Is it from Jimmy?

by Kickback

Zandatsu Here

It had been a long and very, very ironically hard journey but the hour had come. After weeks and weeks of furiously opening presents from early in the morning to the darkest hours of the night, they were finally done with this shit. The dim yellow lighting of the cluttered room was anything but oppressive in the bleakest moment of the evening, glazing the adorning posters on the walls with a certain flare that just went ahead and melted everyone else's room to sludge. Four enemies friends sat around the room, an abundance of cool, nerdy shit splayed out across the floor and furniture, surrounding them in a haze of pure, unadulterated, orgasmic fan-love. All together, all with tired eyes and weak smiles, all with cheeks aching from the raw laughter that was shared, truly, this is what it meant to be loved to such a degree where it becomes the best/worst problem of all.

Happy with that? 'Cause it really didn't look like that. Seriously, it's just four dudes sitting around in a room filled with people's junk...honestly, you shouldn't believe everything you read.

To the side was a package. Nothing special, it was just a straight-up cardboard box with nothing really standing out accept the mailing details printed on the top. The largest one, the one that ravaged the Earth during his spree of pie stealing, reached over to it, using his unnaturally massive gorilla hands to hoist the box up and onto the small coffee table that stood in the centre of the room and acted as a stand to display the random shit that they got. "This one's got some heft to it..."

As the package hit the table with a dull thud, the smallest one, the one with the bountiful muzzle of lava and tinder shouted his tiny, baby lungs out, deafening the senses of his nerdy companions. "Finally!" His stupid, old man voice boomed through the walls. "We're done! Fuckin' Awesome!" The balding crack-head then took notice of the box in all it's cardboard glory. "Holy goddamn Hell..."

"Wow...that's a really big Bargh." Said the most American one, his voice was heard but his lame Punisher hat was nowhere to be seen as he was the one holding the camera. It's a good thing too, there's a fair chance that the device would just explode from seeing him in all his awesomeness.

"This is from..." The Pie Stealer started, checking around the box for any identification. It would've been alot easier to see...well, anything if his stupid shitlocks weren't blocking his vision.

"Jimmy Amazon?" The youngest asked, the camera would've panned to him and away from the Bionic Commando Gorilla but no one cares about Liam-Senpai, so moving on.

"Uhhh..." Hulk/Spencer drawled. "It looks like Jimmy Amaz-No, Wait!" He quickly cut himself, finally learning how to read. "It's from..W-w-Wow."

"W-w-w-Rw-w?" Asked Hitomi J-Cup's biggest fan.

"Let me see this." The fire-bearded one leaned over the package, just barely managing his stubby baby body to. He peered down at the box and made out only a few letters with his squinty geriatric eyes. "Whoa...No fuckin' shit, it's from...Drocsid? Drocsid-

"What?!" Shouted Matt and Liam in synch.

"-I shit you not. That's actually what it fuckin' says."

"That's awsome!" The fat American bad-ass zoomed the camera in on the name and what would you know? His angry partner in crime was not bullshitting. "From where?"

Woolie gave another look at the tag and shrugged. "It doesn't say."

"Open it!" Baby Ashley's Daddy squeaked.

"Alright, let's make this one count." As the blaring, stupid raps of Viper blasted through the television screen, a song burned in the four friends' hearts. Woolie, the liar, brandished a blade from his side. For a moment, it appeared as if his dreads had turned a snow white and his body was composed almost entirely of new-age cybernetic technology. As the shining steel came into the light, the Zaibatsu could've sworn that they saw lightning coursing through it. They all stared at him, in silent awe and trembling fear, they knew it was time. They knew it was time to let it rip...and I don't mean shit your bridges. Pain inhibitors were thoroughly crushed and deactivated, there was no need for them any more. What am I saying?

I'm saying Jack the Zaibatsu is back.

Woolie raised the blade high and with a final, blindingly quick thrust...

"RULES OF NATURE!!"

...He gently cut through the seems on the cardboard box with little precision and much caution with his tiny baby knife, as to not hurt anyone, of course.

Through their chorus of intense revengeance, no one heard the barely audible "Don't lose your way" coming out of Liam's stupid kawaii mouth and you want to know why? 'Cause Woolie wearing Senketsu or a bloody kamui in general is fucking weird and I don't want to write that shit!...Moving on...

"Let's see what we got."

"C'mon~, Bella Donna."

"Oh, my God." Pat stretched his tiny hands out and tapped the box. "This would be like five bitch fists."

Matt laughed that dopey giggle of his. "No, no! It's just one huge bitch fist!"

Liam shot up from his spot on the couch. "Two giant rubber fists fused together and now it's a super saiyan rubber fist."

Woolie kept a straight face as he cut along the edges of the box. "FU-"

"-SION-"

"-HA!"

"Oh, you guys, stop, please..."

"Never!"

"We're going to die."

"Shut up, baby."

"Dragon Ball is going to kill us."

"How can it kill us if it's already dead?"

"Ohhh, Matt!"

"What, I'm just sayin'."

"You're gonna get so much hate in the comments 'cause o' that."

"Whatever."

Woolie the liar let out a grunt of intense effort as he used his giant Hulk fingers to pry open the cardboard doors that concealed what rested inside from peering eyes. When the rough material was defeated by the fury that is the letter knife of the Zaibatsu, the dishonest fucker set it aside and unfolded the box. "What d'we got?"

"What d'we got here...?" Breathed Patrick Short-Pants.

The Bob Marley wannabe said nothing as he stared down at what was possibly the most non-mistakeable thing in history. The inside of the walls were layered in white, fluffy, very snuggly pillows hurriedly taped to the surface of the box. This confused the liar at first but when he saw what was laying at the bottom, he groaned mentally but very, very audibly. Whatever was resting there was covered by a single blanket. Woolie related it more to a washcloth that he used to clean his scraggly man face after a particlular messy pie-devouring session of awesomeness. Under it, he could make out only two peculiar hues of cerulean and pink, much to his chargrin, he could make out the point of a two white and blue horns sticking out from it.

Woolsworth didn't say a word and only smiled that shit-eating, 'Why not?' smirk that he is known to do in times of great disaster as he looked up to his friends. Patrick Von Dickbutt took this as an invitation to lean over and inspect the contents for himself. He too only scrunched his face up and fell back in his seat. The force of the initial impact of his scraggly bearded mug smacking dead into his tiny pale hands was possibly the most impressive thing the umpa-lumpa had ever accomplished in his unnecessarily long life. He began chuckling that weirdly high, happy laugh that he is known to do. It's true.

"What? What is it?" Matt McMuscles asked.

It was now the man in the Satsuki shirt to take part in the grand scheme of this unravelling. When he sat Pat, he only grinned widely at stubby friend. "Well, this one's for Pat."

"Goddamnit. I really don't wanna see what they are."

"Appreciate the fans, monkey!"

"Ohh but..." Pat didn't follow up and only fell into a heap of manic giggling.

"C'mon, man." Woolie reached inside as Matt stood up and peered over the box. He only scoffed at how obvious it was. The liar pulled back the blanket with his massive hulk fingers. What they discovered was not what they had expected and a small part of each of their brains melted in their skulls at the sight of the contents of the box.

Not for the reasons you're thinking.

Honestly, both were just mad that realistically, a great percentage of their fans were bronies. Sure, 2snacks was an excellent animator but none of them, specifically were into the fandom and yet, ponies just kept coming in the mailbag. Well, at least this was the last one.

"Here ya go, Pat." Woolie reached towards the still body of what's her face? Princess Celestia? Well, that's what the gorilla thought. Her mane wasn't that crazy, girly rainbow that he recalled from memory but instead, it was static, bright pink and was much shorter. Her eyes were closed, something he found odd but didn't question it and she seemed weirdly proportioned. He figured this was, like, the kid version of her maybe? Fuck it, time to give Pat his pony.

As the infamous pie stealer brushed his sausages along the texture of her face, two things caught him offguard at first. One: She was soft, like, weirdly, really soft. The second was that she was warm, again, weirdly warm and in contrast yet still not at all normal, the lying bastard could feel a bazaar cool breeze against his palm. His eyes slowly widened as he realised what this potentially meant and just when all unreal bullshit was unveiling in front of him, the tiny pony in the box nudged at his hand with his snout, curiously nuzzling at whatever was touching her. Once his hand was away from her, her body went limp and to rest once again.

It moved.

She moved.

It was alive.

She was alive.

And Matt hadn't been recording it.

Woolie (Because this was not time to take the piss) slowly recoiled and slouch back in his seat. His dark eyes stared expressionless dead ahead, not really seeing anything. He didn't look back at the box, he didn't look to his friends, he just sat there and stared at the floor without uttering a single sound. He could practically feel the heat of the gears turning in his brain, slowly trying to comprehend what was happening in his filthy pie-stealing life (Because it's not fun to write unless I do).

Patrick The Invisiblessed gave his companion a curious glance. Just what was it inside? He didn't think anything could surprise them now, not after giant fucking swords and living insects but evidently, whatever was in the package this week was enough to stun Woolsworth into silence. The walking tampon was glad to not have to hear the fat fuck across the room spout shit from his mouth but still, it unnerved him greatly to see him in that state. Instead of waiting for someone to act, Pat took the initiative and stood up, his stubby babby legs only just stabilizing his lumbering body of blubber upright. He leaned over and peered his squinty eyes into the box. Whatever the angriest of the Zaibatsu expected, it certainly wasn't this.

At first, Pat just rolled his eyes as his mouth creased into a thin line across his beard. Resting at the bottom of the weirdly cushioned-up box were two ponies. He felt really ashamed in himself that he knew who they were and what they're names were and the fact that he noticed particular things quite different to what he had seen of them. A little Luna and Celestia. As this registered, Pat instantly regretted ever making that god-awful joke at the end of Matt and his Amnesia video. He did it for a laugh but no way did he ever prepare himself for the onslaught of bronies that were evidently fans of the channel and call him out on it. Hell, the amount of pony shit in the mailbag so far was baffling. Never before had Pat wanted to actually be in contact with 2snacks...just so he can suffocate him with the two plushies in the box.

David Cage’s biggest fan opened his mouth to voice whatever vile-filled sentence he had to say but was stopped by a brief flicker of movement. This wouldn’t have had any real effect on him unless it was from anywhere else but no, in the corner of his eye, he caught the slightest fidget made by the tiny blue pony, cuddled up in herself as she lay adjacent to the white one.

Twitch.

It was the tiniest little thing in the world and it was enough to make the man’s brain feel like it had just been grabbed by Godzilla and thrown into the sun. Pat just stared as the little cerulean horse’s muzzle scrunch up, her mouth formed into a tight frown and for a moment, he could make out slight rummaging behind her closed eyelids. It was dreaming.

She was dreaming.

Pat slouched back in his chair, he didn't even notice the other two of his friends follow suit. He didn't even see them look into the box with him but a quick sideways glance of his gaze assured him that they had seen what he had and were, ironically, having the same reaction as him and Woolie. He turned to Matthew, he wasn't even holding the camera up anymore, Pat wasn't sure if he focused it in on what was in the package at all but now all that was being recorded was an empty space in the carpet.

No one spoke. What was there to say? How does one just deal with something like this? To have the impossible literally sent to them and what? Are they just so supposed to deal with this? To instantly know what to do and-WHY AND HOW THE HELL IS THIS HAPPENING?

Befittingly, that was the conversation that they were having right now.

"What the fuck, dude?"

"H-how...?"

Pat looked to Matt. Matt looked to Woolie. Woolie looked Pat. Nobody looked at Liam...would you?

"I need a drink."

Patrick didn't say another word. He just left that hanging in the air as he stood up and walked out of the room. No one protested. In fact, simultaneously, each man followed suit after their itty bitty babby companion.

If this was a script, it would read; "Cut to kitchen scene where the Zaibatsu sit around Woolie's living room, already buzzed by the level of alcohol they had consumed in the past twenty minutes" but it's not a script, so it has to be written like a novel...but surprisingly, that gets the point across. Maybe I should write screenplay instead...Anyway.

"What're we gonna do?" Said the narrator, reading off Woolworth the giant pie-muncher's lines.

"I say we find some Brony and make this his problem!"

"Or her."

"Let's be real, now."

"No, there are actually girl Bronies...they have a nickname though."

"Whatever."

"But guys, here's the thing. Someone sent us that package. Somebody in the world posted us...that."

"Is that what we're just going to call it?"

"What?"

"'That' 'cause let's be fair...from what we all know, those are two magical horse girls in there."

"Your point?"

"They're sapient, also."

"We don't know that! That could just be stupid actual horses!"

"...Maybe 2snacks will take 'em."

"Maybe 2snacks fuckin' sent 'em!"

"Whatever!" Matt, after remaining quiet the entire time, spoke up. "Who cares who sent it?! It's here now and we gotta decided what to do with...them."

Pat resisted the urge to smack him right on the back of his lame punisher hat. "I swear to God, if you just woke them up with th-"

"HUSH! YOUR PRINCESS IS TRYING TO SLEEP!!"

Comments

[Kickback]

5376533 Ahhh, you thought it was Jimmy Amazon but it was ME, DIO!!

[Fluttershade5200]

If only they knew.

[Manual Control]

I swear, the description of everyone at first made me think that Matt wrote this... And I still stand by that assumption.

[Boom Boom]

5381375 Kore Dio da!

[BloodDrinker12]

5502756
An unknown fact: Matt is actually behind all of the fandoms content including art, its really astonishing, no one really knows how he does it all but i suspect time travel