Why? there must be more. For the empire!

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While I personally wouldn't phrase it like that, I'll have to agree that it could use some work. Skipping ahead to chapter ten and taking a look at the first two paragraphs, I saw there wasn't much change from the first chapter.

I woke up, but I was still in a pseudo-sleep mode as I laid under my blanket and refused to open my eyes. I alarm clock continued to ring as I laid there. I pried open one of my eyes and looked at the time. The clock told me it was 5 o'clock am. Reluctantly, I got up to a sitting position and stretched my arms and wings. Blinking my eyes so that I could see.

I pushed my blanket away and hopped down to the floor and made my way to the bathroom. I entered and looked at my bad case of bed head. I leaned into the shower and twisted the knob. Hot water poured down into the tub. I waited an adjusted the knobs to get a good temperature. Once I was satisfied with it, I entered the shower and felt the warm water flow down my feathers and into my fur.

Ignoring some minor errors, from these paragraphs alone you could tell that it needs some work. The sentences keep starting with "I", and though it technically it works in term of grammar, it still need work. A simple fix, without going into details would be to rewrite some of these sentences into the passive voice or to simply find another way to word a sentence.

Now, I don't want to be rude, but it sounds like my third-grade journal I had to write when I was homeschooled. You might want to practice subconsciously hammering sentences like these out.