• Member Since 27th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 18th, 2018

Emraldilian


E

Out of luck in the entertainment business, Trixie tries to jump-start her career again with a quick visit to Las Pegasus. Before visiting any casinos Trixie tries her luck at finding low price valuables in a shady local pawn shop. However what she finds is the ability to overcome what other ponies could not and sets out to continue to prove how great and powerful she really is, whilst making a good few bits of course.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 35 )

This is an interesting story with an interesting premise. Episodic style would work pretty well. Trixie's determination to succeed feels very in-character here, and her having a keen sense of insight and good intuition for what the problem could be works well. I hope you'll make the future chapters a bit longer, but this feels like a very catchy 'pilot episode'. You're establishing the premise very well, and hook the readers directly. I want to follow this story.

Writing-wise, there's a few errors. For one, you keep switching between present and past tense. You should definitely stick to one, preferably past tense. Your spelling is good, grammar and syntax is okay except for the tense issue, and punctuation is for most part okay. Though I did catch this sentence:

She yells at it and stomps off, only to get a sharp pain in her hoof, the hair clip.

While I understand what you're conveying, the last sentence fragment is improper and tacked on incorrectly, and could be developed on. How about this:

She yells at it and stomps off, only to get a sharp pain in her hoof. She realizes with dread that she's stepped on the hair clip.

Keep up the good work!

Comment posted by Emraldilian deleted Feb 27th, 2014

Great premise, check.
Original story, check.
Well executed, check.
Trixie being great and powerful, check.
Well this is shaping up quite nicely. Tracking and looking forward to the next chaper.

3996723 Fully Agreed.

Season one licensed and ready for production. Let's see how it pans out.

Especially when our great and powerful protagonist has to wing it on the more dangerous items.

Well as a stage magician I'm sure winging it is her speciallity

Comment posted by Emraldilian deleted Mar 14th, 2014

I'm actually really nervous about chapter 2. I feel like I did some things wrong but I know there's things in there that I need in order to continue. I'm sorry for the huge delay and doubly so if this second chapter wasn't worth the wait... if anyone was really waiting this long.

You should get insomnia more ofter, sir :moustache:

Good to see that this story is continuing. It has a good premise and I'm glad to see it not wasted. Also, nice way of handling the situation; a bit of Trixie ingenuity. I like it!

I am curious where it's going to go. Who is this mysterious filly? (Also, watch your tenses, you switch between past and present a few times)

Great chapter :pinkiehappy:.

The mother pushes Trixie aside and tries to gather up the pieces of window,

I think this sentence needs "returned from fields" or something like that. Otherwise it looks like offscreen teleport.

:pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss: NEW update?! Woooooooooo!!:pinkiehappy: Reading time!

I find the premise to be great and I love the original story idea behind this. So far this story has been well executed. Not to mention Trixie is very in-character in this story. Over all this is a good fanfic you got going here. :twilightsmile:

This is turning out to be a great story. :pinkiehappy: But I really hope this doesn't end up dead through. This fanfic is still alive, yes-no? :rainbowderp:

5321403 Still alive. Just very slow going because I'd rather put up content that I'm satisfied with rather than try to salvage weeks worth of work that doesn't turn out the way I want.

5326870

Oh, I see, I see. Well that's understandable. And if the next chapter is just as good as the last one, then it's worth the wait. :rainbowdetermined2:

One more thing, I would like to ask ya one question. What give you the idea for this story? :rainbowhuh:

5327614 Two things: First, I always have been interested in cursed things and creepypastas, especially anything that doesn't include violence and still remains compelling. Second, I noticed in two of Trixie's appearances (Once in the show and another in the comics.) she's wearing a piece of jewelery that's enchanted with a negative effect, one corrupts her, the other keeps her contained.

So I thought, 'What if she's prone to running into magical items? Cursed items perhaps?' and I tossed that around in my head a bit until one sleepless night I wrote the first chapter.

5328665

Ah, I see, how interesting. Well, that's seem like a fitting theme, if Trixie's ends up with her own or side show or side story. :twilightsmile:

Alright then, three more questions.

1. So what about Princess Luminescence aka Lulu, is she going to be a character that tags along with Trixie on her adventures or is she just temporarily staying with her, until something happens in the story?

2. In the story is there a possible chance that Trixie would end up making her own group of friends (whether they're background ponies or OCs) along with way?

3. Lastly, Are there any plans of Trixie meeting any of the well-known background ponies, like for example: Vinyl Scratch, Octavia Melody, Ditzy Doo/Derpy Hooves and Etc and so on?

5330234 1. I do not plan these things in advance, but I think Lulu will be sticking with Trixie for a while. She wants to free anypony else who might be trapped like she was and Trixie has the potential to help her do that.

2. I have one more incoming OC that will be staying with Trixie since many cursed artifacts that I've thought up might be too dangerous for her to tackle alone and said OC will give her another reason to stick with undoing curses.

3. I wrote up a chapter that was over 10k words of Trixie helping Vinyl with a cursed headset and I just couldn't end it. I will probably bring that back once Trixie is more experience with curses.

5331466

1. Ah, I see, I see. Well that's good to hear. Really would like to see what kind of antics and trouble she might end up bringing to Trixie. Not to mention develop some kind of friendship between them. :pinkiehappy:

2. Well, that's very good know. Trixie really needed friends away and perhaps just having them around might change her personality slightly for the better. :twilightsmile:

3. Vinyl with a cursed headset, you say? That's sounds like an interesting case for Trixie to deal with. :rainbowdetermined2:

Alright then, last two questions.

1. Are there going to be any antagonists in some of these cursed item cases?

2. Also is there a chance that Trixie might encounter the Alicorn Amulet or something similar to it?

5331615
1. There will be a main antagonist though their appearances might be rare, and a few antagonists that use cursed items.

2. I will have Trixie deal with the Alicorn Amulet, it will be much later in the story since I really want it to be a defining moment in her new career. I also have plans for the Crown of Dimondia.

5332241

1. Ah, I see, Well that's good to hear. I hope they're interesting, especially the main antagonist, if he/she is going to be rarely seen in the story, then they best be quite rememberable. :twilightsheepish:

2. Ah, that's good to hear that Trixie will encounter the Alicorn Amulet again somewhere down the road. And the Crown of Dimondia, you say? That's from Friends Forever Issue 6, where Trixie was made queen of the Dimondia, which is a kingdom of Diamond Dogs, Yes-No? :rainbowderp:

5332680
Indeed. As well I'm thinking to include other items in the show/comics that may be cursed but I'll refrain from spoiling what those would be.

5340331

What about items from myths and legends? I mean most of the stuff that was show in both the show and comics were base on stuff from Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, and American Indian cultures and so on. :yay:

5343868 Whilst I may draw inspiration from myths and legends, whether or not I directly use such things would depend on how the story pans out.

I also would be willing to take on fan ideas if my story ever picks up in popularity but reaches a point of stagnation.

5346504

Ah, I see, I see. Well, then I hope your story gets well like by the readers then. :twilightsmile:

I’m mostly just glad to see this continuing, keep it up, please.

Don't join them, Trixie. Pop culture to the contrary, any society whose first goal is the deception of the masses is NOT the good guys.

That blibber-blubber about "preventing panic" is garbage; yes, some of the populace might go in an uproar when they learn that ghosts/vampires/aliens/magical curses are real, but the perils of an ignorant populace always outweigh the risks of letting the truth out.

Imagine the disaster if our society tried to prevent the truth about, say, the spread of a disease, or the toxic nature of a household product--- hundreds of thousands would die needlessly, the truth would STILL come out, and the outrage at the betrayal of trust would lead to more upheaval and suffering.

Or better yet examine the consequences IRL when this approach was tried. The AIDS coverup, The Dreyfus affair, the Tuskeegee experiment, the Teapot Dome scandal, The Tobacco coverup, Chernobyl, Dan Rather and Memogate, the pedophile priest coverup in the Catholic church...

Let's also address that this particular coverup is unfeasible. None less than the crown Princess Twilight Sparkle has dealt with curses and cursed artifacts, and has participated in the use of incantations and potions. They're openly used in Ponyville on a regular basis!

5708184
I have actually taken some of those points into account prior to writing this.

On the topic of the coverup not being feasible, Twilight herself has previously denied the existence of curses. Even if she believes in them now one should expect that most educated ponies have been taught that they don't. When it comes to the masses, curses might fall under the same category as ghosts, most just pass them off as strange happenings, illusions, then there's ghost hunters, but can they prove ghosts truly exist to everyone? Trixie proved the existence of and defeated three curses extremely quickly, rumors were likely to quickly spread at this rate, and less intellectual ponies would bring deadly curses out into the open.

I also made it a point to express, this society is EVIL to the core. They'd rather make ponies disappear then let the knowledge that these strange magics do exist out. When you consider the villains of MLP have only gone as far as to enslave or leave ponies as drained husks of their former selves (still pretty terrible), these ponies are real bad.

On the topic of incantations and potions, I suppose our new friend didn't express well enough that incantations and potions by themselves shouldn't wield any magic. Potions affect things same as medicine, their effects are determined by the ingredients and what/whom they're applied to, yet their effects are not considered the result of magic even if they alter the magic in something. Incantations (though I can only recall one ever being used) are more like a focus, a wand if you will, one channels their magic through an incantation should they not be able to properly perform a spell themselves.

As to the effects of cover-ups, would you care? Trixie has just been told "Join us or die." and against ponies who not only watched her from the shadows for a long time, but got into her motel room while she slept and trapped Lulu without so much as waking her, the answer should be obvious.

Those are my thoughts and headcanons but please feel free to contest them, I feel continuing to converse about this sort of stuff will keep my thoughts on the story and I might just get two chapters out in the same month.

5708184 There's always the option of joining the society and playing along with them for a while, and eventually turning on them and taking them down. It's a fairly common story development, particularly since Trixie has the right personality for it: opportunistic and unscrupulous but good at heart.

AH, FINALLY! I was beginning to think that you'll never get this story updated, it's been so long. I'm looking forward to reading it. :yay:

5708364 Yes, but Twilight is now a PRINCESS with a capital P, as well as the bearer of the element of Magic. Her word is going to be holding a lot more sway. The fact that countless ponies already DO believe in curses and cursed artifacts(who else would hire Trixie?) only makes the "learned" ponies look like ivy tower idiots. It's the sort of blurb some ninny who'd never been outside their university classroom would make about the real world, and expect to be taken seriously.

(side note: that always ground me about those fantasy worlds where magic didn't work "because nobody believes in it anymore." Typical ivy tower intellectualist egotism and ignorance. Even today IRL, the vast majority of the world's population believes in some sort of magic. Even in the heart of agnostic western civilizations you can find New Age crystal shops and Wiccan bookstores, and millions turn to the horoscope page daily. It's the arrogance of those living in the University lifestyle-- they can't imagine that ANYBODY might think differently outside their little glass fishbowl. )

Plus take into account Sombra, Nightmare Moon, the Alicorn Amulet, that evil tome that Rarity went berserk with, the various trinkets and items Daring Do has dug up--- If these evil ponies are trying to cover up the existence of Dark Magic (why? What is their possible motivation?) they SUCK at it. In Equestria they'd have better luck at covering up the existence of the SUNRISE.

5721897
I'll just say this, since anything I could say to defend against your argument would contain major spoilers: At the moment only I know the society's true purpose, Trixie hasn't had much time to think on it (The next chapter will take place the same morning), and the society, as you can imagine, is not very forthcoming with all the details.

And neither our friend or I ever said they were trying to cover up the existence of dark magic. Whilst dark magics and curses may mingle, such as a cursed item that provides dark magic to its user at the cost of making them even more power hungry, a curse by itself is a different kind of magic.

So I've finally obtained a full-time job after years of searching in my terrible town. Which is why it's been so long since I've updated, but now I write during my ride there (yay for carpooling). I've had plenty of ideas and as usual I'm still completely uncertain of their quality. I'll continue to write for fun and hope my future additions do not disappoint.

Here's hoping I get the next chapter up soon.

I've reached 317,283 words in unpublished material, just in case anyone is wondering why it takes me so long to write, I have set way too high a standard for myself when it comes to actually publishing anything.

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