• Member Since 28th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Saturday

Ryvaken


Chaos, constructively

E

Princess Twilight has little to claim as her own dominion. The day belongs to Celestia, the night belongs to Luna, and Cadence has a whole empire all her own. So what's left for Twilight?

...well, there are those few seconds between sunset and moonrise. Maybe, just maybe...

A random idea that came to me in a time of sleep deprivation and panic.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 10 )

Interesting....cool!:pinkiehappy:

I'm glad I came by here and read this. That beginning section got a couple of chuckles out of me, and I love your description of the lights. It is also very well written. I only found two very small mistakes.

Granted, the castle was sufficiently...um... (note to self, ask Rainbow to provide an appropriate adjective.)

The period should be on the outside of the parenthesis.

And:

Three quarters of the sky, perhaps move, was blanketed in grey and white.

perhaps *more.* I know that's something you've probably read over twenty times without catching.

Thanks for writing! This was great.

Absolutely amazing. You did a great job describing Twilight's sky and really making me see it. More impressive though is just how thoroughly you got us into Twilight's head in such a short time. You somehow made me feel Twilight's concerns, joy, and her triumph as my own. Once again amazing job.

All I can saw for this is it was beautiful the way you wrote it as if someone doing a dance and describing how every step was a new sensation in other words awesome

The visual metaphor is a just a _hair_ heavy handed, the "sentient light" motif.

And there is the question why Twilight sounds like she's channeling Galadriel in her explanation of what she'd be like with the One Ring :trixieshiftright:

But it was a creative image and it reminds me of the climax of Prince W&Dreamchan's song "Frailty". "Calling out to the moon/and with her I attune/Crying out to the sun/and with her, I am done/You will see, deep within/A princess strong and true" I can imagine how spectacular a sight this would be.

So once again I hope you write something longer.

5910424 Visual imagery is a weakness of mine. This is practice. Also once I got the image in my head, I had to write it out.

5911872 Oh, it was a beautiful image to express. Your basic depiction of it was vivid, concise and emotive. It was just leaning a little too hard on the "self aware light" poetic conceit. (Plus it was a bit puzzling what led Twilight to _do_ this. I would love to see a larger drabble explaining what brought that on. It's not that I think it's ooc for her. Just not something she'd _typically_ do. )

I am hoping my approval of your writing is coming across strongly, too :pinkiesmile:

5915404 I wasn't going for self-aware light so much as using it as a metaphor. The whole thing should only take a few seconds, and this was Twilight's perceptions of her own action, her own artistic expression in the sky, delayed and stretched out by the perception of what she is doing. Borrowing from Celestia, taking a moment of glory and magnifying it with her own actions into something that causes all Equestria to take a moment and recognize "oh yeah, there's a new princess." Doing so in a way that involves preparation and attention to detail so all she has to do is provide the power and trigger the events, one after the other. But I didn't like the feel of it when I wrote it as a mechanical process of light and refraction and dry dry science science MAGIC! science nerd science math.

Twilight is being pretty OOC here. Thrusting herself into the spotlight like that is more Rainbow or Rarity's style. That's a big reason I left this a stand-alone drabble -- I could never allow a scene like this in a real story with plot and motives and characterization and stuff.

I like this... it is more visceral than The Map turned out to be. Her "Barbaric Yopp" as it were, compared to a life-mission (and the Map only included her 2 out of 4 times, which she had to deal with emotionally).

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