• Member Since 4th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2016


I'm the professor, a pony of sorts, but i'm also a Time Lord!


If you cry, you're dead. If you frown, you're dead. If you in some way do something to make others unhappy, you're dead. And that is why everypony's perfectly happy. They can't afford not to be.

Queen Pinkamena Diane Pie. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think? If only her former friends thought the same way! Why can't they see she is just doing this for everyponys' good. So they can all be...happy.

This is an ask fic.
2 sided story. 2 first person characters.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 43 )


Ohh, this sounds good. No questions as of yet, I'll just see how this plays out for the time being.


So how much is under your controlQueen Pinkamena.?


To Pinkamena: Seeing as you "punish" anyone who doesn't show happiness, what'd you do to Maud, seeing that she shows no emotion whatsoever? Did you show any form of mercy to your own sister? Or did she get the same treatment as anypony else who breaks the rules?

Dear Pinkamena,
What are some ways you have fun by yourself?

PS- Do you like making cupcakes?:pinkiecrazy:

To Vinyl Scratch: Terribly sorry, but it would appear that we are a bit behind. I know that you're probably going through quite a bit of psychological trauma, so tell us what happened so we can help in any way we can.

To Princess Pinkamena: What is happiness? Don't give me some bullshit answer, that wouldn't make me happy. Think long and hard about that.

To The Author: You misspelled Vinyl in the heading.:ajbemused:

Queen Pinkamena: How'd you become queen, where are the Princesses, and where are the other main six characters?

Queen Pinkamena: You do realize that your rules and the punishment that follows, makes everypony but you unhappy. Therefore the only logical step is to let everypony throw you a party.


4468025 It's fine. I can understand spelling errors, but if it's really obvious, I feel like it could be improved. I hope you don't see me as some knit-picky asshole, but the error... was sort of obvious.

4468394 Yup, sorry. It's all cool! I didn't exactly write this when I was fully awake-Or sane *cough cough* :pinkiecrazy:

*wispers*To Vinyl Scratch: I'm sorry, if other bubbles ruined your life, but we aren't those ones. They probably got fired, or something. We aren't the bubbles that misguided you, and we don't know what's going on. We don't know anything about Queen Pinkamena, but we are appearing in her head as well. She's... well it's hard to describe, but who were talking to has no idea what's going on. I can't tell you too much, less I get censored, but... we might not be talking to Pinkamena... We might be talking to a shadow of her former self.

Vinyl scratch:
I have feelings the ones who ruined your life were Anons, we are not

To Vinyl: We can assure you that we are not the one's responsible for this madness, We quite seriously have no idea what is happening right now. And to my knowledge, we are incapable of causing any physical harm, so we couldn't hurt you or anyone else even if we wanted to. But tell us what exactly DID happen?

To Pinkie Pinkamena Bucking insane scourge of Equestria (I don't even know): Mind telling us where Twilight and the others went? I would imagine not having them around would make you very unhappy. Very unhappy indeed...

Not too bad. Blood oozed from my side and hind legs as the poison seeps into me. I cringed.

Be sure to stay in the correct tense!

Queen Pinkie: What about the super duper party pony Cheese Sandwich?

To Pinkie Pie: Would you do me a favor? Look in the mirror Pinkie...Tell me what you see.

To Queen Pinkamena: Alright, I can see that the mentioning of these so called "Traitors" makes you unhappy, and we don't want that now do we? Although, seeing as we haven't seen any sign of any of the former deity's around Equestria (such as the princesses for example) I have to ask...what'd you do with Discord?

To Cheese Sandwich: Well, you seem to be in... quite the predicament. We can probably read your thoughts so, try to answer questions through thought. How the fuck did you end up like this?

To: Pinkie Pie (Thats right NO RESPECT!!!!!!) Why did you become evil and why not force Tia or Lulu to make you an alicorn?

Pinkie that's a mirror, it shows your face....

Wow you have really gone insane

Forget asking Santa Hooves for a pet dog for Christmas, I should ask for a pet Cheesy instead. I bet he's super cute.
To Vinyl Scratch: Are you sure Octi isn't hiding anything?

"Hmmm... I wonder what the Professor is up to?"
*Clicks on this fic*
You've been busy, huh?

To Cheese Sandwich: Well, since you "know" that there isn't a way out for you, why don't you tell us how you got in your position. Also, we can read your thoughts, answer us through thought if you can't answer us aloud.

So Queen Pinkamena was it? I thought that only princesses could rule in Equestria?

To Dhiscord: So, Chairman of Cheery Pain, do you have anything to do with "Queen Pinkamena's", ahem, mental state?

I didn't threaten you, I just told you that you can never go soft! You need to constantly be hard to your story. You made the commitment to it. You need to constantly be rock hard. You can't even use Viagra. I don't care if it's depressing. I don't care if it's a bit a rocky period in your life. I will ask all the questions if I have to. You just need to not get soft.

Now, I will wait a day or two and if there are no comments I will write some myself.

4688012 I think the problem is having more than one Reader-Driven fic at once. It can get to ya'.

4688031 You can never joke about something like this. Now, I will continue to pester you with the metaphorical penis that is this story.

To Vinyl and Tavi

Do you two at least have a general idea of the whereabouts of Pinkie's friends? Or at the very least somepony who would?

To Queen Pinkamena:

I think your idea of happy are slightly differing from your subjects. Just saying.

Well at least you answered our question cheese, thanks for that

To queen pinkimena: Do you you realize every pony's so called 'happieness' is as fake as your sanity?
They pretend to like you because their scared of you. And Cheery pain i think just gets happy when she is in pain. Its her name after all.
To derpy:is it okay if i call you The Derpadator :rainbowkiss: ? It would make meh very happy :rainbowlaugh: !

To Queen Pinkamena
Do you think there's a chance you can explain to us whats going on like.....i don't know...why your queen, wheres Celestia and Luna, and what what happened to the elements of harmony ,what do you mean by Equestria given to you ,what do you mean Cheese is a birthday present from your best friend?

To Cheese Sandwich
What do you mean "I know what you things do to ponies"? What do think were going to do?

To Dhiscord
Do you know what happened to the elements of harmony?

To TheProfessor04
:raritystarry: Great story :twilightblush: but you should reread it before posting because there's a lot of mistakes mostly in the last passage. Lots of missing letters and a couple extra letters

5518035 yah, sorry. When I write it's usually late at night and I don't have much time to edit it. Thank you for the feed back!:twilightsmile:

To Pinkamena: How'd you become a hollow shell of your former self? Also *Hoofs a cupcake* This is a cupcake. I made it myself! ~New Dawn~

To Cheese sandwich: I dunno about the others but I won't hurt you. Can you please tell me atleast what happened? ~New Dawn~

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