My Curiosity Knows No Bounds
Chronicler's Note
Before I continue with this record, I wish to go on record saying that, as bizarre as the events recorded in this volume may seem, they are the subject's own words, without exception, alteration, or omission. Warts and all, as requested by the subject himself.
In truth, I find that much of what he has said matches what is written in the history books. Don't believe me? Here's an excerpt from one of the first histories written during that time period. Judge its veracity for yourself.
-------------------------------------------
From the Chronicles of the Imperial Loremaster, penned in the first year of the New Equestrian Empire.
And so it came to pass, in the year after the event now known as The Ruin Of The Heavens, Sparkling Sunset, leader of the One Hundred And Eight, stood within the Cavern Of Rebirth, and performed the Rite of Resurrection. As the mares watched in awe, the remains of King Sombra, he who was once slain by the princesses, became whole once more, and began to breathe.
And lo, while the sleep of death was peaceful, the flavor of life was as sweet as honey, and King Sombra sprung from the ritual slab, and announced his return to all who might hear. While there was confusion in the first moments of his revival, King Sombra quickly established order, and after learning of the state of the world, he taught Sparkling Sunset the key to opening the Road of Rainbows, and led them to the hidden fortress of Sanctuary, just before the dreaded legions of Diretusk the Cruel, may his name forever be cursed, found their refuge.
As they entered the fortress, Sombra and the 108 were confronted by the golden guardian, the keeper of Sanctuary. While at first, there was friction between the eternal guardian of the fortress and the reborn king, before long, the king's courage, kindness, and self-sacrifice would begin to warm the heart of the undying steward. It was shortly thereafter, upon the very steps leading to the fortress' heart, that the great king first declared the Covenant of the One Hundred and Eight, promising to repay each of the mares for their role in his revival.
Even though there was a small disagreement between how Sanctuary would be utilized, once its capabilities became known, great and mighty Sombra reminded his new subjects of the strength and courage within each of them, and they were soon resolved to do battle with Diretusk, and all the other fiends currently ravaging Equestria.
However, as the fortress began to rise, the wicked Swinelord's covetous eye fell upon it, and commanded Arabus, the fiend of clouds, to capture the fortress. The fortress, not yet fully awakened, was in dire peril, yet King Sombra, filled with courage and valor, did ride the clouds as one might ride a chariot, and did battle with the fiend. At first, it seemed that he who rules might fail, but the great king launched an audacious gambit, and invoked the wrath of Arabus many victims, and performed his first great miracle: He pulled a star down from the heavens, and with its power, he smote the fiend down forever, and took the villain's powers. Diretusk and his legions, upon seeing the invincible might of Sombra, fled in terror.
However, even one so mighty as he who rules could not help but to feel exhaustion after such great works. And so, weary from the trials of the day, Sombra returned to the fortess, and fell into a deep slumber.
And Discord, eternally unpredictable Discord, watched all of this transpire from a nearby mountain peak, and smiled...
And thus ended the first day...
--------------------------------------------
I can't help but wonder if the Imperial Loremaster ever actually spoke with the subject of his chronicle...
Anyways, that's enough from me for now. From here forward shall be his majesty's words only.
--------------------------------------------
My dreams have always been weird, even before I ended up in Magic Ponyland, no, sorry, Equestria. But the dream I had that night was unlike any I'd ever had before.
The first thing I became aware of was the sound of children laughing.
I opened my eyes, and saw two little ponies at play in a grassy field. One was clearly a miniature version of Sombra, one that looked as if he'd had all of the bastard sucked out of him. The other was a little filly, with a purple coat and a blue mane, with clear blue eyes. I felt a strange sense of recognition, as if I recognized her on several different levels, but I couldn't actually place how I knew her. The color scheme? Her voice? I don't know.
Somehow, I knew almost instantly that I was dreaming. There was a strange qualityto the dream that made it impossible to confuse with the real world: It's kind of like how you can, even with the best high defination screen in the world in front of you, with the best 3D technology available, be able to tell the difference between an image on a tv screen and real life. In spite of being in three dimensions, everything had a... 'flat' quality to it.
I realized, in a distracted sort of way, that I was back in my sexy, sexy, sexy, sexy body. That would explain, I suppose, what I saw next...
As I looked to one side and saw the adult version of Sombra, bastardliness and all, sitting beside me with a gloomy expression, I also realized that the reason why I could tell it was a dream was because it wasn't 'my' dream. I was looking at one of King Sombra's dreams.
I cleared my throat, and noted his ears gave a slight twitch. Certain he could hear me, I asked, "So, who's the little lady?" I had a feeling there was a story there.
For a moment, I thought that Sombra wouldn't respond, but after a few seconds, he said, "Radiant Hope. The first, and only, friend I ever had growing up."
"So you had a Hope, too?" I asked, a little surprised.
"We are... similar, you and I," Sombra admitted after a moment's hesitation. "I was only able to bring you to my world, and place you in my body, because in your dimension, you're the equivalent of me, although the differences between our respective dimensions is so great that the similarities are mostly superficial."
"So, what happened with you and her?" I asked, as I filed that piece of information away for later evaluation. Sombra had mentioned compatibility before he'd sent me here. I couldn't help but wonder what that actually entailed...
I was honestly more interested in the story between these two little ponies, though. They seemed to get along together very well. While still quite young, they certainly seemed 'compatible' in their own way, and when both of them matured, they'd certainly have made a cute couple.
"I don't want to talk about it," Sombra immediately stated bluntly.
This made me even more curious. Had there been some sort of a falling out between the two? Had Sombra confessed his true feelings to the mare he'd grown up with, only to be shot down? Had she been slain suddenly, and tragically, right before his eyes? Had whatever happened to Radiant Hope been responsible for King Sombra becoming the king of bastards?
I had a distinct impression, though, that if I pried, I'd be lucky if all I got was a refusal. I didn't know if Sombra could hurt me in a dream, but since they were his dreams, and not mine, I wasn't going to try and test that. Instead, I decided to tactfully change the subject.
"So," I began, "what's the story with those markings on the backsides of all the adults?"
----------------------------------
Fifteen minutes later...
"So... let me get this straight: Every pony, typically at around five years old, barring a few late bloomers, gets a mark on their ass that proclaims, for all the world to see, what they'll be good at, or what they'll enjoy the most, for the rest of their lives? And said mark cannot be changed in any way, shape, or form, once obtained?"
"Essentially, yes," Sombra said with a nod, then added, "Although the proper term is 'Flank'."
There were questions upon questions I wanted to asked about that, like, 'What if it turned out that the only thing somepony was good at was killing people?' or 'What would a prostitute's cutie mark look like?' However, I was slightly terrified of what the answer might have been. Instead, I asked, "And no one finds this strange?"
Shrugging, Sombra said, "It's magic. Of course it's strange. However, it helps in cutting down on our race's existential angst. Most ponies are given a clear idea of what they'll be best at, and are given their entire lives to refine their talents to their utmost. Our poets, artists, craftsponies, and sundry others, are able to achieve mastery years before nearly any other races' can. A griffin artist might not become a true master until well into his fiftieth year, and might manage only one true masterpiece in his lifetime, before age renders him unable to compose anything else. An equine artist can reach his or her peak before their thirtieth birthday, and keep going strong for decades. " With a smirk, he added, "It also simplifies the education system somewhat: If your talent is going to be cleaning floors or catching vermin, then you really don't need to spend all that much time learning trigonometry, eh?"
I chuckled in spite of myself, and added, "Fair enough. Still, I don't know how much I'd like it, having my talent, or even just my hobbies, branded on my... flank. I mean, some people back home have weird jobs, and even stranger tastes. Having that kind of thing on display..."
Rule 34 of the internet: There is porn of it. No exceptions. Rule 51: Whatever it is, it is someone's fetish. No exceptions. If you saw someone with a whip for a cutie mark, would it mean that they're good at using a whip, or enjoy getting whipped? Or maybe their ideal job is a lion tamer, or a dominatrix? Or if their mark was a pair of lips, would it mean they're a good kisser, or enjoyed giving and/or receiving oral sex? Hell, if their mark was a chicken, what would that 'really' mean? Cowardice, skill at animal husbandry, or something a whole lot freakier?
Sombra interrupted my thoughts by stating,"It is what we have. While we may question it at times, it is something that exists in our world, so we work around it. Typically, it works out well for everyone. End of discussion."
Noting, for the first time, the lack of a mark on Sombra, and recalling the fact that I never noticed a mark upon my own... flank while I was him, I suspected that this was a sore spot for the unicorn. Well, I imagine that an evil overlord's mark wouldn't be all that nice to look at anyways...
I shrugged, and said, "Fair enough. I've got a few other questions, if you're willing?"
Sombra snorted, and said, "Fine. Do you want the Hammerspace lecture or the Hoofgrip lecture? Either one will take a while."
Both sounded interesting, I admit. Still...
"I think a crash course in Equestrian history would be a good idea, followed by a primer in how to work magic."
Sombra nodded, and admitted, "Fair enough."
----------------------------------------------
I was honestly surprised by how... little Sombra really knew about history. I mean, most of what he told me sounded less like a history lecture, and more like someone telling a story. I was reminded, once again, that this was a medieval era world, and the average person wouldn't know all that much about the past, and even the aristocrats and kings of the past weren't that well educated, when you got right down to it. There was a reason why a lot of kings had advisers, after all. Still, a question soon came to mind, and I couldn't help but ask it...
"Just how old are you, Sombra?"
Taken aback, the king paused his lecture, and then, surprisingly, he blushed. After a moment, he muttered something.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked, straining to hear.
"...Eighteen," Sombra admitted.
I gave the large, well-built pony a look, and asked, "Seriously?"
He nodded, blushing even more brightly than before, but didn't seem ready to speak.
"Dafuq? How is that even possible? You're almost twice as tall as the mares we saw out there, and you've got more muscles on you than any two of them put together."
"My dark magic," he explained, haltingly, "improved my musculature somewhat..."
Incredulous, I asked, "So, the dark side makes you swole?"
"That is... one way to put it," Sombra admitted. "Until I awakened to my true nature as an Umbrum, a shadow pony, I looked mostly like an ordinary unicorn. As I came into my full power, my body increased in size and strength as my magical powers grew stronger." He stopped, and said, "That's enough for right now. There are things you don't need to know right now."
"I kinda think knowing about your species, and your capabilities, is really fucking important if I'm going to be pretending to be you," I stated flatly.
Sombra, seeming to get a bit of his confidence back, said, "There was only one pony who knew of my true nature, and... she won't be in any position to tell anypony." Giving me a glare, he added, "End of discussion."
"Fine. But we will be talking about this later," I said, giving him a glare of my own. Unlike the average Equestrian, his glares had no effect on me, it seemed. "In the meantime, why don't you tell me what you did in the Crystal Empire that made Ladyhawke hate you so much."
He snorted, then admitted, "I murdered the princess who ruled the land, stole an artifact of immeasurable power, then enslaved the populace, using my dark magic to rob them of their memories, hopes and dreams so that they couldn't oppose me."
I gave Sombra a long look, and said, with all the sincerity in my heart, "Sombra, you are a fucking asshole."
The... Umbrum chuckled, and said, "That assertion has been made, although never so... eloquently."
I continued glaring at Sombra, and after a moment, I said, "That wasn't a joke, Sombra. Why the fuck would you do something like that?"
Matching my glare, he said, his voice raising in volume as he spoke, "My entire race is buried in a cave underneath the Crystal Empire. The relic known as the Crystal Heart serves to seal them away, keeping them weak and unable to escape. I, on the other hoof, after being found outside in the snow, was raised in the city, and every year, the entire city held an event called The Crystal Fair, which invigorated the heart, and as a side effect, left me in crippling agony for an entire day. The fair before I fully awakened to my powers would have killed me, had my only friend not been there, and had her own magical powers awaken at that moment! And she was going to be leaving soon, to study under the princesses!! WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED THEN!?!?!?" Shouting now, he roared, "THE PRINCESS KNEW!!! SHE KNEW WHAT I WAS, THAT THE HEART WOULD DESTROY ME, AND SHE NEVER TOLD ME, NEVER WARNED ME!!! SHE LET ME SUFFER, IN PAIN WORSE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE, AND NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME WHY!!!!"
My expression didn't change. I'd lived with my version of Hope: I know a bit about teenagers and their temper tantrums. Yes, he might have had a legitimate reason to be angry, but murder? That was going too far. Especially in magic pony land. "So why didn't you just leave?"
Taken aback, Sombra asked, "Leave?
"Well, I mean, if it was one day out of the year," I explained, "why not leave for one day, and come back? Heck, if Hope was leaving, why not go with her? If being in the city caused you to suffer, then why not leave?"
"But..." Sombra sputtered, "My people..."
"What kind of ponies were they," I asked, "that they were so feared and despised that they were sealed away, and an entire city used to keep them imprisoned? You don't do that kind of thing to ponies who make shoes for orphans and weave blue blankets for baby bunnies. You do that to monsters. The kind of monsters that just can't be reasoned with." A thousand video games, animes, and mangas had taught me that lesson. I paused, and said, "You're angry. You had a right to be angry, from what it sounds like, although maybe nor as angry as you currently are. But you need to look beyond the anger, and think things through. I have a feeling that there's something that you're overlooking. Something simple, and obvious, and unbelievably important, that you should be focusing on, rather than your anger."
"You have no idea what..." Sombra began, before my hand shot forward and thumped him on the nose.
"I may know more than you think, Sombra," I retorted as he rubbed his sore proboscis, "I am you, and you are me. The difference is, when I got a bitter mouthful of the truth, I didn't let it turn me sour." I smirked, then said, "Let's leave it be for now. We've got plenty of time to talk about your issues, and compare emotional baggage. Right now, though, I'd like to learn a bit more about magic."
Sombra gave me another glare that bounced off of me like a Superball thrown at a trampoline. After a moment, he blinked, sighed, and said, "Fine."
---------------------------------------
An hour later, I knew a bit more about magic, but not quite enough that I felt confident in using it myself yet. Still, as I began to transition from my dreams to reality, I felt I was getting closer to being able to become a wizard. It might be a while before I would be able to wreck shit on the scale of Dark Schneider or Lina Inverse, but I felt the day might soon come when I might be able to join those ranks without becoming a gigantic shadow monster...
As I came into true consciousness, I felt something. It took me a moment to realize what the warm feeling was, the sound of several people, no, ponies, breathing, and the warm, contented noises coming from all around meant.
'Dammit.'
*What?*
'We left our swag on last night. We're going to wake up covered in mares.'
*Heh. Open your eyes, dimwit.*
I opened my eyes, and saw that I was... sort of right. I was in a large bed, easily large enough to hold dozens, which was good, given that I was apparently sharing it with about thirty fillies, all of whom were sleeping peacefully.
'Sombra, your swag is broken. Fix it.'
Sombra's only response was to blow a raspberry.
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NEW CHAPTER UP!!!
>That feel when everything crumbles thanks to fiendship.
Although not gonna lie, that anger fit was pretty swell.
I am intrigued to see how many of these dream sequences you can fit in here, as they are quite a boon for the story.
Also, the thought of Sombra blowing a raspberry is a lot funnier than it should be.
BROKEN SWAG ON AISLE FOUR! I repeat, BROKEN SWAG AISLE FOUR!!!
'Sombra, your swag is broken. Fix it.'
HA HA HA. Do we need fix-it Felix?
Someone with artisitic abilities and a strong heart needs to create the diabeetus-inducing end scene for this chapter.
Lol broken swag! Loved it!
m.quickmeme.com/img/4e/4e5110e954f9d04d1841d9061c418496a07952c3cd516afe3ac8267469c0659d.jpg
Poor guy. Anyways, I look forward to the next chapter as always.
lol. Broken swag.
This chapter felt kinda short. I guess not much happened...
Why would you throw Agent Superball at a trampoline?
I bloody called it! Mares! Or well Fillies, but I knew he as going to be surrounded by the opposite gender!
I don't know who they are or what's the reference.
Even though Sombra hasn't done anything evil since he was resurrected, I'm surprised the adults would let the kids sleep with him. After all not everyone is so easy to forget and forgive.
Since not everyone is big on classic animes, I'll give you guys a little briefing on the characters mentioned in the latest chapter.
Lina Inverse, of the Slayers anime series, the patron saint of disproportionate retribution, she possesses a spell called Dragon Slave (Dragon Slay might have been a better translation, but the Slave stuck), which is powerful enough to destroy cities, slay dragons, and kill demons. She tends to cast that spell every time someone makes a comment on her bra size. This happens with such regularity that it's become one of her defining characteristics.
Forgive the bad 1990s dubbing, they chose the wrong guy to do the main character's voice acting.
Dark Schneider, of the anime Bastard!! Patron saint of God Mode Marty Stus, and also the patron saint of I Don't Give A Fuck, and Fuck You, I Do What I Want, He tended to be an a-hole to everyone he met, and got away with it because he was the most powerful wizard in the world. He also, in addition to his ridiculously strong offensive spells, possessed in the manga the Dispel Bound, the most ridiculously extreme defensive spell ever. How extreme?
Dispel Bound produces a number of shields to block any attack aimed at him. Each shield can take up to the force of a nuclear blast before breaking. And the shields can only be targeted one at a time, and dispel whatever attack was launched at him when it breaks. And the shields auto-regen. And he can repair them manually at positively absurd speeds.
And in the unlikely event that someone manages to get through that, they have to deal with his durability which allows him to take attacks that can destroy galaxies. Oh, and should they somehow manage to pierce those defenses, he possesses obscenely powerful healing abilities that include being able to survive ripping his own heart out, and finally, he still can't be killed unless you destroy his body, spirit and soul in three different dimensions at the same time. What's truly scary is that there are people in the manga powerful enough to accomplish this.
He manages to get away with this by being incredibly entertaining. He once gave this little gem of a speech:
Oh, and he regularly broke the fourth wall. He was just that cool.
5997907
Superball: Rubber bouncy ball. Yeah, there's an official name for them. Go figure.
5997959
Ah, just posted the response before I read your post, sorry. You can get a briefing here:
5997963
Two classic anime characters known for being powerful and tending to blow stuff up with alarming regularity, in spite of being the heroes.
Swag broken, replacement will be shipped out in the next update
Patch will attract 50% more mares
Patch will also address the following
-magic use
-soul merging
-badass lvl increase
-badass ceiling lvl taken away
-filly magnet increase
-sympathy of big bad increase
-cult following empowerment
-blood magic and you
Rest can be found in patch notes
He's that good, and at age eighteen?! Man, Sombra's either some kind of prodigy, a magical genius, or an idiot savant... maybe even a little bit of all three.
CUTE FILLY SWAG FOREVER!
A Slayers reference? I was worried no one knew about it anymore. I think I might cry a little.
5998059
The comic Fiendship Is Magic, issue one, gives Sombra's backstory. Sombra's rise began at a point in time when he was still living in an orphanage, so he was Twilight's age, if not younger, when he became the bastard we now know. More importantly, before becoming King Sombra, he was regular pony sized, rather than as big and buff as Big Macintosh. So, like Ambrose said, 'The Dark Side Makes You Swole'.
I wonder if I could make that a trope?
5998099
Heh, true classics never die. I also remember Yu Yu Hakusho, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Blue Gender, Tenchi Muyo, Chobits, and Ranma 1/2. Yes, I am a bit of an Otaku.
Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha... oh, Slayers....
No, seriously. How old are you? No one younger than my age group would have any idea what Slayers even is!
Although now, I can't wait until Sombrose unlocks the true power of the Giga Slave.
5998149
I am as old as the hills, as young as the moment, and crazier than a soup sandwich.
5998144
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/903/207/a4f.gif
5998139 Yes truly your otaku ways are strong... now If I could only find any Outlaw Star references, then my life will be complete.
That ending.
That's where I lost it.
Broken swag attracts younglings. Good one
I love these exposition chapters, backstory is always good to have. And yep, Sombra basically threw a temper tantrum and then went on a murderous tyranny.... not a good way to properly start it off. Oh well, at least he'll have a chance to kinda sorta fix it now!
Well that was a nice interaction between Ambrose and Sombra in the dream world. Lol at the scene, though.
First huh? that implies that there are were others that he has performed. wonder how is he gonna do to either be the same or better yet, top the badass move of pulling a star, eating it and using it as a fuel source to smote the cloudy demon to kingdom come.
hehe, can't wait!!
5997963
Don't forget one of Darshu's shields protects specifically against losing, period.
Also, Meta-ham.
"Why, you're the ugly macho bad guy. And everyone knows the Macho Badguy can't win, especially when he's up against the handsome and popular main character."
*not
Oh good, I was hoping Sombra would end up redeemable...
Sometimes few words are better than the paragraphs I was going to write, so lets resume things.
Awesome >:3
The site can't handle the likes I would give this story. Good work BN. Have some moustaches:
5998139 Ah good old Ranma 1/2, kind of left me irritated that they never finished the anime. Oh well, at least we had the manga.
Ahahahaha, fucking seriously? "Fear me, for I am King Sombra the Young Adult! I am greater and more masterful than ever, for my balls have just dropped!"
I am fucking dying over here.
I liked this chapter.
5998828 Here's a question: Does this make CelestiaxSombra borderline jail bait?
5998166
This is only the beginning of history.
Great chapter.
This is freaking amazing. I love this fiction now. Though being a shadow pony that is little messed up in the head might not be able to calibrate their swag right. Still the human in his head probably threw a few kinks in it.
Heh.
A very enjoyable chapter. Great job.
5998144
5998157
What is this one? It is the only reference I didn't get.
I must know!
Heeee, that last bit. Perfect.
5998828 OH GOD.
5998828
In Sombra's defense, Alexander The Great was king at 16, and a couple of years later, he was off conquering the known world. Age matters little, it's the will that matters most.
If there are 108 virgin mares on the ship, and Sombra... What about the rest of Equanity? Are they trapped, sealed away until they can be freed... Or is Equanity doomed due to lack of genetic diversity? (1000 unique people needed minimum to restart a species- and that, on a specific schedule on who reproduces with who.)
Crap.... you forgot to turn the swag down...
Hahaha...
I'll just turn it dow..... wait, nevermind, it stays on from now.
Bucking Nonsense, I've got two and a half questions: why do I keep forgetting the main guy's name (and why do I confuse him with Conrad from the tirek one)? And will you make a Queen Chrysalis story next?
6001065
They're more or less in hiding, mostly. Most of the major cities are in ruins, and before Diretusk's arrival, the villages were being hunted out, one by one. Ponies are hiding in caves, in out of the way places, anywhere the fiends are unlikely to look. If Diretusk were to succeed in Subjugating all the fiends, then every pony would be rounded up, placed in chains, and then hauled to Boardor as slaves, and that would be it for the kingdom of Equestria, and probably the entire Equestrian race. Game over, the ponies lose.