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Two friends and business partners contemplate their latest mistake, and were to go from there.

Done for the Famous Last Words, please take a look next month and join in on the fun.

I thought about editing this, but decided to leave it as I had originally written it before cutting it down for the competition. I want to get an idea of what my writing habits are so please add a critique of what you think works and what doesn't.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 3 )

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Caffeinated

Caffeinated #1 · Aug 25th, 2014 · · · Only Chapter ·

There is a "the the" where it should be "it the" and a slip into the present tense when they looked down the building, which could count as bad habit. Anyway, I guess you meant story wise when you asked for critique. I assume you left out the description of your two characters on purpose, given that the story is quite short but entertaining nonetheless.
I'm sure there are others more qualified than me to point out flaws but I like the story as it is.

Thisisalongname

Thisisalongname #2 · Aug 25th, 2014 · · · Only Chapter ·

4904860

a "the the" where it should be "it the"

Couldn't find where this occurred so could you paste more of the sentence it was in so I can fix it? Think I fixed the tense shift.

As for character description, one was the word limitation as I had to cut this down to 750 words and didn't bother adding them in, but even after the comp when I can use my expanded version I feel that descriptions don't seem that important to the story. I don't have plans to use these characters again, and it feels like taking the time to describe what they look like and their cutie marks would just take away from the overall story. I'd rather just let the reader picture them however they like.

Caffeinated