Best background pony and one of the best mane six ponies become friends while a blizzard's going on. Takes place near Hearth's Warming.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 25th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen April 4th
PumpkinPie59
Just a writer who loves cartoons. Thorax and Pharynx enthusiast. Also, I love Embrax.
PumpkinPie59
Joined 25th Nov, 2014 ·
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This was a sweet short story. Your take on Octavia and Vinyl being sisters is fascinating, and it would definitely make a lot of sense. Ha. ^_^
However, I do have a few suggestions to make your story even better:
-Make sure the whole narrative stays in one tense (probably the past tense would work best in this case).
-Provide more explanations as to why certain events happen, such as why Pinkie Pie goes out to get Vinyl a present. Detailed descriptions relating to why characters react in particular ways, or the setting in general, can also help bring greater life to the tale.
I hope that helps!
5312785
I'll keep those in mind, thank you. Also, thank you for the complement. This is honestly the longest chapter/one-shot I have ever written. XD
There is no way this doesn't make it to the "kid-friendly" folder.
Could use better spacing between lines. Otherwise, nice story.
5313727 Awesome! You're doing some wonderful work. ^_^ I can't wait to read more of your writings.
Thanks for the watch, by the way. And Happy Thanksgiving, one day in advance.
Tell meh aboot this 100 episode
I have to say, your story is actually pretty good! The grammar is solid and I could really see the interactions between Pinkie Pie and Octavia.
However, you'll need to space out each time a character has dialogue (Unless it's the same pony who's talking). Also, there are a few things that I found to be questionable and confusing for me.
Not that I have a problem with this but, when did you get such an idea?
Even when you specifically said that the keyboard is electric, I can't se Vinyl playing one for some reason.
In the episode, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie showed no sense into thinking that Maud is boring, not even when she's describing her to her friends.
Nonetheless, I upvoted this story and at least enjoyed it.
Keep writing, my friend!
-Bubbles
5341783 I tried to fix it.
5341783 Also, I found some things on the internet about Vinyl and Octavia being sisters and I liked the idea. XD
I didn't think things completely through when I mentioned Maud.
5318394 They said they would make one at Bronycon (I wasn't there, but it was mentioned on the episode list on the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Wiki)
5375394 Oh keela, I must inform the Flotilla!!!
5375388
5375381
It's alright, everypony is still learning.