The Adventures of Capt. Ambrose Mittens, Explorer of the Skies and Seas - Part XIX: The Equestrian Experiment

by Mr Anomalous

IV: WELL I THINK YOU'RE WRONG

Lyra awakes to find herself half-buried in snow and freezing cold. For several long moments, she is unaware where she is. But then it all comes back in an avalanche of diasappointment and emotion. Stifling tears, she staggers to her hooves and mopes away, melting into the early rays of the sun.

Twilight Sparkle was prepared for the worst. Legions of hideous, tentacled and fanged beings; massive apes in suits of technologically superior power suits; an entire race hitherto undiscovered undead-like creatures ready to devour Equestria, anything. But no, instead all of her science-slaving and all of her desperate effort is rewarded with a few crass, pompous, talking felines who sound as if they were from Trottingham.

"Well hello there!" says the biggest, fluffiest one with a top hat, a dark overcoat, and a set of odd goggles, "We are here to-wait, Fuzzyboots, can it even understand us?"

Another, shorter-haired of the cats with a lab coat and an even odder set of mechanicals goggless sits on his haunches and says: "Well, almost certainly not. This is our first contact, and the chance that they, over the millennia, have developed a language even remotely similar to our--much less the exact same--is unimaginably small. . . ."

"I know what you're saying," Twilight says promptly and grumpily.

All the cats freeze, and the one with a leather flact-cap says: "We'll I'll be," quietly to himself.

"Wait, you there, purple pony," the top-hatted one says, "Did you just say-''."

"Yes!" Twilight cries, "And I am a Princess; do not talk to me like that!"

"Ah, royalty," says the fat one, "Well then, my apologies," he says as he bows.

The lab-coated on--Fuzzyboots it was--bursts out and says: "Wait, we can communicate? How is this possible?"

"I don't know," responds Twilight, "But we can. Now what do you want, cats?"

"Blunt and to the point, eh?" says the big one, "Well then; we are here to see what's here, and perhaps to set up some sort of trade or communication."

"Is . . . that it?" Twilight asks, unsure.

"Yes. We were sent here by a science experiment."

"Well . . . I suppose I'll have to talk to the Princess, then. Princess Celestia, that is," Twilight says reservedly.

"Is she the head-honcho, so to speak? Where is she? Why isn't she here?"

"I am," comes a feminine and dignified voice.

There's a ripple in the air, directly behind the cats, and Princess Celestia, dress in full battle armor, appears, accompanied by two guards, their spears brandished.

Fuzzyboots and the other cat twirl around in surprise, but the fat one turns around calmly. He sizes Celestia up and then says, "Well then, at least you know how to defend your country. Empress Puss would most likely have had many more troops, but I digress."

"Well, cat, if you truly do come in peace, then let us all speak. I shall summon my sister, Princess Luna, and perhaps some positive relations can be established."

Oh. Yes.

Again, Jasper is being presented with an attractive orifice, right there, ready for him. But what's this? It's . . . different, much more so than the one of the attractive young dam of last night. It's darker, more round. . . .

"Shit."

"What?" comes the voice of Captain Ambrose Mittens, "What are you waiting for? Plunge in, my young fellow; I don't have all day."

Jasper wakes up more violently then anyone in the history of the multiverse ever has or ever will and immediately beings heaving all of the ingredients of last night's feast onto the floor.

"Dear Puss, Jasper," says the Captain, "Can't hold down this wine? Delecious, yes, but hardly strong . . . ."

The Captain is sitting on a lounge couch with two female ponies sensually eyeing him, his goggle replaced with a more formal monacle, and Dr. Fuzzyboots is off in the corner of the large room, talking passionately with the purple pont they had all met earlier, the little filly that is her apprentice hopping up and down excitedly and interjecting the occasional question.

Jasper lets loose something like a scream and turns around staggering from the feasting hall. He breathes heavily, panting and sweating.

"It must be the wine," he concludes, "It must be. . . ."

Jasper trails off and just stares over the edge of the balcony, looking at the city stretched before him.

The whole world below him is brand new and beautiful. An entire new host of knowledge and materials, allies and relations . . . to think about it was staggering. But it was also quite amazing.

Jasper furrows his brow. He heard something. . . .

The young sire looks over his shoulder and inspects the walls and the bushes. Nothing, it would seem.

Jasped shakes his head and returns to the feasting hall, eager to unload his paranoid and strangely gay thoughts into the air with a few more cups of wine.

Back outisde, however, there is someone. Jasper did in fact hear something, and it is Lyra Heartstrings, frothing at the mouth, her eyes bloodshot.

"Cats. . . " she says, "paws. . . ."

Author's Note:

And there you have it: the end. This was quite a fun little story, and hey! I actually finished it! Anyway, be sure to comment and critique below and I'll see you in my next story!

Comments

[JaDan]

paws....!