Featuring: Trixie, Cherry Jubilee, Applejack, and Twilight Sparkle.
Trixie runs from Ponyville after Twilight vanquishes the Ursa Minor, but where does she go? She doesn't have a home, her wagon is gone, her show was a disaster... She has nothing. She ends up in a new town with new ponies who know nothing about her; whom don't even know her name. But the traumatic events of Ponyville still haunt her, changing her on the inside, closing her off from the outside world. She finds herself relying only on the friendship of a doll; willfully or not. That is, until her past catches up with her. Can anyone crack her shell?
Chapters (7)
Starting reading it, one thing I really notice is that do NOT use that color to indicate when Trixie is talking or thinking, it is very hard to read.
I like the premise so far, but need some spacing inbetween paragraphs and if you want to use color to indicate who is talking do NOT use light colors. Use much darker ones. The yellow and blue is very hard to read. I would also suggest reading over it to pick out some small errors to help to flow. I like it so far,
The story is very good, the colours do annoy a bit to read it, but the story and writing is more then enough to keep my attention elsewhere and to a positive note, keep it up!
Cheers!
After I turned the page setting to "dark" everything looked quite a bit better.
Trixie being a mute is...different. I suppose the combination of her abusive past and the starvation would have an effect on her though.
Until next time I do suppose.
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Holy crap there is a dark setting. WOW never seen that there
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Yeah dude. Everything should be good now.
Makes the color text much nicer.
Ok since color issue has been fixed apparently, add some spaces for paragraphs and check for small grammar errors to help the flow
I really like the story so far, but please, please, stop abusing HTML colors. The tone and direction of the quotes should be more than enough to identify the speaker.
I apologize to everyone. I should have either put a note to use dark setting or not used the colors at all. I am going to remove the HTML colors since most people do not care for them. Thank you for the feedback.
urgh the colored text can get hard to read. Why do you use it? Its not needed...
oh never mind. thats better!
So...is she a psychological mute now? Or just refusing to speak?
either way, I'm loving this story. Trixie is best Unicorn
Sending you a note with my comment in it.
I think a good song to listen to while reading this is 'Crash' by Sum 41.
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I prefer this song, myself.
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To each their own, I guess.
I do like the story though, I am liking this version of Trixie where she is desperate to be friends with Twilight. Plus the whole doll thing adds a fascinating layer of darkness to it.
Tracking for updates.
A life-size plushie of Rarity would be the Best. Possible. Thing.
We can perhaps have more soon?
Ok, I'm hooked. Though the chapters are short to what i'm used to, the tone of the story is really good and the characters seem quite interesting. I can't wait for more updates on this story.
Updates?
ok now we know trixie's fully snapped now to see how this encopunter playes out.
o and how long till the real twilight actually shows up?
Ok now I REEEEAAALLLLY want to see what happens when she meets the real Twilight.
peeked inside crack of the unclosed door." is the only mistake I found...your very talented...and I can't wait for more Trixie
I'm more interested in Twilight's reaction at all this when she finds out. But right now I am quite happy seeing the interactions between Trixie and the rest of the household.
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Oh whoops! thank you!
And thank you all for reading this, I does mean a lot to me! I promise I'll be faster this time with chapter 7.
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Hon...trust me...I can wait...just...not too long please
This is brilliant! im liking trixie`s insanity.
This is very emotional and deep, Ah like it.
Someone had completely lost their mind.
Wow, it's sad to see Trixie in this collapsed mental state she's in. Sad, as in
^(
+
). Please make more.
595068 you forgot to factor in
+ 
over 
with pie over cubed square.
598238 Hmm... yep, you're right. I must have lost that part of the equation. I'll make the adjustments now and
[Reserve Program initiated. Calculating: Username QuickSilverPaul has died. Cause of death: On completion of equation, subject experienced fatal levels of sad. Re-calculating equation of sad. Sad levels critical. Error. Sad levels critical. Overloading. Error. Emergency upload in progress. Er-]
This is a great start to what i think will be a great story. My only complaint about this story is the sudden switch from past tense to present tense.
Miss Jubilee to the rescue!
I must say, Trixie/Twilight is not my thing but I have to admit, I'm enjoying this story immensely
.
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I don't plan to make this a romance or ship fic.
634178 Okay, wasn't sure. Either way I'm enjoying the read, keep up the good work.
Hooray! new chapter!
Let me put things this way:
damn......
she will get over this complex eventualy richg?????
this sory makes me meloncoly
i love it
Oh yeah new chapter.
I like it. Um just add a space after every paragraph, just easier to read then wall of text
So when do we get to see real Twilight? I am highly looking forward to when Trixie meets AJ and Twilight
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I just realized that none of the spacing or indents were carrying over from Microsoft Word. Thanks for pointing that out. Hope it looks better now.
658149
Perhaps try Google Docs?
I wouldn't have a clue, I've never used it, but everyone else on here seems to.
This is really emotional and well written.
"Dark" in a way, but not gory, very nice.
Cheers!
658149
Yeah I noticed that same problem too when I writing stuff and posting it on the site.
It is annoying isnt it
Oh my gosh...I love this so much. Your awesome, ya know that? I love this story....and have told at least five friends, and they love it too...I'm so happy
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Thank you ponies, and everypony else for all for the feedback. I greatly appreciate it all, bad or good. Can't thank you all enough! I'm really glad you are liking the story, considering I never actually wrote a story before.
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If I had to nit-pick, I'd say that a little more into Trixie's mind as she speaks to Twi-doll.
Poor Trixie (never thought I'd hear myself say that) Hopefully the real Twilight will show up and help her out.