Intrigued by the concept of a vacation, Luna accompanies her friends to a countryside manor. Seeking a few days of merriment, the Trio gets more than they bargained for when they arrive in time for a very special festival.
A side story to Dames of the Tea Table
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Most excellent! After all that cleaning and polishing it is up. Think you can link to the original Dames series in the description?
582657
Added the Url in the description
I dont know what this is
but I like it.
So...Luna and Big Mac? Interesting.
583387
Nope, but I can see where you'd get that idea. You might want to read Gabriel's stories.
I recommend starting with http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5126/1/The-Unfavorite/The-Unfavorite
583387
Hehe. Big Macintosh has not been exiled from the family. A certain charming, debonaire grifter, however...
Superlative as always. Such a treat!
A decent imitation, close to a cloned style but a touch off. Let's see where this goes shall we?
Issues: You have a ! in place of an I early in the story. You have corse when talking about Discord, I assume you meant corpse, but I don't think that's the proper word there. Never ever use a number when it's word is sufficiently small, 3 should be three or else it looks crappy. A footnote or two might not be needed, 4, 7, and 14 are all given enough context that further explanation shouldn't be needed. (On that note, Uma has me stumped.)
585112
Fixed. And I can always use a good proofreader. You're hired.
586068
Um, sure, okay.
Anyway, still want to know what Uma is, my best guess is China.
585112
To rise in defense of Luna's speech (After all, i wrote it) "corse" is an archaic tem for "corpse."
I never realized just how long these chapters are. No wonder it takes so long to do the corrections
I love it.
588739
Well isn't that convenient, one dropped letter makes it an archaic form...
That's weird, my previous comment should not have ended up on this page. No matter.
While I am way too tired right now to make my critique, rest assured it will be coming. For now, your new characters are greatly portrayed and I look forward to reading more about this.
Two things come to mind right now. When you started describing I was thinking "Wait, is that Cheerilee?" and I am anxious to know why she's there. The other, Patron...is he the pony Godfather? I'm getting a definite vibe off him.
Marvelous chapter, and a delightful pony Tarot reading as well.
590215
More will be explained in the next chapter.
589950
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?word=corse
Research!
I generally tend to know what I'm doing 
591060
Oh of course, I just have to vocalize things. That was not a true question. Anyway, on to more critiquing.
Whenever you use Luna's alias' last name I automatically go to one of the most badass vampire bloodlines, my head's a fun place.
, then we have a great use of the single plot point of an entire overrated film, and Lime continues to be citrus dessert.
I want to hear the rest of the Starswirl joke, though I know that most likely there is no more.
More Roa!
Count of Monte Carlo.
Biscuit butter lane, more coy naughtiness.
Footnote 3 is unneeded. I was thinking 6 was extraneous, but I guess others might need it.
All of your new OCs are quite well done, keep up the good work.
591437
I was just mentioning that it was convenient.
It's hard to tell with you sometimes.
Well, well well, there's a handsome, mysterious fellow
I'd think he'd see through the disguise, especially once she started talking, it's a little too unique.
So Patron is the Pony Godfather in my book until I am proven otherwise. While we're at it, let's toss in James Bond...I mean Donut Joe in with mares and a martini. I really want to see what the event is, 'cause I'd hope it's not the day of Toola's wedding.
614933
Trust me, I have a plan.
615658
I'm sure you do, I just have to vocalize things.
Merae, adding a species we were missing. So are they supposed to be partially amphibious just not adapted for movement? Oh, and I'd be remiss to not quote "Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word."
The wedding, my exact words when I read the first line "Oh god damn it...seriously, sigh." This does fully confirm my Godfather theory and I have to say I like Gustav's line poaching. I'm annoyed with myself that I didn't see Cheerilee's part in this ahead of time, well done cloaking that.
That dream confused me at first, as I thought it could have been real, but that's Gabriel's territory, so confused. Then at the end it made me Aww in sympathy for Luna.
Poniesin, missed a space there.
631912
I try my best to pick through it, but things slip through
The Godfather touches are all Kipa. It caught me by surprise, but I loved it. You should really enjoy the coming chapter.
And yes... Luna is a very sad princess. But her stallion has a job to do. He can't settle down yet.
Errors always slip through, that's why I'm around to point them out.
To clarify on the Godfather thing, it's a smiling sigh, like a good pun.
Just splendid, as always, Gabriel.
Yea, the new ceremony looks really nice in there.
When they meet Bad at their seats there is a weird page break thing in the middle of Fleur's sentence.
scarf. ""Antonia. One too many quotation marks.
2 handled. In that situation you spell it out. Again, you spell small ones and parts of other words, you use numbers for large ones where the words would be unwieldy; for example if you had used thousand instead of millenium up there, you'd spell it out, but 1476 is way too clumsy to spell out.
Okay, the rewritten wedding is a lot more consistent and logical; I personally am still opposed to the material parts of the ceremony, but that's just me, the ceremony flows fine.
Oh, and just so it'll stay on record, HA, I knew he knew!
Ahhh, beautiful. It's coming along nicely.
Don't think windigos needs an E.
...
Did he give you the name or did you stumble into stabbing me with puns? She just had to be the actual villain didn't she? I swear you just do this to annoy me.
I did not think Bad was that old, but now that I think about it he was the oldest and has siblings with adult children, so I guess I had just never thought of it before.
674036
Yes. Late-40's to early 50's. He owes his yearling looks to clean living and fancy hoof-work. He IS the unmarried uncle everyone has somewhere.
The name was, let's be honest, fecking easy to create. It practically writes itself. Ayn is like someone typo'd Any. And Rand lends itself to a quick and cheap 'om' on the end. She has always been his bete noir, ever since he found out Dry Gulch put his hoof on the throat of a community at the behest of her poison words. And truth to tell, arresting her mendacious minions has been profitable. "Dames 2" and "Contra the Heresies 2" show he is a bounty hunter and can be forwarded bounty notices, warrants and other official notices quickly. He gives the evidence, gets back a warrant, and gets paid.
658249
I just do the edits and sweep up Luna's dialogue. Kipa handles the rest.
I'll confess, I like his wedding ceremony. I feel deeply attached to the archaic one I have in "The Night" with references to what I think could be the original names of the elements of Harmony, but as a modern and very "busy" ceremony, this one has all the necessary heart.
704222
It's just funny when you consider my 'villain masturbates to Ayn Rand' comment on the Dry Gulch chapter, I never realized they could be fucking her in pony form.
I preferred the simpler wedding, but I'm also not big on pomp.
704387
So does that mean you preferred Luna's archaic ceremony in "The Night"? Simple but heartfelt.
705927
Indeed I did. I've said so before unless my comment got eaten.
Ahhh, that's how you changed the end. Good stuff.
choice.I would. Missing a space.
them,. and I wouldst Pick your punctuation.
Interesting. I like where you went with Starsong's character, I have to agree that samurai seems to be the only descriptor that fits. Although, I have to say I've never understood the let them be together option unless she's been hiding it forever. I much prefer the Rand option myself but, eh, that does take special circumstances.
714989
I felt that after the work I did with Toola across 3 stories, that I should develop Stars a bit. And not all decisions are logical. Some make sense only to the decider. As for the Samurai part, Starsong's had the opportunity to learn a pony martial art or two.
And what do you mean by 'The Rand option'?
Spoilers.
Wheel of Time, main protagonist Rand is fated to love three women, is worried about it for a long time, the ladies end up all unwittingly meeting at some point and become friends, and agree to share.
working on the office. in
that''s not. that's
with 2 jars. Now what did I tell you about numbers?
the Love potion. Capitalize both or neither, and I'd use poison to properly reflect the incident.
Cheerilee, Do any. Do should not be capitalized.
Rite of the friendly stranger. Again, all or none.
The fragmented structure was jarring, made worse by the use of two dividers the entire story; use them everytime or never. Consistency helps coherency.
786648
Fixed
Jasper is best pony
I keed.
once you Forgot to capitalize Once.
'"Perhaps I should invite this 'Trixie' to perform atone of my parties, if only to see her particular display of showmareship." This must happen now.
Nice ceremony there, I do like how Cheerilee was getting tired of the bribe questions.
That last scene really makes it. As I said, she is both surrogate for AJ and yet loved like a real niece all on her own.
Pilot swaps genders, fix the pronouns. Starts out as he then turns to she.
That play, that improv, both were great. I don't understand who Rakkimanehoiru is, but that didn't hamper my enjoyment. Saffronsiscolt took me a second, quite a clever name. Cute end scene to cap it all off, quite a nice chapter.
996660
Thanks, Fixed the Gender problem.
'Rakkimanehoiru' is one of the names Gilbert gave in chapter 2. It meanws 'Lucky Money Horse.'
The characterization is basically like Kat Williams
996855
Just remembered, Arlee Ermane, nice job!
"I was suppose to. Needs a D.
uncles; Rosy. While that normally uses a comma, in this case it reads better without a pause.
D.M. screen. I suggest using either CM to fit the game or GM as it's a neutral term used by the community to avoid the alphabet soup.
make like of, light.
Oh, and you spelled my name wrong; I am shocked and appalled!
Nicely ended, all the loose ends left are meant to be loose for later stories. I also quite like your Luna theory, it makes a lot of sense. I look forward to whatever you use your talent for next.
Gabriel just told me you originated Catacombs and Creatures, nice.
1038055
Ok. Fixed the mistakes.
1038514
While Hasbro does have the Liscence for Dungens and Dragons, it's in rather poor taste to use that exact terminology. It'd be like if we had a game that involved robbing and slaying an ethnic group that we didn't get along with.