Um, not exactly sure how you're supposed to do these descriptions without spoiling parts of the story, tell me if I'm doing it right guys. Anyway, the Mane 6 are having the best meal of their lives (Kinda like me yesterday), and on Fluttershy's way home, Discord tries to tell her he likes her, but Fluttershy hurts his feelings, causing darkness to consume his soul.
I know, my back page says I don't like disturbing stuff, but I made this trippy disturbing, not gore-y disturbing, so I guess it's okay.
It's actually a love AND a horror story, wrapped into one, although I'm afraid to post it after the "Pown-inator" reviews I got. Anyway, I hope the freaky stuff causes people to rate it well. The name "Disturbaphobia", is a pretty good name for those parts if you have a good imagination.
You know how a description is supposed to make people want to read the story?
This does the opposite.
Well, the non sensicalness of it is supposed to combined with the evil to make it terrifying, and discord's non sensicalness can be terrifying (Like in that one episode where he gave all the balloons faces, that was really creepy)
The exclamation point for a head thing was disturbing because his flesh in his head was a strange shape, that half resembled something that represents danger.
Has for why he didn't just say their names, he wanted them to know he was in their minds well enough to put that in there.
Honestly, a part of me just thinks that the reason this doesn't seem scary is because people are used to stories where a pony goes crazy and tortures everyone to death in a saw like fashion, lol. (I've never seen saw, but I've heard it's disturbing)
5873034 Well, the reason discord's scary is the same reason the joker's scary, he combines laughter with fear. At least in this story.
Although I admit, I have been known to think stuff was scary or cool when it wasn't, a long time ago I tried to copy a picture of me making a stupid face that looked angry onto another picture of my room so that the face would be by itself and look like it's floating, then have it smeared so that it looks like it's moving (After it jumps out of a portal), then make a stop motion animation of it firing lasers at me out of it's eyes while I use this stopper shooter (Kind of line a nerf gun), has a laser pistol to shoot back at it. I thought it was a good idea, but then my parents laughed their butts off. xD
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The thing about "We're gonna insecure you!", I think would be kinda scary if it was dark, all these strange things were happening, and a supernatural being just went crazy and is dressed in hospital clothes with a needle probably about to do something horrifying to you. lol
Has for the end being too easy, sometimes things in life are easy, maybe he doesn't have to take time to think very long because his mind is supernatural.
The huge thin crowd thing means that they're all over the place, but not many of them are in those places (It's a big crowd, but it's REALLY spread out)
The thing about the childs nightmare thing is actually what I was going for, a fear a child would have being made real would go to the center of your soul, from emotions that have been building since you were very small, so childish nightmare, yes, not scary, definently not. lol
Has for the thing about probability not working like that, I'm not an atheist, but the whole theory of evolution is based off that concept, so at the very least it could be true.
Has for the name, it's supposed to mean fear of really disturbing stuff.
I've just always found certain types of nonsensicalness to be kinda weird and creepy, like when I was really little, I saw air heads commercials I think, the ones with that balloon head, and then I related this to this bathroom sign, and came up with a disturbing fantasy where the stick figures on bathroom signs were actually from another incomplete, weird dimension, and I was disturbed because other than it being just not the kind of thing you're supposed to believe, there's no way to prove that doesn't exist somewhere, and what does you just not being supposed to believe it even affect?
That sort of stuff is what this is based off of.
Quick question though, are you guys saying it's a horrible story, or that it just isn't has good has it could be? I mean, even proffesionally made movies have critics on youtube.
Anyway, so people aren't scared of it, what about the other elements to it? Like the sad parts explaining hopelessness.