3.1415-Nein!
After the second Pinkie Pie baking frenzy in as many weeks, Twilight had wanted the details, if only to prevent a third one. Dash had been happy to provide them. "... and so apparently Granny Smith set her off again. But at this point, I think Pinkie's accepted that I don't like pie for good."
Twilight nodded as she finished her notes and floated the book into one of the many shelves in whichever of her libraries this was. Dash lost track around the tertiary nonfiction annex. "Well, I'm glad you were able to resolve the conflict, but I find myself wondering why you don't like pie."
"Who said I needed a reason?"
"It's just that, Pinkie's experiments with metabaking aside, 'pie' isn't a flavor. It's a medium."
Dash snorted. "You're one to talk, Miss Quesa—"
"Those don't count!" Twilight caught herself, cleared her throat, and folded her wings back down from the totally unintimidating dominance display that definitely wasn't making Dash blush. "Those are always overloaded with cheese. It's in the name and everything. Pie crust is more of an edible container for whatever lies inside, a necessary component rather than the gustatory focus. You like sweets, including many other forms of pastry, so I'm left wondering what emergent property renders pie repulsive to you."
This was hardly Dash's first time with a curious Twilight. "You're not going to let this go until you find out, are you?"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Twilight looked away, though her fidgeting wings told Dash everything she needed to know.
Dash sighed. "No, I'm not going to leave you hanging after making you wonder. It was back in Junior Speedsters...
Rainbow Dash didn't quite get Gilda. She was awesome, sure, but some things about her just didn't make sense. Especially not when what she told Dash about Griffonstone.
Dash had been able to talk her parents down to weekly care packages. After all, she was a big filly, going to sleepaway flight camp and everything, and only needed the occassional reminder of how great she was. But Gilda didn't seem to get anything, and when Dash had asked, she'd just shrugged her wings and said "Someone has to care to send a care package."
What was that supposed to mean? Parents loved you and cheered you on and made you feel like you were the best foal ever. That was how it worked. Maybe Fluttershy's parents did it more quietly, but they still did it with her and Zephyr (and little Zephyr needed all the encouragement he could get.)
But apparently that just wasn't how griffons did things. Not in Griffonstone, anyway. One day in the cafeteria, next to the old mare who always gave Dash fescue even when she asked her not to, there was a griffon! One that smiled his weird beaky smile when he spotted Gilda next to Dash. (It must have been a he, since there was a little mustache on his beak. Somehow.) "Gustave has heard about you, little chickub," he said with a funny accent.
Gilda's eyes went wide. "Y-you have?" She was still sheepish around strangers.
The older griffon nodded and pulled out something hoof-sized, round, and beigish. It smelled a little like hay fries, a little like hot lightning rods, and a lot like nothing Dash had smelled before. Whatever it was made the fescue lady fold back her ears and pull away from the older griffon, which meant it had to be cool. "For you, a taste of home. Or perhaps better than home. Can't have you learning to use those wings while trying to live on grass, non?"
As the thing hit Gilda's lunch tray, she looked at it like it was a Wonderbolts season pass. "Oh wow..." Her eyes darted back up as she wiped away the drool. "Thanks, mister!"
He smiled back. "But of course."
Gilda raced to their table, and only won because Dash had to get her lunch too. Which was a lot less interesting than whatever the... thing was. "What is it?"
"It's a pie."
"Griffons eat pie for lunch?" Griffons were officially the coolest creatures ever. Dash leaned in and tried to figure out what might be in it. "Can I try some?"
Gilda frowned. "Um, I dunno. I don't think you'd really like it..."
"Well, I can't know if I don't try it!" That was what Mom always said, anyway. Even if Dad cheered about Dash's "discerning palate," whatever that meant. "C'mon, just a bite?"
After a moment, Gilda shrugged. "Well, okay." She grabbed a fork and pressed down on the pie. Under the crust, the filling was a weird grayish-white almost like a raincloud, though the smell was absolutely nothing like one. Something about it put Dash on edge, and that meant it was exciting. Gilda stabbed a bit and held it out to her. "Here."
Dash bit the morsel off the fork directly. It was... weird. The crust was nice and flaky, but the filling was heavy and greasy and—
Her face twisted in disgusted horror as she spat the bit out onto her own tray. "Oh, barf!"
Gilda shook her head. "I told you. Ponies aren't supposed to eat meat."
"Not that! Uncle Charnel Wind does great barbeques, even if he usually grills fish." Dash spat again, then tried to scrape her tongue with a hoof. "But who puts peas in a pie?"
Gilda just stared at her. After a few seconds, she got out a "Huh?"
"Ugh, I'm gonna taste those every time I even look at a pie from now on!"
"And I have ever since."
Twilight gave Dash a look very similar to Gilda's, accounting for the beak. "Really?"
"I hate peas. And again, quesa—"
"Finish that word and I will not be responsible for my actions... Also, you've proven your point."
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Ok, you got me with the twist ending. 😀
Honestly I was more expecting Zephyr to have ruined pie for her doing something nasty ...
That is the correct response to chicken pot pie.
I've also always liked the idea of fish being traditional pegasus food, in small quantities. If deer can eat meat, horses can too.
More needs to be done with Gilda. There's so much potential there.
9981616
He's hardly an American.
I wonder what Fluttershy has for band camp stories.
9981643
HERESY!
Nice bait and switch!
And wow, that's some strong memory! Sad that she can't enjoy pie now...
----
Typo:
shurgged > shrugged
9981664
They actually do if it's provided. Also, y'know, potential differences between ponies and our world's equines. We've seen them vomit, at least...
Wait, so she doesn't like peas? And all pies taste like peas to her? Really? Also, peas are delicious.
Pinkie's gonna have a fit if she learns the reason that Dash won't eat Pie is she once ate a pot pie and doesn't know that fruit pies at pretty much completely different
I figured the issue would be the crust
Charnel Wind: he's into heavy metal, isn't he?
Reminds me of my Jelly Bean Trauma. I was probably 4 or 5, and one day my brother and I each got a little bag of jelly beans in addition to the more typical Hanukkah snacks. I immediately went for a bright red one, expecting strawberry or cherry or something.
It was cinnamon.
And now 20+ years later, I still can't eat jelly beans.
That...actually explains a lot.
9981737 (insert obligatory John Lennon music clip here)
9981616
Thanks, you almost ruined pie for me with that mental image.
9981643
I respectfully disagree.
9981664
Right? Given the state of Griffonstone, it's not clear how she even got to a Cloudsdale flight camp, to say nothing of the following culture clashes.
Fluttershy never struck me as a band geek. After all, concerts mean she'd have to perform in front of other ponies! Kirinese culture club on the other wing...
9981737
You like them. I like them. Dash hates them. It takes all kinds.
9981743
Oh, Dash had had fruit pies before then; that was why she was so excited by the prospect of pie for lunch. Even the savoriness of the pie wouldn't have been an issue, though she wouldn't have wanted another bite. She just hates peas that much.
9981856
Unicorns may have been the first ponies to develop stringed instruments, but pegasi perfected the electric guitar. Naturally, Windy Whistles has been one of his biggest fans since he was playing in their parents' stable.
9981882
Precisely. Also, ouch.
9982241 Sorry.
It’s funny. For me, growing up “pie” was meat as default. Fruit or vegetable filled pies only seemed to exist on American TV and films, or at McDonalds restaurants. So strong is the association, I can’t handle “pie” as a concept for dessert.
Anyway, for your entertainment, here is a photo of the actual Colonel Sanders at Sydney institution Harry’s Cafe De-Wheels in 1972.
image didn’t work, so have a link instead.
Chocolate and Pumpkin and maybe lemon meringue and apple are the only good pies.
Not gonna lie, they had us in the first half.
Came in after Present Perfect's review, and indeed, this was great!
And the pie comic was definitely not IDW's best effort....
Man, now I want a chicken pot pie. Or shepherd's pie. Or, like... Fish pie? Could you make a meat pie with cod?
Funny, I also figured it had something to do with trauma that was Pie oriented. Noce work!