Lordxana0
Joined 4th Sep, 2014 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You should explain how tall he is because I imagine him a little taller than celestia because alucard is a tall son of a bitch.
Fake! Alucard would never even think of helping ponies!
Finally a MLP/Hellsing crossover! Haven't read it yet but I expect greatness!
Meh, just read part of it it and I will give you credit for the idea and the balls to write it, however I find that I might not finish this. The story itself, as far as I got at least, is not bad just a few personal quips that make it hard for me to continue such as your formatting. Paragraphs should be separated when a character speaks and not jumbled into the rest of the story. Just makes it easier on the eyes and a bit easier to read overall. There also seems to be places where indention has happened randomly as in, it cuts into the middle of a sen...
...tense. Much like that, lol. It's not too big of a blight but as I hope my example showed, is rather annoying just as the lack of indentation when a character speaks. As I haven't given the whole thing a good read because of these few things, I suggest you fix them as it can put off future readers.
Now this may be minor and not even be a problem at all but, from what I have read of this fic, it seems to play out in the exact same way the manga/anime plot of the original Hellsing. Basically rendering the story Hellsing: with ponies, and for me, that can be boring. I would suggest taking the characters and giving a unique spin/plot to the story itself that breaks away from the overall plot of the original series as some fans of the Hellsing series will not want to simply re-read Hellsing with a few addition of the characters being ponies. Just a small tip that again, may not even apply as I've only read a little bit of the story but if it does happen to continue that way, you might want to consider it.
Anyways, that's my review thus far. I wish you luck on this and anything else you happen to write.
I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions so far. This is my first time doing this sort of thing and I admit I am floating in untested water at the moment. Thanks to everyone for being supportive so far.
5022852 you thought this was the only good one? Go read this, then when you finally stop laughing, come thank me
A Hellsing crossover? By the gods! gamesprays.com/files/resource_media/preview/give-me-a-hug-6314_preview.jpg
5021903 agreed
Pretty good. tip; less commas in action seens. shorter sentences give the situation a sence of urgency. it can really add to a story. other then that, i like this story. that bit of background on the main character is something you don't see often
Seras has a bow and arrow. Pffft! Get that bitch a cannon! Bitches love cannons!quickmeme.com/img/92/92f07ea2de2affdabb0a40e2f6328e48699c020e53288a4ba967aeba36ac17ae.jpg
I really liked what you did with Alucard's sword though. It was pretty awesome.
While it seems fine, and weapons are edited to fit equestria, in all it seems only a ponification of the manga with elements of the original anime added in. (So far a good blend, parts from the original anime that fit well with the mangas story, only filling in little bits here and there.)
If you a ask me, you need to at least have a little divergence of the mangas story to keep it interesting, otherwise those that read the manga are going to consider this story very predictable.
5022938 Thank you for point this out to me. I honestly don't know how it happened, because it wasn't like that in the doc I typed it up in. It must have happened when I was copying and pasting it from the word document onto the site. Thanks a bundle.
5026901 I just read the story on the link you posted. Absolutely hysterical! I couldn't help but read the characters in their team four star voices.
The entire time I was like:
Don't answer the door, don't answer the door, don't answer the door. He answered the door! F***!
I feel bad for the colt.
It would be super cool if you could write more of this.
Six month checkup.
well that happend