• Member Since 6th May, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago


Good authors too, who once knew better words, Now only use four-letter words writing prose. Anything goes. :raritywink:


Pinkie is looking for more lucrative work so that she can eventually start her own bakery, so she's applied to be one of the Night Guard. The job pays well, and the benefits are fantastic...

But in order for her to take the job she has to undergo a change.

Is it worth transforming into a Thestral for 750 bits a week and full health and dental? She'll have to think carefully.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 79 )

Depending on how much 150 hits translates to, full health and dental sounds like a sure win offer. You’ll need it with the changes after all

"Shining Armor forgot to tell you."

We sure? Because my first kneejerk reaction to that would be to assume he deliberately neglected to tell her. You know, so to see how it'd play out. :rainbowlaugh:

"Hit the nail right on the purple horned head," Pinkie nodded.


Twilight: "Wait...why are my ears burning?"

I wouldn't be surprised if Pinkie at one point tasted the durian.

Thestral Transformation form

Do it do it do it do it.

You'd be stuck with it for about a year

I'll just pretend she constantly forgot to turn back on the full moon for the rest of her life.

Pinkie Pie, with her pointy, fuzzy ears, reddish eyes, fangs and leathery wings

That was close! She only had one paragraph left.

That was pretty good. Thank you.

The best part is, Pinkie's reality-bending powers would be something any guard captain would want at her disposal. An enemy would find them nearly impossible to plan against.

The dark side didn't have cookies, they have cakes...
And Pinkie took it.

Rough around the edges (frequent grammar mistakes), but the underlying story is a cute one and very well paced. Keep working at your writing, and I'd suggest getting a grammar checker like Grammarly or LanguageTool to help pick up most of those problems.

A liiiittle rough, but really good!
Made me amused!

And so Pinkie just drank Dashie's blood instead of making her into cupcakes.


It's weird how much sense this makes.

Second paragraph, second line, 'yoing' to 'young.'

Starless Knight nodded. "Okay, last up is the Thestral Transformation form," She smiled. "Schedule it for when you aren't going to have anything else.to do. Trust me, the procedure can utterly destroy you for the day if you aren't careful. So get it done, go home, and just sleep for the rest of the day. You should be fine after 24 hours, but it's gonna be tough that first day."

Extra period there on the second line.

Pinkie nodded once again,. She'd have to be careful off the job from now on. It's not as if she would purposefully ran herself into a mountainside, but she did, in regular occasions fire herself out of a spring-loaded canon. She had to be careful where she aimed it from here on out. "This transformation," Pinkie said, not wanting to offend anyone with her next question, but she really did need to ask. "Is it reversable? I mean, if I get fired or have to quote for some reason, and I don't like being a Batpony, can I change back? Or is this something I'm stuck with for the rest of my life of I take this job?"

Punctuation error in that first line, and "quote" to "quit" a bit down.

"I completely understand," Starless Knight said , raising her hooves. "The offer won't be going away any time soon. I'll call you in three days, that should be enough time to think it over. I hope you'll join us. If for no other reason than to eat the cake they serve at the New Recruit Party that my husband !makes. Don't know what it is about that came but it is freaking ambrosia."

An errant '!' infiltrated the last line. Also, Pinkie's reaction to this in the next line is hilarious.

On that note, the entire story is hilarious. Very in-character for Pinkie, believable reactions all around, the fact that she's simultaneously over- and under-qualified makes entirely too much sense, and Starless' interview questions (and Pinkie's answers) were gold. I especially liked the bit with the scissors. Top marks!

Though there are grammatical errors throughout, this was really funny and enjoyable to read.

Thank you for a very funny read!

More please! I wanna hear about Pinkie's night to night adventures in the guard!

Please sir more

A simple slice of life, comic story with no real purpose (except exploring a single character)
A perfect simple and good read, I'd ask for seconds, but I'll just give you my compliments first.


I'm the lemon buttercream frosting on your birthday cake. I'm the fun that flaps in the night. I. Am. Pinkwing Pie!

I'd read the hell outta a thestral night guard Pinkie Pie story. If only to watch hardened criminals beg for a nice quiet cell away from... her.

i kinda want a sequal now

Thestral Pinkie Pie is something Fimfiction definatly needs more of

when she say down

sat instead of say

and abject madness."

Rogue quotation mark

bouncy , squeaking

Extra space after 'bouncy'

"On purpose," Starless Added.

Lower case 'a' in 'added'

" Not an uncommon

Extra space after the quote

of Tra nsformation is different

Space in the middle of 'Transformation'

about that came but

Cake instead of 'came'?

Autocorrect is my best friend.:pinkiecrazy:

Thanks, I will fix it later.

750 bits is 375oz of pure 24k gold...

Convert from there

We definitely need the adventures of the element of Bat-Laughter!

Will we see giant words in the sky as she engages in com-bat?
Will she team up with some more experienced, older female, or will she get a younger sidekick?

What sort of villains in the night will she face?

Tune in next time to find out.

YES. In fact, just give me more Pinkie Pie justice in general.

First off, it said 150 in the description prior to an edit, second, we have no defined value in the show itself. Gold could be a common commodity if their smallest currency is made out of it. Third, no definite even there. We don’t know whether they’re pure gold, gold plated, painted gold, or just shiny brass.

Yeah, sorry about that. It was always meant to be 750. As you can plainly see, I have a typo problem.

I always have it as 1 bit for 1 US dollar.

I am absolutely disgusted and offended that nobody (including myself) has thought of this brilliant idea until now. Thestral Pinkie Pie? This needs to continue to be a thing and I absolutely love it to pieces!

The hardcore Darkwing Duck fan in me can't help but point out that the "flaps in the night" bit should really come before the "I'm the lemon buttercream frosting" bit. :rainbowlaugh:

But I'm with you--I'd be game for some of the continuing adventures of Bat-Pinkie too. :pinkiehappy:

No problem, this was a nice little story.


My bad, that was a last moment edit before posting. I knew I should've left it the way it was originally! :facehoof:

9597347 You would never make coins of 24k gold. It is far too soft and far too heavy to be usable. Coins need to be durable, which isn't good when you can rub gold away on a warm day.

Cup and Carrot Cake had taken her in because she had just moved out of her parents place and was quite literally starving to death.

Yet for some reason when I put "literally penniless and starving" on MY resume I'm the LEAST likely to get hired! *grumble grumble*

Wait. This is it? This is the only chapter? It's completed? Are you fucking kidding me?

First time I am going to comment doing this, but I'm giving a dislike. This has way too much potential for a good series, you're a good author, and only one chapter is just super disappointing.

That is absolutely your prerogative. But I do want to point something out to all of the people demanding a sequel or continuation.

This was a commission.

As friend of mine paid me $10 to write a 3,000 word one shot about Pinkie Pie's permanent transformation into a batpony. I delivered on the contract and he seemed satisfied. I sold this story to be able to take care of myself, and some stuff I want to get my hands on while most of my money is tied up in my mom's cancer treatments. That is to get her to stop worrying about the trivial crap I'm going through, so she doesn't feel guilty getting her meds. Fun woman my mom.

I have sold this, and two more stories. One of the remaining two I'm a third of the way done with. I'm sorry, but with the situation I'm in I can't do Fan fiction for fun anymore. The only way this gets a sequel is if someone buys it the next time slots are open. I know it sounds cold, and God knows I feel like a sellout, but with my mom's cancer and my complete lack of other income I have no choice.

"Well you see, I'm 22 now," Pinkie explained. "In five years I should be twenty seven. Though my birthday is in a month so I guess you could say I'll be almost twenty eight, which I guess makes me 'almost 22' now, so..."

CORRECTION: 'almost 23' now

"750 bits a week," Starless said frankly. "We actually get paid more than Day Guards of the same rank because the work we do is more dangerous at night. You can thank my old CO for negotiating that one."

Okay so:
>Realistically this is a salary of $2250 per week ($112,500 per year if she works 50 weeks a year, $117,000 per year if she's paid for time off). That's roughly the same as $56~57 an hour... holy shit.
>Assuming you just treated bits as dollars (which they aren't, they have roughly 3x the purchasing power), that's still a massive $18~19 an hour. Holy SHIT.


Yikes, my dude, that's some heavy entitlement you have there. Might wanna get that checked.

Problem is, the value and rarity of gold depend on where you are, and Equestria is a world where ponies literally grow gemstones, ores, and rocks like plants (Spike growing gems, rock farming, etc). While gold would still be rather valued as an easy-to-mold, long-lasting metal, and as such would still be used in currency (as evidenced by golden bits), I doubt it would be worth what gold is worth in OUR world. I imagine most precious metals would be similarly devalued (silver 2-bit pieces exist in the show and books, but have only shown up once in either medium if memory serves).

In the show, bits seem to be able to buy about $3 of cider per bit (S2: S.S.C.S.6000), $3 of apple pie per bit (S1: Best Night Ever), et cetera. The two outliers are the strawberry from Putting Your Hoof Down (which was stated in-story to be overpriced as HECK) and Fluttershy's attempted balloon flight out of Ponyville (Magical Mystery Cure), which she pays for with silver 2-bit pieces, but I honestly have no idea how expensive a hot air balloon ride to Cloudsdale would be (I guess it would depend on distance travelled, fuel expended, etc, but distances in Equestria are too relative to find a concrete answer to that).

Generally, 1 Bit seems to have 3 USD of buying power. Most people treat 1 Bit as 1 USD, though.

You’d only be a sell out if you write something you find abhorrent for money, in my opinion anyway. Cool story though.

how did you came up with that calculation Oo

but yeah right, take the job for the payment alone xD

Scroll down a couple comments. Among my other rantings on the value of a Bit, I briefly mention the relatively consistent purchasing power of a Bit as $3 in the show. No word on if that's consistent with Seasons 8-9, but I'm fairly sure the number still holds up. Most purchases occur in seasons 1-3, with bits basically never changing hooves in seasons 4+.

1: You're not a sell out
2: Sorry bout your mom, i know what thats like I lost mine when I was 17 to cancer, so i hope your mom recovers.
3: Just a friendly suggestion, add that this was a commission, in the story description, maybe folks will stop pestering for a continuation that way.:twilightsmile:

and finally 4: (lol) would you be agreeable if someone else wanted to use this as an idea to either a: write their own continuation. or b:write their own version of this?:pinkiehappy:

Fun stuff, though I'm definitely left wanting more. Still, a commission's a commission. Thank you for what's here.

I would also like to know the answer to those two questions.

Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel!

I kid, I kid. :rainbowlaugh:


This was only $10? I must be misunderstanding something.

Clearly you needed to earn more than $10 if you are talking about survival expenses while dealing with cancer costs.

That was... nice but odd? Feels like there are some details that are missing which would help things make sense.

Probably a normal experience dealing with Pinkie, all things considered.

Okay, I need to clear something up, because this misunderstanding has cropped up a few times now.

I am not, repeat, I am not paying for my mom's cancer meds.

Nor am I paying for my own personal living expenses while my mom is having treatment.

I am getting the money to pick up some stupid stuff (Usually snacks and other random crap.) that my mother would try to buy for me despite the fact that we cannot afford it.

I really do not want it to seem to be like I misled all of you. This is not some big selfless thing I'm doing, at least not entirely. It is to take some pressure off my mom that shouldn't exist, but my mom is my mom.

I'm sorry. I'm really afraid people will think I'm trying to say that without these commissions my mom will go without meds without these commissions, that IS NOT what I am trying to say here.

I hope that made sense. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to say that I am the only support for my Cancer-Riddled mother. This is just to pick up some extra cash in a tough situation.

I certainly did not think of this as "paying for her medical expenses". But I was thinking along the lines of "needing a few hundred dollars per chapter/story for living expenses", and $10 per chapter seemed really low, so I was wondering if you had / there existed a secondary market for selling these stories after they were written, so you were getting more than just the $10.

Still, if we could get 10 or 15 people to chip in $10 each, could we get another 10-15 chapters in the life of Pinkie Bat?

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