."
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INTERLUDE UP!!!
Wow, you just created the pony version or Chuck Norris with an original name to boot...that's awesome
Omg. This guy... He's the ancestor of Chuck Norris! And they some!
Where's the clapping gif? Oh, here it is!
media1.giphy.com/media/XM9ejIHKC0MIU/giphy.gif
I'd not heard of that man until today. Thanks for the trivia. :)
Why does history class leave out all the interesting stuff for us to learn until AFTER we graduate? I'd have paid more attention if they didn't.
I'm calling it. That guy's either Chuck Norris or Mr. T in pony form. Maybe with a dash of Hulk Hogan in regards to the fillies boasts (Iron Hoof's so tough that a clock doesn't tell him time, he tells it.)
Still I'm pretty sure I've heard that name somewhere before, not in this story though, but definitely... Important...
Meh, whatever. I'll probably remember it while takin' a dump or something. My best thoughts always happen when I'm in the can after all.
so there is a unicorn stallion prodigy personally teach by Starswoarl the birder a Herculie strength Earth Pony. Whats next A Pegasus storm-weaver how can shot sonic rainbooms at will who mist the fight because he has a bad sens of direction or that he has a bas sens of direction and he was too much of a blockhead to realizes after a year that he was pointed to the wrong direction all this time?
I foresee Iron Hoof becoming an alicorn, probably with the stone dog's power.
You need to work on this here. He goes from having a child's vocabulary and syntax to having that of, well, an adult fimfic author :)
That was great. Good things only can happen with that guy around.
6200760 The first part was in First Person from Shiny Trinket's perspective. The second part was Third Person from the narrator. Thus, the difference in vocabulary and syntax.
6200736 Oh gods, guy doesn't need any more muscle. Although if he does get that much more power those stories might actually become true...
6200697 I've never heard any jokes of that sort about any person other than Chuck Norris. However, I'd like to think of Iron Hoof as a combination of Rhunon (the elven blacksmith who forged all of the Dragon Rider's swords) and Mitsukuni Haninozuka (the kid who once took down ~200 armed and trained soldiers on his own with his bare hands. Pic related.)
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files.riffsy.com/images/b079fb2bc8f3558fe70d634b0616910f/raw
I have to wonder if he would have been an ancestor of Big Mac...
CHUCK NORRIS PON- FUCK!
Why does everybody make the obvious joke before me, WHY!?
Well... either way, this is fucking awesome...
Eh, sorry, who was his sister again?
6200734 Like Masaki Andoh?
well congrats you have brung a ponyfied chuck norris to equestria. and when i believed a star god and a giant death laser was not enough. awesome.
Another enjoyable chapter. Great job.
A ponified Chuck Norris?
Wow.
Also, here's the updated list. I assume Shiny Trinket's one of the many virgins, so I added her to the "Virgins" list.
The virgins:
Rosy Sunrise- A crystal filly carrying Miss Bubbles, her pegasus doll. Introduced in chapter 7.
Sweet Melody- A yellowish mare with neither wings nor horn, but with a long and flowing mane and tail, and cutie mark that depicted a g-clef surrounded by little pink hearts. Has blue eyes. Introduced in chapter 8.
????????????- A fluffy pony with dark purple in coloration, but with a splash of light blue where her mane would be. First introduced in chapter 11, she has the ability to pull random objects out of its magical fur, including a violin and a pink surfboard.
Ginger Ale- A filly and a lone survivor in a destroyed village. Introduced in chapter 13.
Acorn- A changeling who disguised herself as an earth pony with dull brown coat, a darker shade for mane and tail, both unstyled and unadorned, but with bright green eyes. Has acorn for cutie mark. Is known as a forester due to the cloak that she is wearing. Introduced in chapter 13. Since she's a changeling, she's quite stealthy and seems to appear out of nowhere on various occasions.
Petite Madeleine- A unicorn pony with a golden coat, pink mane and tail, and blue eyes. Introduced in chapter 15, she is a patisserie and used to bake for the royalty before joining the 108 mares to resurrect King Sombra.
Storm Cloud- A pegasus mare with a lustrous black coat, a long, blonde mane, and bright yellow eyes. Has a tall and muscular build unlike any mares in Equestria. Cutie mark is a storm cloud with three lightning bolts shooting down from it. Introduced in chapter 20, she tried to become a knight, but failed to do so. Her father was killed by the Raptorians. In addition to her wishes being granted in chapter 21, Ambrose gave Arabus's lightning powers to her, which turned her into an alicorn. Helps out Ambrose in rescuing the mares from the Crystal Empire in distress in chapter 23. Kills the Raptorians in chapter 28.
Babbling Brook- An earth pony with a bright blue and often unruly mane, and a brownish coat. Introduced in chapter 20. Babbling Brook is iintensely observant, deviously clever, and has a near photographic memory. Is best friends with Storm Cloud.
Tick Tock- A small unicorn mare with a brown coat and a chestnut mane, along with hazel eyes wearing a spectacle. Has a cutie mark of two interlocked gears. Escaped Baltimare from a deadly onslaught of fiends. First appeared in chapter 22, she is sketching weapons that the ponies would make to defeat the fiends laying waste in Equestria. Helps power Ambrose up in by wishing Tirek's death in chapter 23.
Weeping Willow- An earth pony with a brown coat and dark green mane done up in dreadlocks, with a willow tree on her flank. Introduced in chapter 23, her town was destroyed by Tirek and wishes the main character to slay him.
Slapstick (Slappy) - An earth pony with a slate grey coat, a long pink mane, and green eyes. Her cutie mark is a jester's staff, complete with a goofy grinning head wearing a jester's capIntroduced in chapter 27, she used to be Celestia's party planner and court jester.
Shiny Trinket- Iron Hoof's younger sister. Introduced in chapter 29.
Other characters:
Archon- A golden robot-like pony being that guards the Sanctuary, a giant mountain fortress.
Miss Bubbles- Rosy Sunset's pegasus doll. After being repaired by Ambrose/Sombra's magic in chapter 7, it came to life in chapter 12 to save Ambrosa/Sombra from his impending doom thanks to blood magic that was used to revive King Sombra.
Aphelion- A unicorn stallion kidnapped by Sendak, Lord Tirek's master. After escaping Sendak's lair, he worked as an armspony and protected others from bandits or other monsters. Introduced in chapter 19, he goes on a quest to find and slay Tirek. Battles Tirek in chapter 23 before Ambrose finishes him off.
Chestnut Falls- A mare and a leader of the crystal ponies who escaped the Crystal Empire. Introduced in chapter 25.
Amber Waves- A purple earth pony with a blonde mane and wheat for a cutie mark who escaped the Crystal Empire along with Chestnut Falls. Introduced in chapter 25.
Radiant Hope- Crystal pony and Sombra's former friend. Is hiding in the unnamed purple fluffy pony's fur.
Pinkie Pie- A pony who JUST CAME OUT OF FREAKING NOWHERE. Introduced in chapter 25, she-HEY, EVERYONE! IT'S PINKIE! I AM SOOOOOOOOOO GLAD THAT I AM IN THIS FANFIC, AND THAT I AM READY TO START THROWING PARTIES FOR EVERYONE! Oh yeah, and I am totally known for planning parties, but you guys know that.
Iron Hoof- A humble and large muscular stallion with gray coat, black mane, and an anvil for a cutie mark. Introduced in chapter 29, he is as strong as five stallions put together.
So wait... you're telling me that the ancestor of one Big Macintosh was the pony equivalent of Chuck Norris?!!!
..... sounds legit.
And I have a sneaking suspicion that once he finds his armor and a big enough hammer, he will give Crunch a new name: Pea Gravel.
Iron Hoof wasn't born, he was forged.
When Sombra takes Crunch's power, I hope he gives it to Iron Hoof. Chuck Norris Alicorn that Eats Rocks would be fucking amazing.
6201134
Random Fact: also called a Zany!
6201271 in the core of a dying star, so it could live again!
6201019
I was thinking more of Reoga from Ranma½, but I thing it's just the same. he is supremely sunburn, monstrous endurances( no wander sens it take three days of wandering in the countryside before getting to his duel in street corner from his home), as strong as an ox, and dangerously shy and awkward with girls.
Why can I give this story anymore thumbs up?!?
After the idiot Boarc was obliterated with a door, sirens started blaring: "Warning, we have a Terror Level Brown, I repeat, Terror Level Brown. Execute Protocol N0P3."
I agree with some others in the comments, giving Iron Hoof Crunch's power would be epic.
6201559
You're missing the person who messes with a virus/ parasite that already makes its victims mindless slaves and upgrades it to be his/her personal army, like Alex Mercer, most of the Resident Evil people and me.
6201497 Every year, on his birthday, Iron Hoof tosses one lucky Boarc into the remains of the sun.
6202652
Iron Hoof once threw a grenade and killed fifty boarcs... and then the grenade exploded.
Iron Hoof would have counted for all the 108 virgin mares needed to bring back Sombra/Ambrose.
6201134
A couple of spaces would do you well, all I can see are two great walls of text.
Good work keeping up with all the characters though.
+ a chaos god, reality-warper Pinky Pie, Sombra x2, and The Goddamn Chuck Noris
I really need to watch whatever Grogar is in if he can still fight Team Sombra.
I like this guy. I want to see more of him. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
Every time Iron Hoof stomps his hooves, a volcano erupts somewhere in the world.
Speaking of epic. Now we have an army and another one-stallion-army! Woohoo!
6202731 Fluttershy is the direct descendant of Iron Hoof; how else would she have learned "The Stare?"
6202084 I think that might be overkill. You know. Like giving Pinkie Pie coffee.
6204317
Controlling the Technocyte was a nightmare, but it paid off. Everything is vulnerable to it: machines, living creatures, corpses,Tenno...my force always grows. Each of my...children...struck down will be re-used to create stronger and more pure creatures. You clear a ship of "Chargers"? I now have two Juggernauts and at least two dozen Brood Mothers or Ancients. I would suggest you do something similar...as I have gained immortality from my work.
Ponies have Chuck Norris jokes. I keep loving this story more and more.
To be honest, Iron Hoof makes me think of Pier Gerlofs Donia—seven feet tall Frisian freedom fighter and pirate; allegedly so strong that he could easily bend large coins with just his thumb, index and middle finger as a parlor trick, pulled the plow himself instead of using oxen, and could deadlift a grown stallion; and that he could wield a seven-foot fifteen-pound great sword (normally great swords are only about two-thirds the length and not even half the weight) with the power, speed, and skill to behead several people or cleanly bisect a man in a single stroke.
6203359
Iron Hoof can bend a gold coin in half... with his eyelids.
6206547
Iron Hoof's singing can hypnotize sirens.
Iron Hoof's so tough, his sweat is an illegal steroid on steroids.
Gotta say I'm really enjoying these Hoofamania boasts we've all got goin' on around here.
Fausticorn can walk on water, Iron hoof swims through land.
I loved the addition of pony Norris.
6206567
Iron hoof once gave an uppercut to a pony that made fun of his sister. That pony is known as the first giraffe.
6207128
Iron Hoof's breath can melt a glacier.
6207150
When Iron Hoof breathes at a beach, a tsunami appears on there opposite coast.
6207159
Iron Hoof can slice through a boulder with a flick of his tail.
6207180
Iron HOof can cook sidewalks on eggs