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Anxiety
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Dash exhaled slowly into the chest of Alex, seeing the sun start to rise behind the mountains out their window. Her night had passed slowly, as she found herself unable to sleep, trapped in her mind, terrified about her inevitable self-confrontation.
She found comfort in her lovers embrace, knowing that no matter the hardship, he would be there for her… But at the same time, that undying support made her immeasurably guilty. She almost felt like being in this position with him was betraying him.
She wished for nothing but escape from this terrible place. She had finally rescued him from his imprisonment at the hooves of the changelings, only to be thrown into another ridiculous adventure.
She wished it would all just stop.
They fought Discord, they saved the world. Their dues were paid. Life should have been easy, and they should have been given everything on a golden platter for the rest of their lives.
But no. Now they all had to fight off these demons inside of them, so they could unlock some stupid powers, that would allow them to fight an entity that scared Discord.
Now, more than any other time in her life, she was anxious. Cripplingly so.
She found her stomach would twist into horrible shapes, until she was able to find Alex, or she threw up.
She wasn’t supposed to be this scared. She was supposed to be the tough one!
…
Letting out a ragged breath, she pushed her tear stained cheek in to Alex’s upper chest. She wished he would take her away from all of this. Take her back to his world, where they could live a painfully normal life, where he would get a job, and she would stay home and take care of the kids.
She wanted that more than anything right now.
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Alex shifted in his sleep, and found his arms wrapped around Dash, as they usually were after a night’s sleep. Opening his eyes, he looked down to her closed eyes, and assumed that she was still unconscious, having no idea the troubles she had been having.
Shifting his gaze toward the mirror behind her, he was able to see out the window behind him, and realized that it must have been very late in the day for the sun to be so high.
Uncomfortably twisting his head all the way around to look at the clock on the wall, he sighed when he read that it was half past nine. That meant he had slept in, and he needed to get to work with his commanding officer.
“Colors,” Alex whispered, pushing her back softly and looking down to her face, just to see that she was already awake, “Oh, when did you wake up?”
“Just a minute ago,” She lied, not making eye contact with him, “I guess we should get up.”
He nodded, before kissing her on the forehead once.
“We have a town to patrol.” Alex smiled, sliding his arm out from under her and standing himself up, “At least we can look forward to a nice and boring day, right?”
“Yeah,” She mumbled, sitting up and sighing yet again, “Let’s get the day over with, so we can get on to the weekend.”
Alex wasn’t sure what the cause of her attitude was, but left it to morning grumpiness. He knew he had days where he wanted to cry for a short amount of time after being awoken.
“Hopefully we don’t have any crazy situations on our hooves, right?” Alex asked, looking to her, and frowning at her lack of energy.
“Sure,” She nodded, getting herself up and walking past him, “I’m gonna take a shower.”
Watching her exit the room, Alex was almost insulted that she didn’t ask him to join her. But, if she was in a mood, maybe it would be best just to leave her be. He could shower and groom himself at the barracks.
“I’ll head out now!” Alex called down the hall, as he opened the bedroom window, “See you there!”
She didn’t respond.
Shaking his head, he took off into the sky. Hopefully she would be doing better when she got to work.
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Alex sighed happily as he stepped out of the shower room, still running a towel through his mane. Luckily, he had missed the other guys in there, giving him complete privacy in the rather spacy room. He was able to turn all ten shower heads on at once in the small circular room, and take a quick jog to get his blood pumping. It was a genius plan he had come up with himself, but knew he couldn’t let anypony find out about it, lest they laugh at him till he cried.
Walking up the stairs from the change room, Alex headed to the office, hoping to see a happier Dash at her desk, waiting for him to go out on a patrol together.
Poking his head in to the room, he frowned at her absence. She must have been taking her time this morning.
“Ready to go out?” A voice said from directly behind him.
Almost jumping out of his skin, Alex turned around to see Dash, with the same black expression across her face.
“Geez, you scared the crap out of me!” Alex exhaled, wishing she would crack a smile or something, “You need to gain some weight so you could announce your presence a little easier.”
Dash didn’t respond to him. She almost looked like she hadn’t even heard him.
“You’re not even going to tell me to shut up?” Alex asked, mystified at her simply horrible attitude, “I just told you to get fatter.”
“I guess not.” She shrugged, walking past him and checking a clipboard on her desk, “Why don’t we split up today?”
Alex gave her an incredulous look, shocked that she was suggesting they spend the day apart, after only a few days ago, she told him he wasn’t allowed to leave her sight.
“What the hell is your problem?” Alex asked suddenly, finally eliciting a look on her face, in the form of surprise, “You’ve been nothing but horrible all morning!”
Dash shook her head. She had been way too obvious with him right now.
“It’s nothing.” She shook her head, trying to put herself into normal mode for him, “I’m just tired.”
“Bull.” He shook his head, “I know when something’s up with you. And this is worse than anything I’ve ever seen!”
Dash knew he was backing her in to a corner. She could only dodge his inquiries for so long, before he pried the truth out of her. So, what was there to do? She had been letting on far too much to him about how horrified she was right now, so, she needed get him to stop asking, so she could try harder at acting normal.
And, after only a second of thought, she decided that she didn’t need to lie to him. She could simply omit the worst parts of what she was feeling, and get him off her back.
“I… I’m scared about this dark-side thing that I’m going to have to deal with,” She finally said, allowing some of her bottled emotions to boil over the top, in the form of tears, “I don’t know what I’m going to have to face.”
Alex felt bad pushing for the kind of things that would make her start to cry, but also felt a lot better knowing that she was comfortable showing this side of herself to him.
“Dash, you don’t need to be scared about something like this,” Alex smiled to her, walking around her desk to meet her face-to-face, “You’re going to learn some lame things about yourself, and then you’re going to become one powerful pony.”
She didn’t answer him, as she felt her gaze attracted to his, showing him just how beaten up she was right now.
“And what are the worst things you could see anyway?” Alex asked innocently, having no idea that this was her real problem, “I’ll be here, even if you secretly hate me.”
Losing control of her legs, she collapsed into a trembling, sobbing mess.
Alex had no idea.
She wished she could have just hated him. It would have been so much easier. But in the deepest, darkest depths… She still loved him.
Which made betraying him so much worse.
Oh boy. It looks like Dash is next in line of who meets there inner self. Great job with the mental guilt. That is really carrying this story home. I can't wait for the next chapter good luck.
I have a feeling that Dash will go last, seeing as how you're building all of the anxiety that she feels. It makes the most sense, seeing as how scared she is, and it would build up as we got more and more very, very vague hints about how she really feels about everybody! Very good story, LOVE IT!!!
The anticipation is figuratively killing me
The anticipation is figuratively literally killing me.
I'm a little nervous on how Dash is going to betray him...
4472334 Yeah. So am I. Hope they don't split (if they do) for too long.
Given Dashs behaviour, normally I would expect this stress to actually Be the dark side of herself she has to deal with. She is failing at dealing with the feeling of failing, so she is succeeding at being a failiure, the one thing she never wished to be and broke so much magic laws to make the Sonic Rainboom when it occured before.
Think of it as Catch 22 Depression. Its the one that when the doc catches it, and gives antidepressants, you feel good enough to finally get round to suicide.
Have to say, I wonder how this would turn out if Dash was able to completely force that inevitability out of her mind before it actually happens, just going about her day being willfully oblivious to the sudden train wreck ahead. Makes me wonder if that'd be better or worse than her current state.
Right in the feels
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I'm assuming this was from when she already betrayed him; when she slept with that other stallion while Alex was 'missing'. I know she told Alpha turned Alex, but I don't remember if she told Alex himself.
Guilt is a hell of an emotion.
4477407 She did tell Alex, in fact, he knew the whole time. I have empathy for Dash over it, but being in Alex's shoes before, getting cheated on is one of the worst feelings in the world, how he even overcame it so quickly is beyond me. (yet again they did spend a while apart and it's "True love" so I guess that's why, but still, Alex's position sucks a lot.)
I don't think her whole "betrayal" from a while back cam really be seen as wrong, anyway. They were together, and then Alex turned to stone for years, I don't even know how you expect someone to stay with you when you're pretty much in a coma for years, she did right to try and move on, even if she felt guilty afterwards. He shouldn't have expected her to just not do anything for years.
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Well remember that he had that whole thing with Queen Chrysalis, abide under her control, but he counted it as "even" or something like that since he did it more then the one time. I'm not saying they both get a free pass, only that both of them fucked up and had their shit fucked up so they decided not to really go much deeper since they still had to deal with the whole "darker side of yourself" in order to get the elements back (remember, though she doesn't know, Rainbow Dash had her shit fucked up by Nightmare Moon's influence).
4483554 Oh yeah, I forgot about that nightmare moon part... Still sucks though, for both parties.
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While there's no Spike and Alex stuff, one scene was made for Dash and him. It was back when i wrote The Fall of the Night, and has helped with the development of Dash and Alex.
Just consider a vanilla intimate scene between the two, and that's essentially the canon.
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Everyone here is a little bit right.
But the essential source of her guilt will be, well, very very painful for her, and! Hopefully the reader.
And while i hate myself a little bit for choosing the path that will be taken, the end of it all will (hopefully) be a great character shaping moment for her, and will leave any readers with a bit of a pit in their stomach. Because, well, i have one right now just thinking about it.
Love the conversation, by the way.
4484260 That...is not very reassuring. Great, now I'm getting a pit in my stomach. Is Alex's and Dash's relationship going to even survive?
No...NO! I SWEAR BY THE NINE IF YOU TERMINATE THIER RELATIONSHIP I WILL RAIN FIRE UPON ALL OF YOUR PITIFUL LIVES AND SUCK YOU INTO A BLCK HOLE OF ETERNAL TORMENT!
4486028 In so many words I agree!
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I don't even wanna know where TKOH is going with this, but I sure as hell don't want the ship to return to port (BAM!). I will remain on standby and push the button to rain fire, sir. Give me the word.
4511730 Well, when I read chapter 105, I think that the pony she wants to hate is that guy she slept with while Alex was trapped in stone for two or so years.
4566162 HEY! NO! Shut up about later chapters back here. SOME of us haven't read that far yet. Just no.... Those don't exist yet........ NOOOOOOO.
but, she won't be betraying him in the future? She betrayed her friends instead! Hmmm...