- Member Since 21st Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jan 7th, 2020
Keranis
I am a little brony from a little country of Czech Republic. I enjoy translating, reading, and on occasion writing. AND I FREAKIN' LOVE HOT RASPBERRIES WITH VANILLA ICE CREAM!
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- bahatumay · 2.6k words · 67 0 · 1.5k views
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Well, that was quite interesting, but seemed quite rushed and rough. Try adding more detail to it, and extending things more. Details and pacing are everything in writing. The more details there are, the easier it is for a reader to picture the scene.
Overall, I rather like the idea of interactive erotic novels, but really wish this story was more detailed and expansive. 5/10 for the writing, but 10/10 for the idea.
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I try to fight it, but when I write a lengthy description, it just seems... redundant to me. I think I am way better at writing articles and reports than actual stories.
Yeah, the problem with rushing things
I'll work on it, and hopefully it will get better over time
Glad you liked the idea, it's been sitting in my head since Power Ponies came out
Seems rushed but great job!
Hope you'll get to finish the second part, its really interesting this story
5204541 i agree with you i too want to read more
I like the cover art. I also get the feeling Rainbow could read everything Twilight just went through. I get another feeling the Twilight won't be able to look at Lotus and Aloe in the same way ever again. So, have a like and a tracking! I do hope there'll be TwiDash, since that's what I was looking for in the first place. Still, I liked this so far and am looking forward to the next chapter!
6326266 I really should get back to writing, shouldn't I?
The problem is, this fic has been laying dormant for so bloody long that I partially forgot the storyline. Sorry to say it, but this fic probably won't be continued
(I'll switch it to Hiatus right away.)
But still, thank you for the praise! It's really heartwarming to see people liking my story, even if it's admittedly amateurish