• Published 1st Nov 2014
  • 2,888 Views, 134 Comments

Ⓑⓤⓣⓣⓞⓝ Ⓜⓐⓢⓗ - Obselescence

Ⓣⓗⓔ Ⓖⓐⓜⓔ: You are Button Mash. You have just woken up. It is time to play a game. Can you beat the final boss and eat all the breakfast? Score of 100 on Metacritic. Over 50 hours of gameplay!

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Ⓔⓝⓓ Ⓐⓛⓛ Ⓒⓞⓜⓜⓤⓝⓘⓒⓐⓣⓘⓞⓝ

You're not sure if it's even possible to defeat Mom, but you do close the M.O.M. interface, which could be interpreted in some capacities as ending M.O.M.

All said, that conversation could probably have gone a lot better. For one, you are extremely disappointed to learn that your breakfast has gone all cold and soggy. Soggy cereal is the absolute worst, and you do not think you could live in a world where the cereal is all gross like that.

Mom sounds kind of angry with you too, so that is a concern as well. Seemingly, you only have five minutes to get downstairs, which puts an uncomfortable time-burden on you. Never fear, though! You excel in countdown situations. Like counting down the seconds until school's over and you can play video games. You are exceptionally good at that sort of thing.

That said, you still have absolutely no idea as to what you're going to do about this giant TV blocking your door. You probably could wait until Mom comes upstairs, but by that point she'll probably be mad enough to assume her final form, and you're probably not at a high enough level to handle something like that. Five minutes is not nearly enough time to grind.

This is definitely a tough cookie to crack, but sometimes that is just how the nut crumbles.

Welp! You devoted all the think-space you have to solving the problem, and ten seconds later it's still not solved. There's only one possible response to that!

No, wait. That's probably not a good idea. Your honed game-senses tell you that doing that will probably lead to a Game Over, and you should never lose at anything. Ever.

Instead, you should probably do what all expert hardcore gamers do when faced with a crisis situation: remain calm, carry on, stop, drop, roll, stop, collaborate, listen...

And check the FAQ.

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