You can't handle this

by TheOnly

This is a terrible, terrible story

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had been fused with one another. Twilight stared in disbelief. The fusion of those two ponies could possibly mean the end of all Equestria. She needed to separate them before anything happened. However, it was only a second before Pinkie Dash was out of the door, flying toward Ponyville.

Oh no, thought Twilight, We're all doomed.

Pinkie Dash flew above the ponies walking around in the central square. After staring for a quite a while, she began to breathe fire. Apparently the fusion of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash had somehow allowed them the ability to breathe fire. Not just any fire, bright yellow fire. It was pretty to watch, but was causing too much destruction so Celestia called in the Super Pony Force Nine.

These nine elite ponies were specially trained to handle situations like these. Within two minutes they were already at the scene. Now it got epic.

As Pinkie Dash flew around in the air, the SPFN shot at her with all their cupcake firepower. It wasn't long before they ran out and began to throw other ponies at the flying pegasus. It wasn't long before Pinkie Dash used her laser eyes to shoot at the nine ponies, turning them all into baked apple pies. Unlucky for me, one of the laser beams went straight through the forth wall and destroyed my tab key.

Pinkie Dash continued through the city, creating havoc. One pony after another, apple pies were baked. It wasn't long before Celestia herself took matter to the extreme. She called in the aliens.

UFO's came into Equestria, firing lasers all over the place. At this point most of Ponyville had been destroyed or turned into apple pie. Now was the time to act.

A portal opened up, sucking the tree library into it and spitting out dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were angry because they hated aliens. No reason was even needed. Dinosaurs and aliens hate each other.

The dinosaurs attacked the UFO's, taking large bites out of them while the aliens fought back with their lasers. Pinkie Dash had escaped the scene, and was flying toward Canterlot. In Canterlot, gigantic pieces of fruit were raining down upon the city, crushing houses and buildings.

Without warning, everything caught on fire. Luckily, fire doesn't exist anymore, so nothing happened.

Without warning the author of this story, TheOnly, shamelessly self inserted himself. Taking two knifes out of his pocket, he proceeded to play the most beautiful song known to ponies on the xylophone. It was only a matter of time before the aliens, dinosaurs, Super Pony Force Nine, and maimed ponies were following him across the lands. Little did they know that I had other plans for them.

We walked until we reached the edge of the universe. There, we saw the king of all things. It was. Cole McGrath. Throwing one of my knifes, I swiftly killed him, and I crowned myself king of the universe. As king, I made ice cream rain from the sky. Then, I wrote this story.
No not the one you're reading right now. I wrote this one.

THE BEST DAY EVER
by TheOnly

It was sunny out. The birds were singing. There was rain falling and the clouds covered the sky. All the birds were dead. It was almost time for the zombie apocalypse.

Posey and Surprise prepared themselves for the apocalypse by putting on their favorite clothes and makeup. They would need to look good when they slaughtered a massive wave of zombies. Rainbow Dash put on her most magnificent outfit. She put on her favorite necklace and even her favorite hat. Luckily, she had found her hat on her head moments before. Lightning struck the house, and it caught on fire.

Luckily it was raining, so the fire didn’t really do much. Instead, the three ponies trotted out of the house and into the rain. Except the rain got them wet, so they went back inside. In the graveyard, hooves popped up out of the soil. The zombies were coming. However, it was raining, and the zombies didn’t like getting wet so they went back into the ground until tomorrow.

When it was tomorrow, there was no more rain, so the zombies came. Rainbow dash, Posey, and Surprise were waiting outside their house for the zombies. They saw the crowd of undead ponies coming toward them, and took out their secret weapon.

What was their secret weapon you ask? I don’t know, but it was something blue. This blue thing turned round and round until all the zombies were dead. But you can’t kill something that’s already dead right? Can you do that? Can you die two times? I don’t know, all I know is that the blue thing killed all the zombies and they all died. Twice. The end.

Just kidding, the three happy ponies went inside to celebrate. They made tea, but remembered they didn’t have hands and none of them were unicorns, so they couldn’t drink the tea out of their tea cups. They were sad. In fact, they were so sad, they frowned. Frowning meant they were sad, and when you were sad you frowned. Frowning and sadness are connected, but sadness and frowning aren’t. It’s like a square and a rectangle, except frowning doesn’t have four sides.

Since they were sad, they decided to do sad things, like be sad. After being sad for a long time, they decided that they should be happy. But they were sad. Posey decided that they should play a game. Rainbow Dash agreed, but Surprise wanted to go for a walk. Disregarding the majority vote, the three ponies went outside for a walk. Both Rainbow Dash and Posey were furious. So they took Surprises favorite necklace and hid it in a tree.

Surprise was very angry about this, and began to say mean things. Those mean things were mean, and the meaness made Posey and Rainbow Dash sad, so they cried. They cried so much they made a river, which we now know as the Nile River, but that’s not important.

They cried so much, they made trees grow. That eventually became the Amazon Rainforest, but that’s not important. They cried so much, the tear drops made every ocean on the planet, except for the Arctic Ocean because nopony cares about that one. But that’s not important. What’s important is that they cried. they cried a lot. And since they were crying they made tears. Luckily they ran out of water before they could flood the entire town, but lucky for the town it was already flooded, and if one thing is for sure you can’t flood a town twice.

Surprise felt bad about making her friends cry, so she gave them both a gift. The gift was the gift of friendship. It was the best gift anypony could ever ask for. Rainbow Dash and Posey forgave Surprise for saying mean things. They had a big hug, and then after they hugged they hugged again. You know, because. Then after they were done hugging, they laughed. Laughing was good. After laughing for like, three days, Surprise finally remembered that her favorite necklace was still missing, so she asked her two friends about it.

They told her that Posey ate the necklace by accident, so Surprise put a hoof down her esophagus to retrieve it. After destroying most of her internal organs, Posey finally got the necklace out of her stomach with the help of Surprise. Surprise ate the necklace.

The end.

After writing that story, I wrote this story. Unlucky for me, before I could submit it to fimfiction a hole ripped through the space time continuum, due to the fact that Pinkie Dash had performed a Forth Wall Boom, causing a rift between two universes. Ponies, aliens, dinosaurs, and bronies were all sucked into the black hole, being brought to a different dimension.

After falling into a gigantic pit, the aliens, bronies, ponies, and dinosaurs had a gigantic fight. Needless to say, the dinosaurs won. I mean, come on, they're dinosaurs. They just chomp up all who oppose them.

Luckily, Fluttershy and I survived because all the dinosaurs were carnivores and Fluttershy is a tree. I survived because I wrote this damn story, and I can do whatever I want.

This is exactly what I did

After flying on Fluttershy's back out of the pit, we came back to the real dimension. Now Fluttershy is my pet, and it is awesome. She is my little Shy.

Then, I drank twenty bottles of soda, and wrote this story. It shall get lots of down thumbs, because I am the least funny person on the face of the universe.

APRIL FOALS.

no seriously, that wasn't funny at all.

FORGIVE ME DEAR READERS!

YAH ITS A LITTLE LATE, DEAL WITH IT.

Comments

[TheOnly]

Oh dearest readers, forgive me for such an atrocity, but I couldn't let the words go to waste.

I have a real story scheduled for later today, hoorah!

enjoy.

I accept your hate with open arms.

[Wubsy]

blogs.westword.com/showandtell/07%20spiderman%20thread.jpg

[Hivemind]

TAKE MY HATE!

TAKE IT!

[Purple Thunder]

I LOVED IT!

[Raven Smite]

465165 ... You say you'll accept our hate with open arms... Does that mean you won't accept our love as readily?

[CommacazyFreak]

OK that was funny I enjoyed it hating things is not possible I am a Brony but anyway that was wild and you should do something random like this again.

[Reaverzappy]

I feel like giving it a thumbs up just because it said I would give it a thumbs down.

[Keepcalmandcupcakes]

I loved this so much it was not even funny, like your story. Except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, except it wasn't funny, except it was funny, ETC....

And the person who was writing this comment died from the inability to handle the paradox in his brain because he was actually a robot. Who am I? I am his soul from when he was human, because he used to be until he wrote this comment. Except now I'm robot, but I'm not. I will now die. Serious. Stop. REALLY!

[PhoKingAzn]

465911
chzmemeafterdark.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/naughty-memes-pinkie-pie-runs-this-shit.jpg
funny, i enjoyed it myself a bit

[Schaechterle25]

I love the story because it had dinosaurs in it. I love dinosaurs.

[Csquared08]

I remember reading this. It was, well, amusing. I lol'd

[TheOnly]

466095 your love is being shunned for the moment

[Raven Smite]

466949

[TheOnly]

466963 don't worry, it shall be accepted with open arms very soon.

[djdexcat]

I found this story awesome, mostly because I am insane iridescent muskrat man. To the luncheonmobile!
*stabs own face*

[Regidar]

and then my dad threw my computer through the wall because he couldn't handle my insane giggling.

[Krix]

If ever there was a story more deserving of the random tag......

[Rainbow87dash]

Just kidding, the three happy ponies went inside to celebrate.  They made tea, but remembered they didn’t have hands and none of them were unicorns, so they couldn’t drink the tea out of their tea cups.  They were sad.  In fact, they were so sad, they frowned.  Frowning meant they were sad, and when you were sad you frowned.  Frowning and sadness are connected, but sadness and frowning aren’t.  It’s like a square and a rectangle, except frowning doesn’t have four sides.  

MIND FUCK

[FallingInDarkness]

God wtf is this, someone please slap me with a bunion!'*Somepony slaps me with a bunion and I slapped my face dramatically*

[DragonEmeraldKeyBladerXZ]

PINKIE PIE FUSED WITH RAINBOW DASH!!!!! THE UNIVERSE IS DOOMED, DOOMED, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED

[Brody Deitrick]

just wtf

[Doctor Tex]

I speeded through the whole thing...THIS IS GLORIOUS!

[-Pinkamena_Pie-]

I'm named after the logic-breaking pink party pony and even I don't know what this was.

I love it.