I follow the light for it shows me the way, yet I will embrace the darkness for it shows me the stars.
This story is a sequel to I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
After the Gala Rainbow and Pinkie go on their first date. What could go wrong? Well, everything.
The image is edited slightly by yours truly, but the original image does not belong to me, and a big thanks to Rootbeer Dew for helping me with editing!
Inspired by She's My Man from Scissor Sisters on their Ta-Dah album, I personally think the video is pretty cool.
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An enjoyable short story with my favorite ship so that is good to see. Now for some critiques.
In many ways this story is similar to the previous story particularly in style. I think what made the previous story work well is the feeling of motion that the dance scene (short as it was) seemed to give the story. PinkieDash is a ship that has a lot of energy and while it can do quiet and insightful moments it should still have this undercurrent of energy possibly barely contained. I thought it fitting that when Pinkie fights she manages to win without hurting anybody. That works but I think you could have put more into that sort of like your dance scene which could show some energy and motion. I also laughed a little where Dashie hides when Pinkie gets mad however I do think Dash was a little bit too passive in the scene. I like Pinkie standing up for Dash (go Pinkie) but I think Dash is too head strong to be quite that passive in the situation (now she is not completely passive, just more passive than I think she would be).
Definitely keep writing you have some good ideas. Sere if you can find one that you want to elaborate more with.
Nice story you have, but could use a little bit editing and some more details. Best of luck on this story, author!
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I am very apologetic for your disappointment my editor is mia so i had to solo most of this. Although i am fluent in english as it is not my primary language and i am not that great at grammar. ill admit i did rush this, and if i hear back from my editor i will probably revoke the submission and give it a face lift, so ill definitely hold off from putting this on any groups.
Great job, Scout!
5199090
No need to apologize I don't think the story is bad. I like it I just think there were some things to tweak potentially to make the story even better.
Best story ever! You could add more details, but otherwise 11/10
There was a terrible mistake! This wasn't in my favorites. Fixed.
OMG I LOVE THIS!
GREAT WORK!
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Thanks a ton guys I really appreciate it
7735013
No problem! <33
Your Getting Great At Story Telling I Pinkie Promise Cross My Heart And Hope To Fly Stick A Cupcake In My Eye.
By The Way Have You Noticed That In The Chant That It Says "Hope To Fly" And Pinkie And Dash Are The Ones Who Invented Nick Names For Each Other Such As Dashie And Pinks. Shipping Fuel!