It Started on a Sunday Afternoon

by Bookmark88

A Happy Ending on a Monday Night

A Happy Ending on a Monday Night

Pinkie and I had been together for three months. Three. Awesome. Months. The day before, I talked Twilight into casting her cloud walking spell on Pinkie so I could take her up to Cloudsdale to meet my dad. The meeting went well, Pinks and Dad hit it off, better than my first meeting with her dad. Even cuddling with Pinkie that night, I still had nightmares. What’s that? Yeah, I like to be cuddled. You gonna make something of it?

Anyway, I flew Pinkie up to Cloudsdale, and she met my dad, and things went well. Dad even joked about Pinkie becoming part of our family sometime soon, though we both insisted that we weren’t that serious yet. Dad pulled me aside and asked me how serious my relationship with Pinkie was. I told him that I loved her, and she loved me, but we were taking things slowly, and we mostly just cuddled. Dad got all surprised that I admitted that.

But that was the day before. That night, Pinks and I slept in my old room. The bed was a bit too small, so we had to cuddle a bit more than normal. Pinkie didn’t mind, but it was a bit difficult to get comfortable. Slept fine though.
We got up that morning, Monday, and had breakfast with Dad, and just hung out for a while. Dad told stories about how he met Mom, said he wished she was here to see me with a special somepony. You know all that sappy nostalgia stuff. I totally didn’t tear up. Pinks and I left that afternoon, and I was flying her back home. There was a strong wind though, so it took a while to get back to Ponyville. We got home after dark, all the stores were closed, and the lights were off at Sugar Cube Corner.

“Hey, Pinks? It’s a bit late. Twilight’s spell won’t where off for a few days, right? How about you spend the night at my place?”

“That sounds nice”

There. She’s been acting weird the whole trip back. Well, weird for her anyway. She’s been awfully quiet, and the time’s we stopped to give my wings a break, she had a very thoughtful look on her face.

“Pinkie, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong Dashie. Why do you think something’s wrong?”

“You’ve been pretty quiet. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Don’t lie to me Pinkie”

“It’s just. I heard you talking to your daddy. About how serious our relationship is. How serious is it really?”

I saw what was wrong. “Pinkie, we had this conversation like, two months ago. Our relationship is as serious as you want it to be, got it?” About this time, I landed outside my house, and let Pinkie down off my back.
She leaned up against me. “I know Dashie; I just get all these thinky thoughts sometimes.” Then she looked at me with a look, like she was very nervous. “Rainbow Dash? If I said I wanted our relationship to be a bit more serious…”

Now I was a bit confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, um, I mean. You know. That. Um.” She was blushing pretty bad now. “You know… bedroom stuff.”

“Oh. That. You sure you’re ready for that? It’s supposed to be a pretty big step in a relationship” To tell the truth, I wouldn’t have known, because Pinkie was the first relationship I’d ever had.

“Yeah. I’m sure. At least, I think I’m sure. I’m a little nervous, but I think I’m ready.”

“Okay then Pinks, let’s head inside, clean up, get in bed, and we’ll see where it goes from there. Okay?”

“Okay!”

So I unlock the door, and we go inside. I let her use the bath first, though I had to explain how some of it worked. Earth Ponies tend to not be used to bathing with rain clouds. Pinkie took about 20 minutes. She came out, nuzzled me, and I took my turn.

So, there I am standing under the warm water, letting it flow over me, and wondering just how I got into this mess. I mean, three months ago I hooked up with Pinkie just to make her feel better. I don’t regret it, and three months later I can tell you that I love her to death. Still, I never thought we’d get this far. I know I promised that we’d do it when she was ready, but I’m not sure that I’m ready. I take a deep breath and shake my head, can’t think like that right now. A promise is a promise, and besides, pinkie said she wasn’t sure if she was ready. For all I knew, she could chicken out at the last minute, and then well, I kept my promise. Still, just in case… I stepped out of the shower and got this special shampoo rarity gave me on my birthday. Yeah, soap as a birthday gift. “Happy Birthday, you reek!” I know that’s not what she meant, but anyway, this stuff is supposed to make your fur all soft, and make you smell like roses. Really I never intended to actually use it, but Pinkie’s worth it.

I leave the bathroom, and head to my bedroom. Pinkie’s already there, in bed under the covers. She looked a bit, like, she was nervous and exited at the same time.

“You ready Pinks?”

So I got into bed with her, and we well, we took it slow at first, just kissing, a bit of cuddling and nuzzling. Our normal stuff, basically. Then Pinkie started to get a bit more forceful. Maybe that’s not quite the right word, but those kisses were certainly deeper than what we normally did. I just let het take charge.

I’m not going to tell you what happened next, you perverts, but really there’s only one way to describe it. I know it sounds sappy, but even as awkward as our first time was; it can only be described as making love.

An hour later, we were lying there, and Pinkie kissed me. “I love you, Dashie, I do. I’m glad we did this.”

“So am I Pinks. I love you to.”

And then we fell asleep. That was an awesome night.

Comments

[Larsen]

It's a sweet story, but you really need to get a proof reader on it, or just go it over one more time, reading it out loud some times helps. I enjoyed it, but it's not very memorable.

[Forum Explorer]

So this was...pretty much exactly what I was expecting.

We've had our arguments of RainbowPie vs FlutterDash and as a result I'm really familiar with your headcanon on the subject (and vice versa I imagine) This felt kinda like an extension of those discussions.

I will second the comment on the grammar.

I do think one big problem was how Rainbow Dash got into a relationship with Pinkie. I think I know what you were going for (the idea of Rainbow not having anything against the relationship and so decided to give Pinkie a chance) but instead it came off as Rainbow Dash being guilted into the relationship, which just screams of an unhealthy relationship. Particularly when it's coupled with Rainbow Dash's passivity in the relationship it really feels like Rainbow Dash isn't invested in the relationship.

[Bookmark88]

4473223I Honestly did not expect you to read this story.

I think my second, third, and fifth stories handle what I'm trying to get at a bit better than this one, though I honestly don't expect you to read those wither(Equestria Girls Fics)

To be completely Honest, I wasn't even expecting this to get approved, as it's my worst fic from the batch.

Should I maybe have spent more time in the days after the hook up?

I knew I wanted to do just three chapters with this, and had specific events in mind for each chapter.

[Forum Explorer]

4473323

Well I figured I'd give it a shot.

As for the issue I brought up earlier, yeah that would help. But another solution is just working on the word choice in the first and third chapter.

[Crimson Dawn]

What I think this misses most as a story is structure. Yes the dialogue and writing can be a little bit stilted at times but I can actually get thorugh it OK. What makes this story alright but not great is that it lacks any sort of strong classic story structure. IT does not really build to something, it lacks a real conflict, it does not have a real climax, and then we do not get much of a denouement afterwords. Now I am not saying it completely lacks these things as you could say it was building up to the two of them having sex, you could say the conflict was whether it would happen or not, and that the sex itself was the climax but none of these things felt as being that strong. Each of these factors need to be built up more in the narrative and if you do so the story itself gets stronger which can overcome weakness in grammar (to a point but your grammar is nowhere near that bad).

I love PinkieDash so that part I liked a lot. I think you had some decent ideas but your inexperience makes this story almost more of an outline of what the story could be. Sort of like this is a draft of the basic premise and now you can go in and build up each section to make it a full higher quality story. Do note it is not so much the length (you can make a high quality short story) it is more how you use your words to build up the story.

I think you did a good job and the best way to improve is to keep reading and writing. Good luck.

[TheAngelicWolf]

4580267 I don't get it...

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

This was a nice story.

[Tenth]

6657008
5217036
I don't even get it. Must have been a typo... or I was very tired. I usually read late a night, so the second one is probably true.
Sorry for the confusion.

[The0neUMisunderstood]

6658517 haha. It happpens to the best of us. Once my friend said that there was a murderous clown named Chucky. Guess who he killed? Chucky.

[Tenth]

7253555

[TheMobFighter]

Oh I'm A Pervert Now Aye? (I Probably Am)