• Member Since 15th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 27th, 2023

Ephemurai


I am an aspiring artist and want to get into 3D animation. I write in my free time.

Comments ( 10 )

I Like where this is going so far!

Gonna need a new arm now. :P

this is really interessting, after i get through the whole chapter. I would prefer it a bit shorter or at least, well this could be two chapters already i think. It is to long for a quick reading from time to time.

PS: Now i want, that Ami or Amethyst killed them all. The only one i somehow like is the armored mand Jareb, probably because of his name and because he say so less, and well for a few minutes the boss seems a bit caring.
They maybe believe that is the right thing to do, but they seems to be the bad guys later. Maybe it would be revealed, that they don´t did anything in the past, but right now it looks like they want revenge.

Well i like it but it is to long and i had to read the whole thing befor i could decide that i really liked the idea.

4593342 Thank you for reading, and i'm glad that you like it. I realize this chapter was a tad long, but it was more of a prologue to set the stage. Rest assured that most chapters won't be this long at all.

If you want an editor I could be a little help. I edited my own story after all.

I'm having trouble liking this story. I think it's because I'm just not liking the characters. The first chapter involved the big bads acting evil, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight Sparkle committing Stalking, Theft, Battery, and Kidnapping, so all those characters are out for me sympathizing with. Then you have Malik who I kind of liked in the first chapter but, in retrospect, when combined with his actions in this chapter comes across as an annoying know it all who is just playing coy to be coy this coming across as an asshole. I half expect him to play the pronoun game for no reason at some point other than just to confuse people.

I'm also having trouble connecting with Amethyst but that seems to be more a difference in my personality and life experience than a specific flaw of the character I can point out.

Umm I think it would be a little hard to turn something like that instrument over in her hands. Especially when she's missing one.

5598159 Ah! Yeah, I'll fix that. Thanks for pointing it out! And I suppose this story isn't for everyone, as well as the characters may not seem as flushed out yet. They will most definitely become more apparent as the story goes. This is my first real story that I've stuck with, and as anyone else, I am learning. If you think it may be a story you could come to like for even a small chance, please give it a chance to grow. :) thanks for your input. I value other's opinions!

You haven't up dated this story in a while. I hope it hasn't grown cold over time.


This is Blazing Light, by the way.

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