• Member Since 10th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 16th, 2012

Sim D


City:Vilnius Country:Lithuania Age: 17 Middle School studend.

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A young alicorn colt appears in the beautiful land of Equestria. Does not remember why he was here in the first place. He sets out on an adventure to find that out. Where will it take him and what choices will he make? Perhaps, somepony else is pulling the strings.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 27 )

This is pretty damn close to one of my own stories....also "cockatrices"= Cockatri

Oh? Tell me, what's the scenario of your story?

And sorry, my english isn't in top shape. The word "cockatrice" is a little complicated for me :twilightsheepish:

Whoa didn't see this coming, but keep it coming and BRING ON SOME MORE!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

Well, looks like I'm the first to comment, so I'll make it a good one. Your grammar and spelling need a ton of work. This is easily fixed by getting an editor. Also, the story seemed a little lacking in detail. Try to throw in more tidbits about how things looked. However, you have a good idea and lots of potential.

591676

Thank you, any advice is welcome. :twilightsmile:
It's true, though I've never had any problems with my english tests, grammar is something I've always seemed to have a problem with. You mention an editor and a 'tidbit" , what are they?

595408 No problem mate. I hate it when people just post "Looks good" because then I don't know how to make it better. So I always try for advice when I comment. Keeping tabs on your story to see it unfold.

Ok, I've liked the story so far.... But there are some SERIOUS issues that NEED to be taken care of.

Most blatent of them, is the spelling and grammar issues. You NEED to get an editor. Go searching for one, put a shout out on your story. Do SOMETHING! You have a GREAT story on your hooves, but you don't have the proper ability, no offense, to write it very well. An editor will fix these issues.

Secondly, When you do thoughts, it's generally a good idea to put them in italics and not in "these" marks. Quotation marks tend to confuse people (myself included) when they are thoughts.

However, it's still a great story, it just needs an editor. And I'm sorry I cannot do it, I'm barely able to read fanfics with all I am doing.

595408 An Editor is a person who will read through your story and correct any spelling/grammar issues. Tidbit is a word for "little things"

I agree with ChaoHarm there is definitely a lot of potential with this story and I am really enjoying it so far, but this needs someone to take a closer look at some of the grammar and spelling issues.

You have the ability to tell a good story from what is already been posted it just needs some polishing. Don't get discouraged with the criticism and keep your head up.:pinkiehappy:

Easy way to find an editor: Go here and look around.

Keep going! I'm really enjoying the story line and would like to see what happens next! :twilightsmile:

Thankyou everyone.
Advice is always welcome and I am grateful for it. It's just that, I live in Lithuania and very few of my friends know proper english. Nevertheless, I'll keep trying :raritywink:

Oooooo this is getting good really good hahahah BRING ON SOME MORE!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::eeyup:

628724

Can you explain how these "Editors" work?

And yes, i'm still a noob to this fan-fiction :P

704486

Don't be too hard on yourself; I didn't even know this option EXISTED until I read this humorously informative blog post by Wanderer D, which I recommend you read as well. After you've read it, I assume you'll look for an editor and enter such a thing in the search box. Click on the group that sounds most like what you are looking for, join the group by clicking the "Join Group" button at the top left of the screen and add your story by going to the story page, scrolling down to the button next to stats that says "Groups" and click on the folder-button-thing that sounds most like what you want to do. I don't know if that was clear or not, but I'm sure you'll get it after you poke around a bit. :twilightsmile: Good luck!

Wanderer D is best informative blogger, BTW.

Me no hate you. me loves your work. :ajsmug:

NOOOOO FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS!!!!!!!:flutterrage:

731145I'm talking about the part at the end when it was getting really good, but it had to end there.:eeyup:

732509
Oh, sorry about that, I'll try to find as much time as I can to finish part 2.:ajsmug:

742604No worries I like the story even though I hate cliffhangers it makes me more interested in the story.:eeyup:

OOOOO Luna is going to get a good stallion:eeyup::trollestia:

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