I enjoy telling stories, about my characters, my universe, and my ideas. I want to see them all told as best as possible, but I don't claim to be a good writer. I'll try my best to get there, though..
When Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie find the mirror that connects their world to the human world broken, they all end up get sent to different variations of of their own. Now, they have to survive in these worlds to find their way back to their friends, and their way home.
(This is more of a test to see if I can write chapter into different story paths)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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May I advise getting an editor? Or a pre-reader, i saw a large number of spelling mistakes in here.
Also
...what does a locked noise sound like?
4029464 I couldn't find an editor.
I've been looking for one since I started making this
fanfic.
The still open for anyone who wants to.
4029464 Also thanks you for telling me what needs to be improved.
4029521 i didn't list everything, paragraph structure could be a little better. And thoughts could be put into 'italics' with quotation marks, to let the reader know its a thought and not being said. Then there's just the obvious spelling and grammar mistakes, which arent that many.
4029476 I believe there is an editor group, where you post your story and an editor will come along and may decide to help you
4029610 I hope to fix that in chapter 1.
I'll get to work on fixing a lot of the problems
All three of them (Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash) Are my favorite Ponies/Characters in the MLP:FIM Franchise and Twilight is My Most Favorite, but I don't think I'll be reading this sadly.
4029769 That's OK.
This story looks promising, however I'm afraid at least at the moment I will not be reading it on my channel, this is mainly because you've only just started. I tend to try and read stories that are further in or finished so that if the writer changes anything in earlier chapters (As in new stories there is usually room for improvement), I have taken account of it. If that makes any sense
I have looked through it though and have some advice should you choose to accept it. in my opinion at least, some of the description needs a little elaboration. One of the lines that I noticed in particular is this one
"Rainbow had given up" I get that your meaning she gave up trying to climb the stairs, but it seems a little incomplete. I could say "By the time I reached the door my brother had eaten", but it leaves you thinking "what was he eating?", if I added "Cheerios" it makes it easier to picture (If you know what cheerios are that is). Its mainly just description that I think needs to be added to a little, perhaps give a little bit of a more mysterious vibe to the beginning, mention the crystal empire but, perhaps mention "Why?" more subtle like a few lines down as to why so you have the reader asking that question and wanting to find the answer by reading on.
As I said though, it looks promising and the next few chapters (Whenever you finish them) will help clarify the whole thing a little more, for you and for the readers, so keep up the good work
4071389 You pointed out some good flaws. I'll check into
them as soon as I can. If there's anymore things you
notice, be sure to tell me.
4071389 Also (Not to be a jerk) Rainbow Dash gave up on opening the door cus' it was lock.
Just thought I'd point that out. (Again. Not to be a jerk)
4093888 Oh right, did you add that or was that already there? anyways that parts a bit clearer now
If I see anything else I'll let you know.
Hmm... setup feels very rushed. Could probably be a little more drawn out, depicting them arriving in the Empire. More description would do wonders, too.
The lack of other ponies feels really creepy. Admittedly that's the point, but I get the eerie feeling that there's not a single pony in the entire Empire. Intentional? Or was it just supposed to be the main castle that's oddly devoid of life?
That said, the premise feels very promising. All three (one of each tribe, too) sent to different worlds to deal with the situation, it's fascinating. Wonder how Trixie plays into this - antagonist, or alternate-world companion of one of the protagonists? Ooh! Maybe one Trixie is the antagonist behind the crack, and three different Trixies team up with each protagonist!
Yeah, I'm just speculating here.
Will follow and see how it turns out.
4546911 I realize that the prologue is a bit rushed and I hope to fix that
in the later chapters.
The entire Crystal empire is indeed gone and, that will be explained later.
I have lots of plans for Trixie in this story
No spoilers.
hey can I try to continue this story for you?
8033295 Yeah, if you want.
Though, that would require me to tell you my original plans for the story.
This one originally was gonna be the first book in a trilogy of stories.
I don`t mind.Just email me at AkitaSakura@gemail.com.Thanks.
8038647 Alright. If you are sure.
I sent you the Email, so we can talk about it.