A brand new day!
Twilight Sparkle blinked slowly as the sunlight from the new day shown through her window, lighting up her room and making her aware that it was time to begin the day's tasks.
She pushed her covers away, rolled over the side of her bed and made it, then pulled her curtains, which had partially covered her window all the way to the left and right sides so as to let the light in better. She lifted the half full cup of water on her nightstand using her magic and drank the remaining water, then trotted into the restroom. When she finished her business there she slowly made her way downstairs to make breakfast for herself and- no, just for herself. Twilight paused mid-step and blinked again, this time in confusion.
Huh, that's odd. I could have sworn that someone else lived here...someone important. Twilight shrugged.
After breakfast she reorganized her library, dusted off her writing table, then packed her saddlebags and levitated them onto herself and turned her head around and opened her mouth to call _____ and tell him-
Him? Him who? I'm the only one that lives here...aren't I? Who was I about to call? Twilight frowned, getting the strong feeling that there was something very important she was forgetting. She thought and pondered and looked around her library in the hopes that something she saw would jog her memory, even going so far as to return to her bedroom and bathroom. The only thing she found that was unusual considering she lived in the Ponyville library alone was a small bed made in a woven straw basket on the other side of her own bed. As far as she knew, she didn't have a pet, and shrugging again concluded that it belonged to Fluttershy and that she'd left it in Twilight's home by mistake some time in the past.
That now out of the way and the feeling of forgetfulness fading, Twilight opened her door and stepped outside, taking in a breath of fresh air and smiling as a pair of familiar mares trotted by, one of them one of her old classmates from Canterlot.
"Good morning, Twilight!" called the mint-green mare.
"Good morning, ____!" Twilight replied. Turning her head slightly, she also greeted ___ ___, a mare with a cream colored coat and three wrapped candies on her butt for a cutie mark, then paused and blinked in confusion again. That was their names right? She mentally shook her head and rolled her eyes. Of course that was their names! She'd lived in Ponyville for nearly five months now and had taken care to write down the names of everypony that she met and then later added a picture next to the names to make sure she wouldn't actually forget. _____ had told her she was being silly but what did he know? Ponies in Canterlot normally took it as an insult if you forgot their names even if you'd only met them once, so it was better to be safe than sorry!
Nudging the familiar feeling of forgetfulness again, Twilight asked how the two were doing, and after a few minutes of friendly chit-chat the three parted ways. Checking her list of things to do Twilight noted a few oddly blank lines in between some of the things on her checklist but ignored them in favor of a blue sticky note that had somehow found its way over what would have read 'buy dish soap'. Separating it from her list and raising an eyebrow, she read the only three words written in all capitals: "SOMETHING IS WRONG." Twilight's face became puzzled and she checked the other side of the note. Blank. Flipping the note back over and rereading it several times followed by scanning it with magic for some sort of enchantment she frowned and stuffed the perfectly ordinary sticky note into one of her saddlebags.
"I'll say 'something is wrong' alright! I left myself a note on my checklist without leaving any details as to what I'm reminding myself of! Did I write it in my sleep or something? And now I'm talking to myself. I'll bet that's going over well with everypony!" Twilight looked around stopped, looking some more and regaining her puzzled expression. A few birds flew overhead and chirped, but other than that and the sound of the wind blowing there were no other sounds. No pony was out and about walking except for her. Well, me, ____, and ___ ___, of course. Did the Flu start going around again and nopony told me? Feeling slightly uneasy at the eerie near-silence Twilight again examined her list. Go buy three new quills and one bottle of ink. Nodding, Twilight started in the direction of Quills and Sofas.
She was interrupted once more however by a flicker of movement in the sky ahead and above her. Expecting it to be Rainbow Dash Twilight hit the dirt and covered her head. Instead of a crash followed by pain (hers or Rainbow's) instead four hoofs lightly touched down in front of her head. Looking up from the ground Twilight saw the smiling face of the local mail mare, Derpy.
"Hiya, Twilight! It's lucky I ran into you, cuz I got a manilla envelope for ya!" Derpy began digging in her mailbag, frowning a little as whatever she was digging for kept slipping away. Finally, annoyed, she stuck her whole head in the bag and pulled the envelope out in her teeth. "Hair ya guh!" Derpy dropped it down on top of Twilight's snout. "Oops! Sorry, Twilight!" Rolling her eyes a bit Twilight looked down at the envelope and tore a strip along the top off her with magic. Reaching inside she pulled out a folded-over scrap of paper. Turning it over and over Twilight unfolded it to discover a single sentence written all in capital letters: "THE TOWN ISN'T FINISHED!" The town isn't finished? Twilight smiled wryly, thinking of a history lesson that she'd been taught as a filly that described Canterlot in its early days being little bigger than the small town she was in now. Is a town ever really finished?
Placing the scrap of paper into her saddlebag with the first she looked up to ask Derpy who had given it to her, but found that Derpy had already left. Twilight's eyes fell onto some envelopes that had apparently fallen out of Derpy's bag while searching for Twilight's mail. Lifting the letters, Twilight smiled fondly and resolved that when her own list was finished she'd drop them off at the post office. Derpy may not have been the best mail mare that Ponyville had ever had, but she tried, and Twilight hadn't wanted the gray mare to lose her job over a few forgotten letters.
"Okay, number one, check! Number two, check! Number thre- four, check!" Twilight paused and frowned at her list. Why had she written things on one, two, and four, but not three? Had she been drinking last week when she'd prepared it? Not that she knew of, especially since Twilight didn't drink liquor. "Number five, check! Now for number si- nine?" Okay, something was wrong. Twilight could see herself skipping one or maybe (but not likely) two lines on her list if her mind was elsewhere and she was in a hurry, but three in a row? Not a chance.
Concluding that she must be getting sick, Twilight decided to go to the town's local ______ and- wait, where was she going? It has something to do with medicine...the dentist, maybe? But wasn't I just thinking that I might be getting sick? Why would I go to a dentist if I'm getting sick?
In the end the closest thing to a ______ that she could come up with was Fluttershy's house, so Twilight followed the town's main road through town to its outskirts but once again stopped when a loose page of newspaper blown in the wind slapped her in the face. Sighing and making a mental note to bring up the town's cleanliness fines being too poorly enforced she removed it and gave it a quick glance. Her eyes widened as she found another sticky note, this one jsut as crumpled as the newspaper. Pulling it from the paper and dropping the trash into a nearby waste bin she read the faded and crumpled words, again, written in all capitals: "LOOK AROUND YOU! REALLY LOOK!" Twilight arched an eyebrow but did as the note said. To her left was the waste bin and a house that seemed to have a half-completed paint job. The half the house that was painted was- wait a second...
Twilight turned her head to the right, ignoring what was right in front of her for the moment. To the right was the same as to the left. Part of the house was painted, and the same half as the other house was not. Next, Twilight looked straight down and took a step backward. The road was the same way. It was painted- no, not painted. It's colored! along the same amount of area as the houses, then became a bland gray color. Looking behind herself the town was it's normal vibrant and colorful self, albeit still creepily silent. Twilight swallowed and turned her gaze back ahead of her and froze at what she saw.
Ahead of her was, for lack of a better comparison, a nearly-blank canvas. Off in the distance she could see Fluttershy's house, and farther still she saw the edge of the Everfree Forest, but between where she stood at this moment and her friend's house there was an almost complete void of white. There was no grass, no field, no sky, no water. There was nothing at all save for a black and white road that ran on from where Twilight stood to Fluttershy's house. Confusion and mild panic flowed through her. But being a scholar first, Twilight wanted to know if this phenomena was only occurring on this side of town, or if it ran all the way around like a model town inside a snow globe. Setting her pace to a trot, Twilight spent a little over an hour making her way around the rough perimeter of Ponyville, and then to make sure she was not mistaken did it a second time. There was no doubt about it: whatever this void was, it was affecting their whole town, and something needed to be done about it!
Quickly galloping home, Twilight set her saddlebags on the floor and turned her head toward the steps to her room and called: "_____, come down here! I need you to write a letter to-" Twilight paused, a chill running down her spine as the familiar feeling of forgetfulness flowed through her, now accompanied by a feeling of desperation and mild fear. "Who are you?!" Twilight yelled at the otherwise empty house. "I keep trying to call for you, but I don't know who you are! I look over my shoulder, expecting you to be here with me, but no one lives in this house but me!" Twilight gasped for breath, her breathing heavy. No one answered her. Feeling an itch around her eyes, Twilight raised a hoof and rubbed. Moving her hoof away, she found it to be a little wet. "Tears? Why am I crying? Who's missing? How do I know someone is missing? How do I know it's a some one and not a pony?"
Her mind spinning Twilight gathered the writing utensils and cleared her throat and dictated, though it was her who wrote the letter and not- whoever she expected to be here. "Dear Princess ________,"
Twilight flinched as she realized she did not know who she was writing her letter to. She knew it was a member of royalty, and that this pony was very important to her, but she didn't know who, how, or why. Again! Twilight dropped both her quill and her piece of parchment and curled up into a furry purple ball on the floor, fear making itself comfortable in her mind and body. Twilight shivered. "Why can't I remember? Is there anything to remember? I walked around outside for hours and only saw four ponies today, including myself! Where are all the townsfolk? Today was a ______ day but I saw no foals on their way to ______, or Miss Cheerilee!" Twilight stood up, her mind close to freezing up entirely, and walked across the room, upstairs to hers, and looked down at the empty basket by her bed. Still empty, and still no reason beyond Fluttershy leaving it here that she think of for it to be here. Twilight shook her head and climbed back into bed even though the sun wasn't even close to being set yet.
On her pillow she saw one last sticky note, but this one was different. Her emotions for the moment overrun by curiosity, Twilight lifted it and looked at the sentence written on it: "THIS IS ALL JUST A BAD DREAM. WHEN YOU WAKE UP EVERYTHING WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL." Above the sentence was a small drawing of a smiley-face. Twilight read it again and slowly a feeling of peace washed over her as she forgot the reason for her worries. Smiling like the drawing but with a few of the hairs of her mane out of place, Twilight filled her cup halfway like she usually did in her bathroom and set it on her nightstand. Laying herself back down on her sheets and pillow and pulled her blanket up to her chin. Seeing the curtains were still open, she closed them mostly and then turned her body away from it to face the wall. Closing her eyes, Twilight drifted off, a thought briefly occurring to her as she dozed off that those notes' writing all closely resembled her own writing style.
...
...
...
Twilight Sparkle blinked slowly as the sunlight from the new day shown through her window, lighting up her room and making her aware that it was time to begin the day's tasks.
She pushed her covers away, rolled over the side of her bed and made it, then pulled her curtains, which had partially covered her window all the way to the left and right sides so as to let the light in better. She lifted the half full cup of water on her nightstand using her magic and drank the remaining water, then trotted into the restroom.
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If you liked it, please say why. If you did not like it, please say why, I can take the heat, and I can only improve if given useful criticism.
The feels, they hurt
I liked this. It does a good job at creating a feeling of unease. That said, a couple of problems. The notes don't make a ton of sense to me. Twilight appears completely oblivious to what's around her and doesn't end the day by making the notes, so her as their source (which is implied) doesn't fit to me. If the world is unfinished because it's creator stopped paying attention, how is anything still happening? Also for a second I thought the blanks were people and places that hadn't been named officially in canon which would have been clever but then I remembered Spike was a blank as we'll. But that's minor as I can't fault you for writing something different from a random thought I had while reading.
5160144
Think of the world that Twilight is walking through as an outline rather than an actual story. The author has a basic of idea of what he or she wants to write, but has left out a few names, doesn't add important details like the fact that Ponyville should be a bustling and busy town. Most Slice of Life fics don't advance passed the borders of Ponyville (that involves the mains six) so other than Fluttershy's house, which Twilight would otherwise have gone to had the story been more fleshed out, there's Nothing anywhere else.
As to how things are still happening, they are and they aren't at the same time. Every time the would-be author turns on his or her computer, it refreshes the data for his or her use at the click of a button.
As to how Twilight wrote the notes and yet doesn't know it, I'm adding that tidbit to my Author's Note at the end. I didn't add it in the main story because I thought it might turn my story dark instead of sad.
This story was really creativ. Since a story about an unfinished fic. Which can turn into entire universes. And what happens when the story stops. And then it gives me, a person which the fic isn't even started yet. A new perspective. What about the universe you created, what happens in it when you don't add anything in a while?? Or just abandoned it?? It just gave path into a whole new road to think. And also made an well made atmosphere for the stories whole plot. Like Stanlys parable, twilight discovered the fault in her reality. And then got affected by it. And then couldn't take it anymore. Which lead to the last note. And is something everybody can get an opinion of. Like immortality's curse. Everyone can ha e its personal experience and opinion... Am I rambling??
5160555
not at all. There were a few things I chose to cut out, like her visiting a few friends houses to either find them still asleep and unable to wake them because the writer hadn't thought to have them wake up and go about their day, or have there be patches in the road that were white that she could walk over like the rest of the road purely because she was expecting to be able to until she realized it was a hole, in which place it would no longer hold her, but it was getting late and i was sleepy, and decided to skip that.
Since you asked:
As a writer who's left behind way too many unfinished worlds, I really like the idea here, but its execution confused me a bit. The deserted town and the blank void between what would have been the major scenes made sense given the premise, but I didn't understand the missing names.
The protagonist not knowing who ______ was would work better if this was a story with all original characters that the negligent author didn't flesh out, but as a work of fan-fiction, both the in-story author and you, the real author, know who Twilight's non-pony live-in assistant is, which member of royalty she writes letters to, etc. I can't imagine what the in-story author did to leave these details out, or why they weren't just assumed. Why should everything not explicitly stated in the unfinished outline be gone from the world and mostly gone from Twilight's memory?
I was expecting things more along the lines of meeting an indistinct or ambiguous character because the author hadn't decided who would appear in that scene, or having Spike's duties mysteriously getting done whenever Twilight wasn't looking even though she can't find him anywhere to represent skipped-over details.
The idea you mention of having the unused characters being present but inert and unresponsive seems a lot better to me for describing a fan-fiction setting. The author already knows what's in the world, but never got around to using them to tell the story.
Upvoted anyway; good food for thought.
5161947
thank you. I shall keep that in mind should I choose to rewrite it.
I subscribe to both multiverse theory and the theory that imagination and creative thought can create new universes, so this story hit me hard and got me thinking.
Question for the readers of this amazing story. What happens when a universe created by a story is suddenly abandoned? Does it simply cease to exist? Or does the plot-based protection the writer had given the characters fade, rendering the main characters on the same level as everyone else? Or would they simply continue along the storyline, finish it as the writer would have done if they had continued writing it, then proceed to make their own future?
Eh, doesn't really explore the idea very much. Not really a good topic for a one shot. It wasn't clear that the notes came from a previous cycle. And sweet Celestia please stop demanding that people put actual effort into helping you when all you did was make something they didn't enjoy. Why do authors do this, why?
5164914
because we wish to improve. I've never tried writing in this particular area before and if it doesn't meet approval I want to know why. Having someone simply write "This sucks, YOU suck!" isn't helpful, and actually does hurt my feelings. If someone doesn't like what I write, fine, but I'd like to know if it's because of a mistake I made somewhere, or if it something as simple as "Not my cup of tea."
5164923
Of course it's not helpful, but you can't expect people to just give you their time and effort when all you did was hurt them, even accidentally. I wish to improve too and people giving me all their money really helps with that. Being stuck in a dead end life with no future hurts my feelings, so therefore if I made you upset just now, you should give me all your money. You see what I'm getting at?
Besides you're lucky if someone gets so emotionally worked up by your work to say "This sucks YOU suck." Why would it upset you?
I'd kill for that kind of attention...And people question why we panic or get worried when a fanfic goes on hiatus, or why we mourn when a fanfic gets canceled.....
5165795
I guess I just got used to getting criticized while growing up. That almost no one is doing it now feels unusual. *shrugs* I kinda see what you're saying.
5166696
No hard feelings I didn't mean it personally. It only really bothers me since lots of authors seem to do that sort of thing. What I'd do is something like "If you liked it, please reply. If you did not like it, I still would appreciate your feedback." Calling their criticism useless before they even give it, and talking down at them as if they can't understand simple things like writers can't improve without criticism, that's something I wouldn't do. At most I might say "Don't be afraid to tell me why you hate it," or "I can take negative criticism like a boss," or something, but never actually request for them to do that. I really beat around the bush about stuff like that, because saying it directly makes it ambiguous whether you're offering a suggestion, making a request or demanding. English is pretty maddening that way.
At least, if I ever got a story approved that is...
Well, this was interesting. The idea is pretty original, and I think you've captured the uneasy atmosphere well. On the downside, I don't think the "_____" thing really works -- if a story needs an A/N that long, something's usually off. So mixed feelings from me, but the concept catches my attention enough that I'm upvoting it anyhow.