Equestrian Wars

FlappyFedora529 stories ·1 members

Equestrian Wars

When universes collide there will be a war. Equestria has to protect its self from the enemies. This is war. And war

Never

Changes......

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 8 )

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Nightmare723764

Nightmare723764 #1 · Feb 2nd, 2015 · · · Equestrian Wars: The Beginning ·

Hmm not bad! I won't say it's perfect but you know I heard that authors are never fully satisfied with their work and always strive to improve it! So I believe it will simply get better as it goes!

Oh and...

FIRST REVIEW!!!!!!!!!

Vinyl-ScratchDJ17

Vinyl-ScratchDJ17 #2 · Feb 2nd, 2015 · · · Equestrian Wars: The Beginning ·

5580256 cool and I'm doing the next chapter it will be called the battle at canterlot

SweetPeachTea

SweetPeachTea #3 · Feb 4th, 2015 · · · Equestrian Wars: The Beginning ·

It's not very good plot-wise/character-wise/pace-wise.

You introduce a multitude of species at a breakneck pace, couple an OC alicorn with one of the mane six, and rush out a few other details that left me struggling to understand what was going on at all. I'm gonna assume that you had a bunch of ideas bouncing around within your head and wanted to stuff each of them into one 1,000 word chapter. It doesn't work, and it's unlikely that this piece will gather much positive attention because of it. I'd suggest you locate a beta who can help you with both your pacing and your grammar. I'm not claiming to be any good myself, but, compared to other stories written on this site, yours is lackluster at best.

Vinyl-ScratchDJ17

Vinyl-ScratchDJ17 #4 · Feb 4th, 2015 · · · Equestrian Wars: The Beginning ·

5586777 okay I get it that's for input I might change that around just needed an idea for a first chapter but I might leave it but not really make more chapters about it or even mentioning it. So thanks for adivce.

-SkullKing

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