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So Smooth, You Can't Take it!

On the last exciting episode of whatever the fuck you're reading.

Matt, Woolie and Pat were locked in an epic battle of brawn and wits with a minuscule, squeaky, babby pony princess of evil and darkness and were sent spiraling down into their own personal Hellish forms of psychological and very physical torment. Woolsworth Mcfuckerthatnobodyfuckinglikes lost most of his precious tendrils of gross dick cheese that hung precariously down from his stupid, fat head. He screamed like a bitch as the tiny alicorn munched on that shit like Sonic the Hasn'thadagoodgameinyearshog plows through chili-dogs. Matthew Von'Muricastein nearly got the drop on the small bundle of chaos, to no avail other than losing his star-spangled nuts by a sharp hoof crashing into his junk.

Patrick Sir WishhewasascoolasLeonKennedy found a comfortable seat on the couch in the middle of the room. His blank, puny eyes stared dead ahead with no real emotion in them, not really looking at anything as his bulging, small body sat there, limp and lifeless. Little did he know that his disgusting orange hair was practically exploding forth from his old man scalp, like escape out of the USG Ishimura. Oh, wait, that's a bad comparison because apparently they were none...so with that in mind, it now makes sense, doesn't it?

WHAT'RE YOU DOING?! STOP READING AND GO PLAY VIDEOGAMES!

Celestia casually sipped at her on her juice box, held suspended by a faint golden magical grip as she sauntered out of the kitchen. She tilted her head slightly to the side as a, what she could describe as a giant rubber fist came flying across the room. Then another. Another? How many of these creepy fucking things did these bipeds have?

The princess shrugged it off and trotted over to where the short one sat. She studied him for a moment. He was a blank slate, she pitied him slightly. From what she had seen in the past hour, the big one and darkly dressed one were practically his Luna. His Lunas. She didn't know what to make of the young and boyish (Totally not charming) creature, just sort of huddled in the corner like a lost little foal. This one, however, was different and she almost felt like she could relate to the shirt, ginger thingy.

"May I sit with you?"

She didn't think he'd respond, as deep in thought as he looked but to her surprise, his gaze drifted over to her. There was little to no emotion in his eyes, like he had just given up on everything. He didn't say a word, something that made her quite nervous under his blank stare but she was put at ease when he suddenly spoke.

"Why the fuck not, right?"

Celestia nodded and fluttered her tiny wings as she kicked herself into the air, hovering on up over the couch before plopping herself down on the cushions. Wrapping her lips around the straw, she gently sucked in the fruity goodness of her drink as she watched the dumb display of bullshit unveil before her.

"This battle is over!" Luna screeched as her magic reached out and grabbed every object her horn could spread it's grip enough to grasp at.

"It ain't 'til it's over!" The large one roared in defiance, clutching onto the hilt of his sword with his meaty, sweaty man fingers, glaring at her sister as she herself lowered to the ground, baring her teeth up at him.

Luna propelled her makeshift arsenal of junk at the beast, growling all the while, almost as if frustrated that the giant before her kept cutting in half everything she threw at him with her magic. Celestia was perplexed that he was singing or rather, yelling at himself as he did so, something about rules...?

Her fur practically leaped off her sensitive skin when the midget next to her clutched his balding hair as he stared, mortified at Luna while she started throwing thin, boxes up at the mega-samurai. The mock-swordsman's eyes widened and he took to dodging out of the way of her newly found ammunition. Poorly. Luna cackled madly as each shot connected viciously with it's target, all to muster out the brief 'Ow's of pain escaping the large one's big, oddly pie-shaped mouth.

"Not Berserk volume one!" The short one began screaming. "Not Berserk volume two! Not Berserk volume three!! Not Aliens: Colonial-Ahhh, fuck it." Celestia eyed him curiously while he sunk back into his chair, looking more tired and depressed than ever. She let him sit there silently for a few more moments but was prompted to speak up when he met her gaze.

"I am...sorry about my sister." She offered a nervous smile.

Patrick just waved her off grumpily, sliding his eyes over to where the one with the skull on his head lay. He shimmied his body along the floor, holding tightly onto something he stretched out to the filly alicorn. Pat lifted his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, much to the ivory princess's confusion.

"Take Arkham Origins...please!" Was all he managed to say before his stupid, bearded face connected sharply with the floor. These were some strange creatures.

"Is...is it always like this here?" She asked.

Pat sighed. "Nope. Today's extra, extra, extra dumb."

"I see."

Hands?...Hands, what are you doing? No, stop it. Stop it, no. Don't.

"I'm sure we'll figure everything out once they kill eachother." He added. Looking on as Woolie and the blue one started literally dueling it out, his friend with the HF blade replica and the pony with some kitchen knife she found, waving it around in that weird magic shit. Sick combos, high times and million stabs were NOT happening.

His brow ascended when his ears caught a sound that confused him greatly. A sweet, light giggling emanating from the little white pony by his side. "Should be a while, at this rate."

He let a grin come to his creepy, nerd face at that. "You're losing your way, Woolie!" He yelled across the room.

"Fuck off, Pat!"

The ginger slid back into his aura of comfort, chuckling all the while, watching his old buddy ninja sword fight a baby horse. An alien baby horse. God, this just got dumber and dumber the more he broke it down. Eh, still isn't as retarded as under-water Chinese ghost bases.

Celestia glanced back and forth between the Zaibatsu. "Your friends are very..."

"Stupid?" He offered. "Dumb idiot, ugly, nerd assholes? Yes, I know."

"...I was going to say 'peculiar'." She rolled her eyes. "Also, that's an oxymoron."

"Wha...?"

"Well...have you ever heard of a smart idiot?"

"Well, you know-Ah..." He stopped, his gaze slowly drifting down. She could almost see the gears turning in his brain. It clicked when he let out a low groan and folded his arms over his chest.

Hands, please stop. Why don't go to a porn site for a little bit? What'dya say, huh? C'mon, just don't...don't...DON'T!

Pat slouched his head over his shoulder, playing the Shadow of the Colossus theme in his head as he watched the little blue pony grit her teeth and drop her knife altogether before lunging for his tall, black friend. He staggered back as she pounced onto his chest, grabbing onto the hem of his shirt and bashing her forehead against his dread-coated skull. He reacted quickly and latched his fat hands around her small body and ripped her from his body. Pat expected him to throw her, maybe out the window or across the room, maybe he'd headbutt her back and punch but nope. Woolie just kinda held her away from him and just...shook her.

That sounds dumb, right? Just reading that. Imagine how it was to be there, looking overhead as all-seeing watcher, as all authors are. He just stood there, brought his face close to hers and yelled. Like, alot.

"ORRRRRRGGHHGGGHHGG!!!"

It was loud and guttural as he shook her violently in his gross man hands. She couldn't even retort, her lips were bouncing off themselves, making her vocal chords let out weird wobbly blurred noises. Imagine taking your best friend by the shoulders and shaking them because they're a fucking idiot and bought a smart car and you have to put some sense into them. Now, take that noise they make and put it under the video file of a GIF of Woolie shaking a small, blue alicorn, yelling nonsense at it's face the whole time inside his wrecked apartment.

Fucking dumb.

"NO, LUCA!! NO!!"

Oh and it gets dumber.

"ALL SONS OF ALL GODS....!!!"

"PffttWahahahahahahahahaha!!"

Everything stopped at the sound at that mad cackling radiating from nowhere. No one spoke. Matt's lazy ass face shot up in time to join in as every pair of eyes darted in every direction.

"...Die?"

"Oh Ho Ho HO!" It started up again. "I swear! I would have NEVER gotten a show as good as that with Arin and Danny!"

Patrick's gaze fixed onto the pony sitting by his side as her body stiffened. Her eyes shot open, her pupils dilated to pinpoints, her back straightened and every hair that decorated her frame stood right up on end.

"Certainly not from Mr. Where's the Blacksmith." That's when things started happening. All the ruined miscellaneous junk that littered the room swirled upward in a beginnings of a tornado. Celestia's hoof, for the second time that day, crashed into her muzzle with the force of a freight train. Luna, still held tightly by the giant, just groaned and rolled her eyes, murmuring something to herself. Before the Zaibatsu's eyes, a small ball of light formed in the centre of the room and began to expand, flooding the room in a blinding light. Blinding whiteness enveloped the room in a blast of energy like the stupid special effects in the new Star Trek movie. It was gone just as quickly as it came.

When Pat removed his arm his eyes, he noticed Celestia looking exactly like he did. Her gaze cold and expressionless, like she had just given up on everything. He really didn't like what that said to him. "Who even is Tobuscus anymore?"

Slowly, ever so slowly, Pat turned his head to meet the source of the new voice. Where had he heard it before? There stood a creature in the apartment. It's mismatched yellow, sharp, crooked, white, straight and long teeth glinted in the light as it's lips curled into a wicked grin. Patrick didn't know what to make of it, it was just a jumbled up mix of animals merged into one and looking all cartoony and shit. It's head swiveled around, it's yellow eyes taking in all it had to see, specifically, the members of the Zaibatsu. It stopped when it's gaze lowered to him, Why did it have to be so tall?

Suddenly, it was gone.

Pat felt a soft but firm weight press down on him. "And Radbrad? Pfft. King of Playthroughs, my eye." The voice spoke directly into his ear. His head turned and he let a yelp as he stared deep into the creature face barely an inch away from his own, he noticed it's lion paw draped over his opposite shoulder.

"But you..." He hissed, slithering away from him and over to Matt, who gawked up at the creature from his still balls-are-in-pain spot on the floor. "Oh, you. You were perfect."

"What are you doing here, Discord?" Celestia spat.

The weird snake thingy spontaneously donned a cloak and hunched away from her. "Well..." He said, in that creepy British Igor voice. "I just came by to say..."

The freshly dubbed 'Discord' spun around on his cloven heel, flipping the hood off his head and spreading his arms wide for his beautiful audience. "That IT WAS ME, AUSTIN!"

"Aww, sonuofabitch." Luna muttered.

"What?!" Woolie screeched.

"It was me, Austin!" In the background, the applause of an invisible crowd went wild as fireworks went off spiraling into explosions in the apartment behind him. "It was me all along!" He screamed to the Heavens.

"But..." Patrick somehow found the will to speak. "Why!? Who are you?!"

Discord leaned forward with a cheeky smirk. "Aww, what's wrong, Pat? Don't you recognize you're good friend, Jimmy?"

Luna landed with a yelp and a dull thud on the ground as Woolie's whole body trembled. "Y-you're..."

"That's right!" Discord yelled. "I was Jimmy Amazon the whole time!! HaHA!"

He laughed. It was annoying how much he laughed. He was annoying. She was annoyed. Then she was angry. How annoying he was fueled her anger and he only go more annoying. See the pattern here?

Without a word, Celestia frowned deeply and hopped off the couch. Pat silently watched her trot up to Discord's leg, spin around on her heel, reel back and buck in his knee. He yelped briefly and toppled over, his spine crumpling enough for Celestia to jump up and tug down his face by his goatee with a firm hoof. For a moment, she just glared into his mismatched eyes but that didn't last long before she brought her other hoof back and smacked his face to the side, never letting go of his beard.

Patrick learned right there and then that ponies had fucking huge nuts. The hugest.

"Change us back." She said flatly. "And take us home."

When he only stared dumbly back at her, she rewarded him with a another sharp slap.

"OW! Okay, okay!" He said as she let go of him. Standing up to his full height again, rubbing his cheek, he gave a slight glare down to the princess as he snapped his talons.

Two white flashes shone brightly throughout the room. Once they cleared, the two small fillies were thoroughly replaced by two huge goddesses alicorns of might ~~that almost took up the whole apartment.~~ that were SO not big or overweight at all-OW! TIA, STOP!

Anyway, small horses became big horses. Get me?

Woolie watched as Luna stood up to her full height and dusted herself off, her horn just barely coming up to his chin. She looked up and he stared into those beautiful pools of turquoise for what felt like an eternity. Luna smiled and stepped up to him, placing a covered hoof on his shoulder and nodded resolutely and out through her soft and regal voice, she spoke to him.

"GG."

His jaw dropped. His brain only had one response to that."...Let's play Mahvel."

She turned and crowded around the draconequus along with her older sister. The blue princess looked up at him, seeing him offer a nervous smile...one that was thoroughly knocked right off his face by a strong Falcon Hoofpunch.

Patrick never felt so small in his life. At her full height, Celestia easily stood a head above his gross balding hair. She stood there, next the thingy and the blue pony that nearly killed Woolie. She turned to him and smiled sweetly, not saying a word. Discord raised his paw up and pushed his claws together. Out of everything that happened that day, this would be the most prominent in their memories.

All at once, the three shouted.

"SEE YA, FUCKERS!"

There was a snap. The next thing they knew, they were gone. That was it, it looked like. What did they expect? A meaningful goodbye? Pfft. Yeah, right.

Woolie stumbled slowly over to where they all once stood. "...Mahvel...?"

Pat sighed. "It's a really...really versatile phrase."

Matt rolled onto his back and coughed. "If you've got..."

Woolie crumbled to the floor on his knees. "...A thing to send..."

"The super best friends..." Liam added.

"...Fucking don't."

"HA! Heh haa." Matt groaned out a laugh. "America."

Kirby Theme.

Author's Note:

You cannot believe the odyssey I went in naming this chapter
There were just so many good one and NONE of them were good enough!
Too...too tired to proofread this.

Now, tell me, who wants DLC for this?

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