A well-dressed human walks into a bar.
Well, actually, no. He has just barely been fitted for a wedding, when suddenly, he get's sucked into the magical land of Equestria!
Triggers include: Human in Equestria, some language, eloquently crude humor, a well-mannered and -dressed T-Rex, stretched borders of reality, and a partridge in a pear tree. Anything else on the list, and it would have been too much.
Dedicated to Tyrannosaurus_Tux, author of the CuddleQuest.
Cover image was made by the wonderful Ceehoff, and used without his permission. That doesn't mean I didn't ask, just that he didn't say anything! Yet.
Enjoy!
Chapters (1)
Oh my god, you actually did it.
Novo, what have you done?!
i.imgur.com/mc8mzvi.jpg
It hurt to read that. I think I have cancer now.
My god, this is hilarious. Sorry Tux, but I needed a laugh and an excuse to go to Mars. This story has given me both.
What is this!??!?!?
5622779 Yes. Yes I did.
5622797 I wrote a story. What did you do?
5622799 *maniacal laugh*
5623032 A story written at the expense of Tux, what do you think it is?
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
This is love, this is life.
WTF?
5638428 And also boots.
5638451 Seems legit, I spose.
5638452 BOOTS!
i.imgur.com/gTOJH0E.jpg
Bool Story, Cro
So... if his spirit is that of a Tyrannosaur... does that make him a dinosaur trapped in a man's body? We don't have the surgical know-how to handle this one!
Aaaand favorited.
5638802
5638735 UPvote it!
5638838 Done and done!
5638735 Nor do we need it! Well, not right now, anyway.
Gee... I wonder who that could be?
5638960 Aye.
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5639006
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Pretty sure this breaks the sites "No meta" rule. But then again it probably would have been caught as it was submitted. Fuck it. Carry on you mad bastard!
5639056 It's toeing the line, as the mods tell me, but safe nonetheless.
5639067 Ah. Still they allowed it. Could probably avoid it more if you just made Tux into a certain theropod.
5639072 I turned him into a T-Rex, what more do you want from me?!
If this story gets featured, I'm making a sequel in which TwiRaptor makes awkward cross-species dino-love to Tux, because she got horny enough.
5639092 *insert triceratops joke here*
5639173 Gah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
5639176 Gah! Curse your sudden but inevitable Firefly joke!
5639178 And Joss had worked so hard on it, too.
5639187 Yeah. A whole five minutes. Or was it ad libbed by Wash's actor?
5639191 Kind of. Joss couldn't come up with anything other than "Wash likes dinosaurs," so Alan basically ad-libbed that part. The whole part before it was somewhat scripted, by he was mostly left to have fun with it.
5639200 Ah. As it is, I have to hunt you down now and feed you feet first to a pit of starving stoats. No hard feelings mind you, but you made Celestia a xenophobe for no reason at all. Tell me does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
5639208 I did that purely for plot purposes; Tux needed to go full dino in order for the fic to be that much more funny. And no, it smells more like bleach.
5639242 Whoops! Wrong rag! That one was for cleaning up blood. Still you could have had Luna do it as a joke or until he proved himself somehow or even go the route of the conveniently transformation upon entering Equestria as opposed to demonizing Celestia yet again.
Now does this rag smell like chloroform?
5639263 But it just wouldn't have been the same! Also, no, this one smells like orange juice.
5639294 Yeah, it would have been better. Also fucking damn it! Hold still!
*fires tranq dart*
5639304 *looks at wall, dart is two metres away* You missed. Badly.
5639380 ......*throws smoke bomb and then fleeing*
I'll get you next time you gelatinous bastard!
5639421 *raises rifle* Nope. *shoots you in the back of the knee* CCAS scopes are rather handy.
5639431 Nope! *throws a frozen salmon from a prone position, lodging it in your right eye* Take that you walleyed mongrel!
5639582 *Watches from a distance as fight continues.*
P.S. What the hell started this?
5639582 *calmly takes the fish out, dislodging the eye and putting it back in* Thanks, I'll cook this later. Also, nice pun; you deserve a sticker.
5642014 Fantastic. By the way, are you wearing sunblock? It protects you from harmful rays. *signals escape chopper to drop a giant manta on your head and escapes via the cable* Next time, Cube! Next time! *flies away*
5642023 *catches the manta ray before letting it fly free* Take these, Manny! Use them to get your revenge!
A manta ray with miniguns named Manny is now chasing you. Better run, m8.
5642041 *watches as the manta ray flops to the ground through a pair of binoculars* That could have gone better.
5643209 Aw, damn. Forgot the jet-pack. Oh well. *presses a big red button that says "Nuke the Bitch!"* Enjoy!
5643295 *as the explosion goes off I throw a harpoon from the chopper into your heart* From hell's heart I spit at thee!
5643496 *picks up the little wooden box* How did you know I was truly Davey Jones?! Curse thee to a thousand deaths!
5638451
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5888240 Somebody's enjoying themselves.