The Adventures of Capt. Ambrose Mittens, Explorer of the Skies and Seas - Part XIX: The Equestrian Experiment

by Mr Anomalous

III: ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT THIS IS SCIENCE?

Wind can be painful. Especially when it contains sharp bits of ice and air cold enough to kill. Lyra has just recently learned this, but thankfully she has many layers of cozy clothing and that wonderful thing that comes with having a horn on your head: magic.

Even so, it is cold.

No matter. The day may be cold, icy, misty, freezing and windy--at least on the very peak of Canterlot Mountain--but it shall be a glorious day, the day that marks the first alien visitors to the planet Equis!

Lyra doesn't know what type of aliens, but she has a hunch that they will be the returning remnant of those infamous creatures of old, those walking, hairless apes that are human beings. And that hunch is letting loose all sorts of excitment.

Lyra hides amid the snow alone, binoculars at the ready, tensly waiting for the arrival, congratulating herself on sneaking a read at the letter before it had been sent; working at the Palace hads its perks. And now she will get them all to herself: the humans! Well, if they are indeed humans. Which they probably are!

A spike is hammered through Lyra's thoughts, shattering them, when a low hum perforates the ground around her. It is almost unhearable, but it is most certainly there, and it is steadily growing in volume. Nothing to see, not yet, but the droning marks the first sign, and Lyra witholds a squee. Then she remembers that she's alone and lets it loose.

Before her excitment can reach its peak, however, the droning suddenly halts. But then, almost immediately, amidst Lyra's confusion, there is a single, heavy pulse in the ground and in the air. Lyra is thrown back into a snow drift, her head ringing. She feels blood leaking from her ears. She is, for all intents and purposes, very stunned, until, of course, she remembers: aliens!

Her entire body flowing with preternatural, almost pyschotic enthusiasm and positive prospect, she forces herself to stand on wobbly legs, smiling manically despire her ringing and bleeding ears.

As her hearing returns, she hears a new sound: humming. Not the old, earthy drone she first heard, but a mechanical one. She hears voices and she almost wets herself with excitement. She scrambles back over the snow, not caring that some of it is getting inside her coat, and throws herself over the drift, smiling all the way. And then, when she sees the truth, she faints out of pure disappointment.

Gently now, gently. . . .

A single drop of liquid, suspended over a beaker, hanging there. It needs to fall, fall and join it's liquid molecule bretheren, but only one drop. Any more would contaminate the entire operation, and of course, that simply won't d-.

"Princess" comes a sudden shout, the smashing of her door against the wall--that seems to be happening a lot--a close companion to the cry.

Twilight jolts, but thankfully is able to divert the spilling contents of the test tube elsewhere, namely, the wooden surface of the table. It will do no harm there, so Twilight turns to see her visitor and her vision is greeted by a panting guard, Princess Celestia close behind.

"Thank you, Silver," Celestia says to the guard, "You are dismissed."

Celestia entires the darkened chamber and apologizes for the spilled chemicals.

"Oh, no, it's all right," Twilight says, wiping it up with a cloth, "It would be a problem if all of it had spilled inside the beaker. . . ."

"Well it's good that didn't happen, then," Celestia responds, "What is it that I interrupted?"

"A new spell-enhancer. Simple, but potent. But why are you so calm? Commander Silver seemed rather . . . distressed."

"Well, it probably has something to do with the aliens. . . ."

"Aliens?" Twilight says, tensing up.

"The ones who just tore the space-time continuum to get here."

"What?? What happened to 'danger level high.'? Why are you so nonchalant?"

"Because it's my job. Now, I apologize for delaying your experiment, but I suggest you hurry it up; we don't know if they're hostile yet, but it's not a bad idea to be prepared," Celestia says as she extis the room, leaving a confused and slightly irritated Twilight Sparkle behind.

"Well, this is cold," Captains Mittens says.

"Oh really?" Dr. Fuzzyboots responds, "I must admit, I was laboring rather deeply and heavily under the now-clearly stupid delusion that we had landing somewhere in the tropics!"

"That's what I'm here for," Ambrose says, Fuzzyboots's sarcasm flying so far over his head that it all eventually landed in Draconis, several hundred miles to the South, infecting Emporer Talon with an incurable case of cynicsm and condenscensation for the rest of the old dragon's life.

Jasper takes a step out behind them and immediately began cursing.

"Come now," says Ambrose, "Stow that langauge and let us sally forth."

"Hold on!" Fuzzyboots says, "How do we know that this isn't just some endless tundra, with no inhabitants whatsoever? I think you were pushing your luck when you blundered outside without even letting me test the air!"

"We don't know, that's why we're going. Tally ho!"

Dr. Fuzzyboots and Jasper were, naturally, forced to go after the Captain, for fear of missing him hurt himself. Unfortunately, that never happened, because the Captain was quick enough to stop himself before he took unwilling and impromptu flying lessons just a few yards away.

"Halt!" Fuzzyboots cried.

"Wait, already?" Jasper says.

"Yes! Look, there, and be careful now!"

"Woah. . . ." Jasper murmers.

"Dear me. . . ." Fuzzyboots says.

Only Captain Ambrose Mittens was able to remains silent, instead staring at the vista before them with mischevious glee.

They were obviously on top of a mountain, but a very, very tall one, and the horizon was very far away. Several settlements were visible among the green, the tan, the brown, but the most obvious was the one right below them: the stretching mass of Canterlot City.

"Well now," says the Captain, "Someone is trying too hard to be like Empress Puss, eh?"