I'm a soldier seeking to better my skill in combat and dabble in a bit of writing during my free time. Comments and critiques are always welcome but please remain polite and considerate.
It has been a few thousand years since the great Dragon War. Princess Twilight visits her old friend Spike one day only to find out that he wants her to end his life. But despite his constant pain and misery, can she bring herself to do it?
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That was an interesting story. I liked it quite a bit.
This is a great story, and I'd love to read a prequel about the dragon war. And great job with making the spelling and grammar proper, it always amazes me how many authors don't bother to do a couple run throughs to fix everything up.
A sad tale but one that reaches to ones heart. I applaud you for making this, between Spikes's wish and Twilight's hesitance I could quite see how things were torn for them. How hard it was for them. Thumbs up and a fav, now I must find a tissue so excuse me
what a sad story now she the ony pony left i can only imgin what paine twilght has to go threw now. congrts u made me finly cry after meny yrs. thnxs forsuch a good story.
Very good story. A sad tale to be sure that hit me strait in the feels.
I thought of this song whilst reading.
I regret having said is not my internet connection was quiet just to give the star.
The story was rather sad, but very detailed and well written. To be your first story have something that not many have and order when writing a story with a solid storyline.
You should make a prequel showing war and affection to spike and twilight as well as your relationship.
The only thing that was a little weird was that you have tried your relationship as brothers, clear is that is a personal taste mine so not should bother anyone more. After all you are the writer and decide the history.
We are good. Good bye
Sorry if it sounds confusing but I use the bing translator to write since I don't speak Englis
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I appreciate the comment, it takes a little more effort then usual to make sure that the story flows well while also trying to give it enough detail to entertain the reader but not make the story feel dry.
I'm still pretty new to this site so there were some things in the original story that got cut out when I had it published. Mainly emphasized key words but Ill figure it out by the next story. The idea of a prequel was tossed around a bit but for now the story is going to stay as a oneshot sadfic. The relationship between Twilight and Spike goes many different ways in fics but I've always seen them in an older sister and younger brother relationship. But that's just me. By the way, I really enjoyed reading your comment! Thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next story!
Yeah, I have one major issue with this. Basically, Spike calls Twilight out for what she did to the Dragons, and then she seems to think she has the right to be angry at Spike for calling her out on her bullshit....and then you have Spike basically back off. The guy's at the end of his life, has outlived his wife and child, and Twilight is trying to refuse to let him die peacefully, but then tries to justify stealing from the dragons and tries to claim the dragons whom by all accounts SHE sought out, not the other way around, were planning to attack the ponies.
I just can't see that making sense. She commits a near genocide and has the gall to be upset about being called out on it when someone actually ASKS her to kill again?
Sorry, I just can't bring myself to find this believable, nor do I find it believable that Spike would back off from this when you consider the fact that he's in the right by all accounts given here. Good story otherwise. But it might be more believable if Twilight later faced some kind of repercussions in the future from what she apparently did. Especially if these grandchildren of his were to learn of it.
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This story did seem to carry a bit of weight with manifest destiny. You definatley caught on to how I was trying to portray Twilight after a couple thousand years. I will try to answer your comment the best I can so please bear with me. As the lands of Equestria progressed with technology and industrialism their civilization would continue to peak over other nations, but to support themselves they would constantly need more resources and land to sustain their power and growing population. After so many years of this, these necessary resources would eventually begin to thin out within their borders forcing Twilight with a hard choice. I chose an event like a famine to bring that progression to a head. Twilight would need to find a solution to keep her subjects from starving to death and that's where the idea of manifest destiny peaks its head. I wasnt trying to make it seem that Twilight intentionally wiped out the dragon race but that she was abusing her agreement with them to keep her citizens alive. When I wrote this argument there were several elements that pertained to this but were rejected because it was felt that they didn't contribute to the overall flow of the story. Also at that part of the story the reader is only shown from Spikes rage how he saw the war and how he felt about her actions without giving Twilight a fair chance to explain her side of the story to the reader. It isn't revealed that this is actually what happened to cause the war either because again these are only accusations that Spike made from what he saw and did when around her which wasn't all the time despite being her guardian. However,Twilight would do what it takes to keep her citizens alive even if it made her into a monster which consequently it did in this story. I made Spike back down from his argument for two main reasons firstly because he's about to ask Twilight to do him the favor of letting him pass and it might be hard for him to persuade her if they just got through a thoroughly heated argument about a centuries old war and are angry with each other. Second I did this to show how the affects of the war have warped Twilight and made her more into a monster and show how powerful that she now is that she actually unnerves spike the flying godzilla dragon. Twilight doesn't want to kill Spike because he's, in my head canon, her oldest friend and younger adopted brother as well as her last link to her past. Yeah its selfish of her but considering everything else that shes done, its a much smaller fault. Again, if I do a prequel a lot of these things could be explained but i'm not sure if I want to go there yet. Right now im working on a series of different sad tragedy fics but only as ideas come to me. Next one should be a soldier fic with tragedy and adventure. Thanks for your comment, I really enjoyed answering it and explaining more of the background that I didn't get to cover in the story. There were plenty of things that you pulled out from my story that ,when writing it, I hadn't really thought of its significance. I'll work to improve that on the next one.
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Hooray, I just realized thanks to your comment, everyone can get more of the backstory that I left out of the fic, Thanks!
Uh...your welcome...I guess.
Though to be fair, it might have made more sense to make this a bit more of something we should be seeing in the story, not being explained in the comments. I still don't really agree with him backing down on it either since, as you said, Twilight has become a monster and he should have used that as a driving point to letting him die by maybe pointing out that this could have been at least something of a redemptive action for her. But it's your story, so it's ultimately your call. But that's my take on it.
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Those are some good points...I think I will try to revise a few areas and see if I cant touch it up a little. Thanks for your input, critiques always appreciated.
No prob. Always happy to help.