An earth pony finds himself lost in a seemingly abandoned town, left to fend for himself without any memories of his past.
Now, he must figure out why he's there and, hopefully, figure himself out along the way.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 11th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen March 13th
Darksoma
I enjoy telling stories, about my characters, my universe, and my ideas. I want to see them all told as best as possible, but I don't claim to be a good writer. I'll try my best to get there, though..
Darksoma
Joined 11th Jan, 2014 ·
Offline
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Many any words come to mind. They don't comprehend their words only for teething children's. This story has many teething children's. I'd only watch if it was read if it was considerable.
11086865
What?
Hey there! Just read the first chapter, and this seems like an interesting and somewhat mysterious premise. I noticed you tend to write longer sentences. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes, a shorter sentence is better for communicating bursts of action or emphasizing a particular motion or detail. Here's an example:
The sentence is clear enough, but it lacks the punch of a desperate fight. I think shorter sentences are better here to communicate that idea:
I think you have a decent start here. I'll add a follow to see where this goes.
11087059
I'm not sure how I did, but I changed some stuff in the section.
Let me know if there is more I can do to make it better, or if I messed it up, or if I should revert and try going through it again.