Jingle
Joined 21st Sep, 2013 ·
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- Friendlyapples · 2k words · 31 2 · 2.5k views
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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interesting story hoping for some character detail on apple shine and maybe meeting the father anyway good story looking forward to more
Not bad. Not enough of a story to be a one shot
I'm planning on adding a backstory chapter about the party Applejack attended and I might write one about Applejack's life with Apple Shine.
well, i guess we know who the father is
Well I guess he wanted to help with apple bucking or popped the bubble manually...
Technically it is not the first unicorn if you look at the family picture. Left of Babs and 3rd left from Babs.
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121222153803/mlp/images/thumb/b/be/The_Apple_Family_together_S3E08.png/640px-The_Apple_Family_together_S3E08.png
You have me interested . The only thing that really bugs me is the conversations. They seem a bit awkward, forced, and not flowing. Also, if she was that far intro her pregnancy, wouldn't they have already asked those questions? The "whose the father" argument, "when is your due date," and "what's it like to be pregnant." Those seem like out of place conversation topics to be had if she is due in a few weeks. Friends like these would've talked about this stuff as soon as they found out. Other than those little things, I like what you got going on here
4535120
Oh, I never even noticed her.
4535914
Thanks for the feedback. The only reason those conversations were happening at that moment was because I wanted the reader to know those things.
4533067 who?
4997845
I forgot
4998724
5000690
5002605 lol
5002607 Ikr
5002612 Wanna chat on my page? You seem fun
Are you sure this wasn't just a copy of my story? 'Cause it's just like it with Applejack instead of Fluttershy.
Yeah...I just finished reading this. This is phenomenally similar to my story, and it was published two months after. Did my story inspire you?
5292220 OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!
The conversations are really clunky and awkward, plus there were a lot of "your"s when they should have been "you're"s.
But your descriptions are nice! Could have used more birthing detail and dinner detail, to be honest.