Silver Flame is a Pegasus but not any Pegasus he is a prince of the kingdom of Grydom............well was a prince after the death of his parents he went in to depression. Things only got worse when his brother Aron Flame blames Silver for their parents death and throws him in a dungeon and takes the place of king. Now having escaped the kingdom he ends up in the neighboring land of Equestria but not after taking a beating. Now lying on a dirt road bloody and half dead he is saved by a passing unicorn and earth pony. Silver wakes up in ponyvile and meets his savior and her strange friends. Now in a new town Silver feels safe but he cant escape his past forever and his brothers not going to let him. (First fanfic lets see how this goes feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments.)
SpyroFlame
Joined 12th Apr, 2012 ·
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Chapters (2)
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Let me know what you think be cruel.
Got me interested but i question you using that name, every time i read it i think of a dragon rather than a pony
461822Thats simple im not too creative with names
but i do have good story ideas. Thanks for taking time to read it. Its means alot that someponys interested
nice, make more chapters
You might want to do some editing. you are missing some punctuation and words.
461872
Im sure theres a random pony name generator somewhere that you could use, can also ask friends
461989glad to see your enjoying it
462725 after some thinking i see how that could become a issue il think of somthing its still early in the story i could still change the name if it comes to it thanks for leting me know.
After reading your comments on my story, I decided to take a quick glance at yours.
The concept of the story is good based on this chapter, but unfortunately it is somewhat hard to follow due to the lack of punctuation (primarily commas), omitted words, and in places incorrect word order.
In the first line, what you have as:
"Silver groan in pain as he used the last of his energy to crawl out of the river onto a dirt road. Silver Flame a sliver Pegasus with a dark purple mane and for a cutie mark had a flaming sword and shield."
would be much better read as:
"Silver groaned in pain as he used the last of his energy to crawl out of the river and onto a dirt road. Silver Flame was a sliver Pegasus, with a dark purple mane, and a flaming sword and shield as a cutie mark."
My major suggestion is to find somepony else to proofread your work before posting it, but other than that, keep on writing!
677809 Thank you, this was my first attempt of actually writing anything creative. I pretty much checked for spelling but forgot about grammar. Grammar in general isnt my strong point and something I need to work on. Thanks for the feedback it means alot.
Looks like a good read I'll check into it here soon
when is the next chapter coming out?
You have potential, but you need a proof-reader. Go ask one of the proof-reader groups for help!
Hey, was the name Spyro Staff inspired by the old PS1 games? I love those, and I'm replaying the first one now.