Doctor Whooves: Birth of the Doctor

by LightOfTriumph

Update on Audio Drama

Here is some more information

Comments

[Bold Promise]

4891354 Only now? I've only figured it out the moment Turner said he'd rather travel, but is too busy. In the first chapter.

[LightOfTriumph]

4966426 .... So how'd you like the fic?

[Bold Promise]

4966452 I'd like it if it would leave room to imagine what might happen next. If it left you with the impression that anything could happen. That's all.

[Mister L]

4994150

[Sky Blue CMC]

4994150 I second that notion.

[LightOfTriumph]

5098008 It's all up on Hulu plus if you want more!

[Sky Blue CMC]

I've just finished rewatching Turn Left. The stars are going out!

[Izarra Kiania]

5098170 Amy, during the season five trailer

[Izarra Kiania]

4730343 Well, it wasn't bad, but I wasn't a huge fan, either. My problem was mainly the grammar and fluency - the overall story was good, but little bits here and there just felt wrong. For example, in the first chapter...

Time was immovable

You're missing a period at the end of this sentence. Also, I suggest immutable instead of immovable. Same general meaning, but immutable feels more appropriate.

Besides the ticking. Everything was silent.

Replace the first period with a comma: Besides the ticking, everything was silent.

Sweetie Belle was rather nervous to talk to him, but stepped up anyway.

Bit bumpy. How about: Sweetie Belle was rather nervous about talking to him, but stepped up anyway.

Yes, I am the watchmaker, the name is Time Turner.

Feels a bit... off. Would you phrase it this in real life? Perhaps: Yes, I am the watchmaker. My name is Time Turner.

Turner peered at the Time Piece.

Why is "time piece" capitalized? For that matter, why is it two words? Wiktionary tells me that timepiece as one word is valid, and it looks better than "time piece" as two. Thus: Turner peered at the timepiece.

I may not be anything special, but the one thing I know how to do is mend a watch.

Yeah, no. Again, it doesn't feel like the sort of thing someone would say in real life. I recommend: I may not be anything special, but if there's one thing I know how to do, it's mend a watch.

"Wouldn't be worth it anyway. This shouldn't take me a moment.'

You started with a double quote (") and ended with a single quote (') here.

Also, in the beginning, you have Applejack bringing them the money, saying Snails owed her a favour. Then, she vanishes and Apple Bloom appears. Was this intentional?

I'm going to stop here. I'm only about a third of the way through the first chapter, and this comment is already huge. Don't get me wrong, I like the story - I read through the whole thing and enjoyed it - but you could use an editor/proofreader. My last bit of advice is to look for one who won't just fix things, but tells you where and why things need to be fixed. You won't get better on your own otherwise.

[LightOfTriumph]

5221894 Well, the rest of the series is already out. If you want to give them a read.

[TurboTheGameGuy]

5262215 iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/149726__UNOPT__.gif

[LightOfTriumph]

5952430 10

[The Cynical Brony]

5952434 Huh. Didn't seem like 10, but then again, I haven't watched a full episode of Doctor Who in about 2 years. Still good!