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The entire Crystal Empire has finally reappeared and life is good for the young princess Dawning Song, the daughter of Empress Cadance and Shining Armor.
The empire isn't the only thing to reappear however as a group of ancient Diamond Dogs also appear with the aim of finishing their millennia old mission.
Set a few years after the series
A big thank you to Luminary, Forlong and DreamWings for prereading this in its various stages
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Hmn, this has potential. Interesting idea with having more Crystal Empire cities reappear over time.
Looked good.
3980329
I always thought that one city being an entire empire was a bit lame
3980378
Yay
I want to hear the story!
Aww, no story?
Hah!
So, the Crystal Heart is an ETL process? /obscure_nerdiness
An in-universe logical use of everybody! Nice.
Oooo, I like what Spike is up to, that's another interesting Idea.
And now Remeta! This timeskip world is awesome!
One thing that I noticed, that reads a little funny.
Hmn, nice Roman feel to these diamond dogs.
4013322
maybe someday I will come back to the story
Thanks for the heads up with that line by the way. I went over it and, in my eyes, fixed it. Glad you like it :D
Good chapter! I found a few minow words like is and the missing in some sentences so I suggest you go over the chapter.
Interesting use of all these shorts scenes. Could be a little risky if that is all the story ever has, but I just looked back through the first three chapters and there's a decent amount of variation. It is working fairly well for me at showing that lots of events are passing without having to explain each one in depth or otherwise state that they are happening.
Hmn, mildly nonplussed at seeing someone other than Dash do a Rainboom, but that's a bit up to taste.
Ooo, that last scene. Here's hoping Dawn doesn't have any lasting damage.
Two problems I noticed: You need to break up the huge blocks of text everywhere, and you might need another editor to help with the awkward grammar, especially with the Diamond Dog scene. Take Rover's thoughts on Aetis, for example: the line needs to be treated more like speech and less like an event in structure. .
I want to like this, I really do, but it looks like I'll have to wait for some cleanup. Vote withheld, but I'm willing to wait.
Well that feels like the exact wrong conclusion to come to. My current guess is that Sombra and his tyranny was a reaction to the threat of this currently unknown group of diamond dogs.
4078385 Thank you very much for the feedback, I'll definitely look into that. Sorry I didn't reply to this comment sooner, I had no idea you had posted it
Stuff like this:
Yes please. Anything I can do to improve I will definitely look into
Even with Shining's explanation and the catatonic crystal pony, my gut feeling on moving the Crystal Heart is that it is a terrible idea.
Doesn't dragon mailing fire make stuff disappear with green smoke?
Cadence and Shining Armor are dead?
4157256 If I'm honest I haven't decided yet
4157334 Well that's nice.
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Fear not dear Reader!!
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4158329 I'm serious, don't worry. It's in hand [or hoof if you like]
Thanks for sticking with the story this far in any case
4158337
Whoops, I let this remain unread for far too long.
Here's hoping Shining and Cadance are just hostages, I'm a fan of theirs and would hate to see something permanent and unpleasant happen to them.