A short story based on the bodyguard!verse by Earthsong9405. It's after a Rarity's attempted assassination and Twilight was really injured, if you get confused.
Rarity goes through court and does her best to keep her emotions hidden from Twilight, not knowing almost everypony is the castle is crossing their hooves for them to be together
Probably gonna upload little stuff now and again.
This wasn't pre-read so it's kinda rough and I figured I should publish it 'cause it's been sitting in my Google Docs for months, and I thought it was cute and I personally really like how it turned out. Enjoy!
Chapters (2)
On one hand I want to know what happens next, on the other I enjoyed what little there was to the point I can not complain beyond stating my desire for more.
5723721
That really means a lot to me, considering you are one of the first people to read it and you liked it, because I'm trying to find a story I love that other people love to. I know that trying to please everybody leads to nobody pleased at all, but still, I really appreciate it
Ahh, this was super cute! My only suggestion is perhaps spacing out more the part where they're describing the assassin, though it's also six AM and I'm dead tired so maybe my brain isn't processing
Again, very cute ficlet, and I'm glad you posted it waaaaah
dude it would be awesome if you could do another one. this was epic. maybe if you can. could you do a version of the au zombie world. with rainbowdash and fluttershy? that would be awesome.
I love this AU so much, Earthy is an absolute genius. This is an cute interpretation of some of the stuff she's put up, as well. I do have some advice, though, if you don't mind me giving it. I can see that you're trying to be descriptive, and that is a good thing. Stars know I suck at description. I think, though, you're focusing on just telling what everything looks like. You don't have to point out and overemphasize the dilation of Rarity and Fluttershy's eyes, as you did at the beginning. A mention of it is fine, but you stated it I think about four separate times. I think maybe a good example would be this part:
"The brash, pink coated pegasus, thoughtful cloudy grey earth pony mare, and the inquisitive pale grey unicorn, all turned their heads at once toward her, training 3 sets of eyes onto her, one a intense, reckless violet, one a bright and, if you looked deep enough, playful shade of cloudy green/blue eyes to match her mane, and the last a very wise and, again if you looked deep enough, warm icy blue eyes."
Give the scene that happened just above, you can just say their names, as it simply helps the story to flow much better. The other thing is the constant near-interuptions of your descriptions. The parts where you point out 'if you look deep enough' or say 'again' when describing something in this manner tend to do more to pull readers out of a story and destroy the suspension of disbelief rather than pull them into what you're saying.
Your writing and this story is adorable, though, and I did enjoy it.