Twilight's seen Ditzy around before, but has never really bothered to get to know the mare any better than that, other than the occasional mail delivery. However, when Ditzy has an accident that puts both of them in the hospital, Twilight sees a side to Ditzy that she has never seen before. Not only that, but their lives are now inexplicably intertwined. How will Twilight cope with what she learns about Ditzy's past? And can Ditzy get over this sad past enough to see the Twilight as more than another pony?
I made Dinky Ditzy's sister for various reasons. Sorry if that bothers you.
Chapters (1)
Well, I've got a few questions: I understand that Ditzy hit Twilight, but in the third paragraph, you mention glass. Did she come through the window? Is that what happened?
Paragraph 5: Should probably be "Her hoof reached the door.
I'm curious to see where you plan to go with this.
Also, first.
Mmm... interesting start, shall wait to see how this develops.
Also, a good excuse to procrastinate on my work.
You have gained my curiosity, good sir or madam.
497130
Yes, she came through the window. Thanks for the correction.
497139
I love this artist. They drew what is my profile pic as well.
was in shock should be she was shocked.
497473
Well, it was me trying a new style sorta. The tinkling was a metaphor, and they end up kissing by accident lol. I also intended for there to be some confusion since they are in somewhat of a haze before they get out of the hospital.
498061
As far as I can tell, in shock is better. Thanks for the advice though.
498825
Good luck on your other stories. I'll be in the Author Support group and around if you want me to help you.
At first I had thought that this story was somewhat bland with no real narrative or foreshadowing being set up, but upon my second reading, I noticed some details that intrigue me. Why does the sound of IV drips relax Ditzy and make her think of home, but the idea of them terrifies her? What plans could have prompted the decision to change Dinky from Ditzy's daughter to her sister? I'll probably track this story for a bit and see where you plan to take it.
Still, no author can improve without criticism, so here's a few things to think about. I'm all for trying out new styles (in reference to the chaotic part at the beginning), but it felt a bit like you were sacrificing coherency in order to do so. I had no idea what was going on during that part, and I kept thinking I had missed something. If you were trying to convey the sense of chaos going on, I'd advise you to have a section before the jumbled part that's written in a more ordered style, in order to have something for the chaotic part to contrast with. If you start us off with confusion when we don't know what normal is, then our first impression is one of gibberish.
Also, the story's pacing is all over the place. Ditzy may have just been through a stressful ordeal, but when she was being comforted by Nurse Redheart, she went a bit too quickly from despair, to comforted, to resolving to make a fresh start. I would have liked it if that were more spread out over her recovery and Twilight had helped her through some of that soul-searching. Speaking of the time spent in the hospital, how long had they been there? Their injuries sounded severe, but they were released before Rainbow Dash had finished rounding up their friends to look for Twilight.
504640
Ah, pacing, my worst enemy. It comes from my avoidance of my friend's editing. I'm going to say that the beginning seems coherent enough for me, but then again, I'm planning to revisit that later. Also, magic. Ponies are durable.
Thanks for the review though.
Mmm... Arby is glad that he checked out the user page. This is a fine story although I must agree with the comment two above mine. The pacing is a little erratic. I'm not sure which is worse in terms of pacing for general artists; erratic pacing, slow pacing, or fast pacing... but this story is a nice read. I also encourage continuing it.
Mr. Masato/Arby Works.
532091
Sorry about that. I've had a lot of trouble finding a good prereader. Maybe this time I can get something worked out.
532096 Arby can preread. He can't ensure that he's able to spot every single little grammar thing, but I can check on pacing and whatnot. My stories are often slow paced which has worked out favourably with my readers (so far, of my main fic The Apple Spectrum), so I can help out there.
Mr. Masato/Arby Works.
532105
The more the better. I'll send you a link tomorrow when I have more sleep than 2 hours. I don't even want to talk about my previous prereaders.
532109 Aha, whyzza-oh, right, no talk...
*AHEM* Alrighty then. Until next time,
Mr. Masato/Arby Works.
The IV tubes were drip drip dripping, down into her veins. Nice use of an onomatopoeia.
When, Twilight came to, she saw Ditzy in front of her, sleeping peacefully. That first comma shouldn't be there.
“Twilight’s been kidnapped”
“Slow down sugarcube, tell me everythin’”
“Her window was broken and there was blood on the carpet” Is it just me, or are there supposed to be periods after these sentences?
HAHA, I love the ending.
I must say, this story is pretty good. It's got a damn good plot. But now I find myself wanting more. Damn I hate waiting for new chapters.... Write on, my friend!
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
533003
oh man, what happens when I can't find a decent editor........
uh....
533006 Eh, you can't expect an editor to spot every little mistake. Unless that editor is me... I'm a horrible grammar nazi.
Either way, your editor must be doing a darn good job if there were only those two mistakes. But now it is PERFECT!! 
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
533015
The last editor I got decided to forget English and give me a Chinese version. The editor before that.... I don't want to mention what that person did.
533193 1. HAHA!!
2. 
I don't even want to know.
534781
Yeah, self editing is a bit hard.....
Yes you don't, although if you PM me about it, I will tell you.
534782 Indeed, self editing can be hard. And now you have tempted me...
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
534814
Tempted you to do what?
534816 Oops, silly me, bad word choice. You have made me curious.
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
534822
Now you know
534829
Why did I know it was something like that?
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
534844
it's obvious really
534847 Eh... true.
Dare to be Different, Carpe Diem, and Live Life to the Fullest! /)(\
It's been almost 10 years but I have hope that maybe this'll get finished, I've seen less likely stories get picked back up.