• Member Since 14th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen March 26th

2D


Tender is the night for a broken heart, who will dry your eyes when it falls apart?

T

The last time, he promised. Thunderlane keeps telling himself "one more time, just one more time" as he walks out that door. But this time he means it, he's going for his last visit. The last trek into the endless winter.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 52 )
TGM

I cri everytiem

in all seriousness though, excellent story mate. of course I told you the exact same thing the other day, but I feel like I can't say it enough. truly excellent.

I'll miss you bby pls don't leave </3

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4368591

Thanks a lot, TGM. I'm glad you enjoyed the story for all it was worth, and I'm glad it's a fitting end.

I'm currently not posessing the capabilities to read pretty mufh anything on this site due to final exams, so for now for now all I could do is put it on my read later list and give it and upvote.

Why did I give it a rating without reading it? Because even without doing so I have high respects for a writer who leaves this site in a friendly way with a fitting last story, rather than a random "Fuck you guys I'm gone" rage quit blog post. While it is always sad to see someone go away, in the end they are just moving on with their lives, and sometimes may even look back on the nice times they had.

I do not want to ask why you want to leave and it's not even my business to know. All I want to say, for leaving this place with so much style and thia story you have my respect. Farewell, dude!

Nice job mate.

I have no idea what just happened.
I'm okay with this.

Holy fuck.

That was brilliant.

... I'm actually crying. :fluttercry:

What a great way to say goodbye.... best of luck to you.

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4384688

Managing to get Bad_Seed_72 to cry?

Having my work called brilliant?

Yeah I'd say that's a good way to leave, too. :twilightsmile:

That was particularly dark view of Equestria. So many things so far out of left field, yet all coherent and "meaningful." Thanks for sharing, and best of luck!

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4393913

It was kind of like... one big metaphor for my life, and how I see things. So there was bound to be a lot of deep, dark and depressing things in there. However I'm really glad you enjoyed it. :twilightsmile:

Haunting, chillingly beautiful—some of the best work on this site. The atmosphere you've set up... ye gads. It's amazing. I love this story, it's been one of the first to capture me in ages.

Mother fucker
i couldn't handle
i wasnt ready
damn you
this is honestly one of the best things have ever read
you glorious bastard
so long, and thanks for all the fics :rainbowdetermined2:

















:fluttershbad:

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4397680
4397725

You'll be chuffed to know I went through Hospice before I finally finished this, just to refresh my mind on the atmosphere I'd need. Glad you think it's one of the better fics, man.

Hah... none of us were ready for that endless winter.

4399107 by the way, I expect you to read those chapters once I write them, even if it's in google doc. :raritywink:

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4402450

'Course man!

By the way, I hope to see Shiver in "The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best The Best" by the time God reveals himself to the plebeian race.

4403346 b-but then i'd have to drop something else
nah mang, go czech it

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4404904

oh bby <3

Made me get all introspective.

I hate that mood.

Dammit.

Definitely an original story, and different from the usual run of post-apocalyptic/dystopian/whatever fics that you see everywhere. For whatever reason, this story didn't quite manage to get under my skin, though. I could glimpse what it maybe could have done, but in the end it just left me feeling a bit indifferent. Props for a nice portrayal of Rumble, though.

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4772162

Perhaps a feeling of indifference means it did get under your skin, or at least the way I intended it to. I wrote this story with a projected outcome of a hollowness, so while people being saddened by it is nice, a true feeling of nothingness was what I hoped for. It was also my first journey into this style of writing, so it's of no surprise it wasn't as good as I'd hoped for.

Thank you, also. I feel that character interaction is my strong point; so I'm glad Rumble was portrayed well.

4774070 That's fair comment. I wonder whether it might be one of those stories that will grow on me. I'll keep it in mind and maybe give it another read down the line, to see if that is what happens.

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4774076

Well, no matter the outcome later on, be sure to comment your thoughts again. Feedback is always welcome.

4774664 Certainly! It probably won't be any time soon (my Read Later list contains 97 stories at time of writing), but I'll certainly come back and give my thoughts if I do re-read.

That last line.:raritydespair:
I really enjoyed the sense of despair and grief that permeated the entirety of this story, like that which the character himself surrounds himself with as a result of the tragedy that befell him. It's quite tangible.
How wonderfully dark.:yay:

Falling through a shade so dark and dear,
you no longer wander,
no longer care.
The light no longer searches for this soul departed!
Oh woe,
the nightmare would never end;
so wonderfully foolish and beloved,
yet another cold night.

Excellent work, dear Author!:pinkiehappy:
What wonderous despair.

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4942113

I believed that, when writing this story, I should attempt to convey the emotion I feel on a daily basis. That crushing, defeating weight that bears down upon me, the ice in my soul, the mask on my face.

Glad you enjoyed it!

4942518
Having an outlet for despair is nice. Believe me when I say the feeling isn't unfamiliar to me:yay:
I'm happy to read it. Less prosaic fiction is a pleasant thing sometimes.:twilightsmile:

I want to edit this story. Can I edit this story?

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4957512

If there are issues with the story, then by all means; my other story has very robust editing, but I wrote this prior to my advanced English literature course.

EDIT: Well I just went through and fixed up what I spotted, but I'd still enjoy a second pair of eyes tearing my work apart.

... This makes my mind weep. The voices are calling... Bad memories. However... I somehow feel somber yet.
Soothing, yet pained. I... I am not sure what to make of this. Favorited, for sure.

This... Again, I am not sure what to make of this. It... This story... My soul weeps.
My mind aches. Something here made something click. The pain... Resurfacing.
I must rest. I shall read more later. They scream. She weeps. I die.

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5108337

Appreciate it.

No words as of yet to place on the emotions. What I can say for sure is this is a beautiful piece of literature and the words paint the pictures within the mind effortlessly. Like watercolors.

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5121437

Our world is both macabre and picturesque. His world was cold and grey. I didn't tell a story, a story told itself through me.

Pure excellence, is all I can say to this.

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5122956

I try my best.

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5123292

I recommend reading Path to Infinity, next. I'm putting the third chapter out today. If you enjoyed this, then Path to Infinity is more of the same albeit differently.

5123299 i just may have to do so. If it has the same work and dedication i am certain i shall enjoy it as well.

So question is shiver really a sequal or is it like tge same story but with different characters

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5124548

is shiver really a sequal

It's not a sequel to anything. It's a prequel to Path to Infinity, and the only reason is that they're both in the same universe. They have different stories, characters, events, scenes, themes, and traits.

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5123869

It's probably more so. I've had people tell me it's the best thing they've ever read.

man that was surprisingly good

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5169262

Oh, thank you. What about it did you find good?

5169357 mostly the writing and imagery, and how it was crafted and put together. the mystery of not telling who the friend was also made it even better

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5169363

Aye, whoever it was, is up to you to decide. Thank you for reading.

If this isn't disserving of a favorite I don't know what is.

This is actually the very first story to make me tear up.

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5175460

I'm glad to hear this. Thank you for reading.

So this guy brought ruin to Ponyville in his grief over his wife's death?

Overall, I'm glad the story was much less dark than I expected.

Comment posted by Kato The Green Being deleted Feb 19th, 2015
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5641210

Because I'm allowed to. Duh.

I found this story a bit confusing. You mention pills, but don't say what they are for. You talk about frustration but don't say what's causing it. You mention apocalypse but don't go much beyond of 'an emotion caused it all'. There are some exploding orbs, which origin or purpose is never revealed.

And many things aren't explained until the second part of the story. I feel as if I'm purposely being held in the dark as a reader. As if incomprehensible chaos is the name of the game.

I sense some emotions in the background, but I can't pick up on them, let alone follow them because their causes aren't plainly revealed.

There's another thing I missed, and that is progression. The story is more of a description of the state of things. It's like a slice of static time. Nothing gets accomplished. Nothing changes (except maybe for the worst).

Technically, you keep switching with present tense and past tense, which I consider to be bad. I saw no need for that. I would recommend you pick either past tense or present tense and stick to it throughout your story.

I did like your premise, though. The story has a bit of Fallout Equestria feel to it. If you showed me more of the world, I'd probably be more overtaken and immersed.

You are, however, a master of description. You always stick to show and don't succumb to telling. You have a making of a great writer in you.

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