Thunderlane is called into his job as a lightning discharge technician for an upcoming storm in Manehattan. Just follow protocol and everything will go according to plan. Everything is a routine.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 27th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2018
The Lunar Samurai
If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.
The Lunar Samurai
Joined 27th Oct, 2012 ·
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- The Lunar Samurai · 1.6k words · 8 2 · 617 views
- The Lunar Samurai · 1.8k words · 17 4 · 718 views
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Hm
Well
I really do think that this could have been something great
But overall it felt far too short to be make me feel anything, especially for the level of emotional detachment you wrote this story with.
It was technically good, but it was really a miss for me because of the lack of care put into the main character. This could have worked really, REALLY well as a 6k story that developed a routine for Thunderlane a bit more, made us feel for him, and then hit us with the ending. Show us the routine in action first, don't just tell us it existed.
Regidar has a point, it was a bit too short.
But, I still enjoyed it, good work Author.
5142583
I agree, but the point of publishing this is less about the story itself and rather my own presence on this site. While i did put some time into this, i was under the constraint of keeping it under 1000 words, that quota as well as other distractions at the time of writing. I also didn't really desire to have this chapter sitting in my google drive for no reason.
All in all, its meh. There isnt much plot, there isnt much emotional tension, and the writing style does not fit very well for this genre. However, I got feedback, criticism, and I let my followers know I am not completely dead.
Also, thanks Regidar, I appreciate the criticism.
5142708
And thank you Blessed one, I appreciate the kind words.
5142583
i may end up rewriting it, who knows. ;)
5143965 I'd certainly read it when it happens.