my name is Kennel Hoof and the name belongs to both the red and green pony. gonna be a story about that at some point.
It’s not easy realising that you will live forever and your friends wont. Luckily Twilight have found a way to keep her friends with her... forever
Note: I’m writing this as one long story, but to make it easier for people i will make it into 5 chapters. So when a chapter is done the next one will start right after the ending of the previous chapter.
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Wow.
Pretty dark, but it is cool and interesting at the same time. I could see Twilight doing this, because it's true that she can't live forever. Good job. 
5687358 ty :) and i can say im exited myself to see where this will go with the others ;)
Ooooohkayyyyy.
This is... dark.
So - little nitpicking now
I spottet a few typos - doesn't mean there are not more, so you should glance over your story later. But I didn't get distractet.
- "...a couple of never chrystal bookshelf's" - "a couple of newer chrystal bookshelfs"
- "The Chrystal Empire" - "the Chrystal Empire"
A few sentences could have been worded a bit better - there are some redundancies and the same words used twice.
But this is really nitpicky.
The setup you gave is cool, but there are a few "Immortal Twilight / mortal friends"-fics. So you have to convince with style and quality.
But as far as I could read, you can do it. Its nice written and interesting.
Yep. Got me hooked.
Have my like and your story goes on my tracklist. I wan't to know where its leading.
5688352 ty for the nipick :) i will look at it and fix the spelling and such.
This is dark, very very dark.................. Me likey
5690938 and more is comming up in the next parts
5692417 Sweetness!!!!!!
5688352
And a nitpick on your nitpick, it's spelled Crystal, no 'h' anywhere in the word.
5697896
Thanks
You live and learn...
Ok... Its interesting so far.
You've wrote "rarity" in the very first line in lower case. It should be capitalized.
5721076 thank you :)
I do honestly hope she's caught in the end.
5749141 you never know ;) can say im still thinking about the ending.
5749277 If not killed then put into an insane asylum, honestly that Twilight freaks me the hell out.
5751354 thank you
and i guess we just have to wait
5751800
You are killing me with
5759966 haha im sorry m8 :P
Hmm. I hoped for some plottwist in the end.
All in all its not bad - good written, not many errors. But the end leaves me somewhat unsatisfied.
5764297 thank you. but sorry about the ending, personally i like it open, who knows maybe i write a continuation.
Well, I didn't like the style much or the mechanics, but I'm pretty sure English isn't your first language, right? In that light I'd say that was all fine.
However, the topic material just wasn't my cup of tea. Angelheart asked me to look over it, and in hindsight, I shouldn't have done so during lunch. Kind of feels like a Twilight-esque version of 'Cupcakes' to be honest, though the ending you put on it was the best part of the whole thing.
-Sage
5801825 true it isnt my first language :)
And i understand what you mean, not for everyone and i myself had the feeling of making another version of "cupcakes"
I can say the story im making ATM is gonna be in a whole different genre. :)