Chapter 1

This fic was inspired by Tiny Hippo and Red Squirrel.

Tiny Hippo was a very small, grey hippopotamus. He was sorta aggressive, just like the rest of his kind. One day, he saw a tiny raven take his tiny train. What was the hippo supposed to do? Tiny Hippo knew exactly what he wanted to do though, and followed the tiny raven. Of course, the raven was bound to steal the train again if Tiny Hippo just took the train back, so he decided a more permanent lesson was proper. The tiny raven ended up getting its tiny bitch ass shanked. It was an example to those that didn’t know that ain’t no one fucked with Tiny Hippo. Ain’t no one.

Then again, the Tiny Hippo had always wanted some company besides his tiny train. It seemed as if shanking was not acceptable social behavior and everything soon began to shy away from him. Not that Tiny Hippo cared that much, since the tiny raven got what was coming to it. So Tiny Hippo decided to move on to new lands, where nothing knew his past. Ain’t no one.

So he opened a portal to distant lands far far away from his simplistically drawn one. It was a simple oval with orange coloration. Through the portal, Tiny Hippo could see a more colorful land with plenty of things unlike him. They were not so grey. It was all going to be his though, so as he stepped through the portal, he made sure that nothing could follow him. Nothing in his current world anyway.

The portal gave Tiny Hippo a slight change. He was no longer encumbered by the sort of flatness that he had before. It was not an entire extra dimension, but enough to give him depth, to turn around and stuff. It also gave him the ability to properly extend his limbs in all directions, so he could shank in all directions. Everypony would learn not to fuck with Tiny Hippo.

Pinkie Pie felt that there was a new something in town. Don’t ask why, because it’s Pinkie Pie, and she never makes any sense. Of course, her Pinkie Sense also told her exactly where this newcomer was. So off she went, bouncing out the door and into the streets, knowing that she had to make a welcome party for this newcomer. It was going to be so much fun. She just knew it.

As she trailed along the streets, people started to smile from the Pinkie Effect. No wait, ponies. People don’t exist in Equestria yet. On the way, she was thinking of what kind of party to throw for the newcomer. Of course, she would have to see who the newcomer was before planning completely, but a lot of things remained the same. She would have punch, cupcakes and games.

When she finally saw the newcomer, she gasped in excitement. It was an adorable grey blob. She didn’t see the horrible evil that the blob spread across the screen, dirtying it beyond repair. The blob was showing the show that no one fucks with Tiny Hippo.
When Pinkie Pie realized that Tiny Hippo was mute because he had no vocal chords, she dropped the invitation for the party and bounced away. She was going to make a bunch of grey matter to serve at the party. No one noticed as everything turned grey from the Tiny Hippo due to the interference he caused from his existence in a plane that wasn’t native for him.

This meant that Fluttershy was being a bully, and that Rarity loved her big rock. Also, Applejack still couldn’t lie, but turning grey masked that somehow. Rainbow Dash was off flying somewhere, abandoning her friends.

Pinkie Pie was somewhat immune to this though, since there were still a lot of smiles and laughter, which had additive resonance. Also, Twilight Sparkle acted as a tether of sorts which prevented Pinkie Pie from succumbing. But when Pinkie Pie realized that no pony but Twilight would show up at the party, she went into depressed mode.

Because Tiny Hippo couldn’t read that well, he thought it was a shank party instead of a Welcome to Ponyville and Thanks Party. His eyes were small dots that filtered light well and thus made sure he could only focus on two words at a time. It helped him shank extremely accurately. Since it was a shank party, he began to sharpen his sharp objects for the shanking.

Red Squirrel too, entered because he wanted to host a dinner party with his enemies in Ponyville. He planned to send red pies to the enemies that didn’t come as well, so he would be well left alone. His associates came along too, because they were also the enemy of the enemies, and that meant that they were friends. Because Pinkie Pie was depressed, her Pinkie Sense did not allow her to know about the arrival of Red Squirrel and his large amount of comrades.

When the party started, Pinkie Pie was talking to a cake. Twilight had given up hope and was sitting and grieving. The Tiny Hippo and the Red Squirrel became good friends once they saw each other. Then, the Red Squirrel closed the doors and motioned his associates who all pulled out sharp knives. Tiny Hippo brought out his sharp objects as well. They were ready.

The Red Squirrel and Co. went slice, slice, slice

Tiny Hippo went shank, shank, shank.

The once pink room turned red.
Because of Pinkie Pie’s essence, the Red Squirrel made cupcakes instead of pies. None of his enemies every bothered him again. The Red Squirrel thus lived happily ever after, co-ruling Equestria with Tiny Hippo.

What happened to Celestia and Luna and the rest?

Some got shanked, and some got sliced. Some were sent red cupcakes. Either way, the resistance quickly blanched in the face of the horrors before them.

They all learned one thing though.

Ain’t no one.

The End.

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