- Member Since 1st Jan, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 19th, 2023
Splommy
I love MLP, obviously c: Fluttershy is my very favorite, I'm also quite shy and unsocial like her, and I feel that cats sometimes like me better than other people in the room <3
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This story has a shit-load of potential. I won't read it until it's completely finished, so I will be adding it to my Read Later list.
I can see this being featured in a day or two. Mark my words.
4401202 u probably meant shit list, why u no finish binche story Whitero?
Hmmm... interesting. Fav and upvote from the Sarge. Please do continue, I'm enthralled by this story.
Since this is your first story here let me give you some advice I´ve picked doing reading and editing work
Try to show scenes not reasons, if you rephrase that to
or something similar you are showing us the scene, whats happening and not, the reasons when writing should be clear while reading it without the need to explain them to us, unless you are going deeper in the actions of a character, for one example as to why someone kept a secret, and even then it should still be a little clear to your readers.
Also this one
this seems to extensive and the phrasing seems a little weird, try to use less "and" in favor for showing things with verbs
this way even though lots of things happens you are showing it as a whole, not bit by bit
anyway this concept sounds interesting and has potential for many plots (HUZZAH! god i love those bad puns) that the story can take, so keep it up I´ll try to keep a close eye to this one to see what you do
P.S sorry for the long comment
4401447
Shit list? No, why would I do that?
I really DO want to read this. It's a fun, touching, original idea. I just want to wait until the story is finished. That's all.
Some of the wording is weird but it seems cool so far
Thank you all so much for your great feedback and criticism
It's a nice surprise to come on here and see how much you like the story so far 
I'm definitely going to finish it. I just wanted to see what you guys had to say first so I knew if I should even bother 
but thank you all so much 
4402143 I'll definitely go through and change some things, thank you for showing me a better way to write
This has my interest.
For now I shall nod my head and say, "I'll allow it."
good this chapter was better than the last, there are still a few things that could be better and a few typos here and there but still very good, let me see how much time I dispose in my vacations once this semester ends and maybe I´ll offer to edit for you
just one thing.... where is the rest of the chapter
it´s not cool to end a chapter in this way dude 
Hey Blue, you should keep going it is quite the book so far. I hardly can wait for more.
The wait makes 
. 